AIBU for not wanting to pay rent?

[freebirdblue]

I currently live with my older sister and her family and contribute £100 weekly toward rent and bills. I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily.

However, my BIL’s parents asked me to house and dog sit while they’re away travelling for two months. I’m a 10 minute drive away but already my expenses have gone up as I’m now doing a food shop (yes, I was spoilt that they included me in their evening dinners) and I have to bring the dogs to the vet (out of my own pocket to later be reimbursed when they return, which is another awkward issue).

However, my sister still wants me to still contribute while I’m not there, she insisted not the full £100 but wasn’t overly pleased when I suggested £50 either. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair I have to contribute because if I wasn’t in the spare bedroom, no one else would be, and one of her friends is coming and going to stay while I’m away (recently single). I’m not calling to their house for dinner either, but I am still helping out with my nephews and working from home (which I hate doing as I only have my laptop and no other monitors) on certain days for them.

My mum is trying to reason I’d still pay a landlord if I was on holiday, but I’m house sitting for my BIL’s family as a favor (for free) and it’s not exactly a holiday either! However, my friends are arguing it is unreasonable and strange of my sister to expect me to pay. Is it? I’m so conflicted and don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also have to admit I am annoyed.

I made the mistake of telling her my salary and now she holds that against me and tells almost everyone we know I earn more than her and her partner combined. For starters, she works part time and he is an apprentice, they have a mortgage and kids, whereas I’m single and free of responsibility’s in my twenties. My salary isn’t overly great for my position and includes 10% of my pension so it seems like I’m earning more than I am.

AIBU? I feel £50 is more than fair but also feel like I shouldn’t have to contribute either while I’m not there.

I think they’re using you. £100 per week for family is too much.

😆😆😆

Just an update, my sister messaged me again and asked if I would be ok to send the £100 per week to contribute towards bills, wifi, and water. I explained I now have additional costs for house sitting and have to bring my vehicle (that her partner sold me) for its third repairs since owning. She then said her and her partner had a discussion and feel £100 isn’t enough towards bills and want £150 when I return. I have decided I am going to try my hardest to find a place prior to that and move out. I earn £35,000 per annum which I understand is a lot but I relocated here which costed £££££ and am repaying university debts. Apparently my salary is more than theirs combined. I can find a decent one bed nearby for £500 per week/or a bedroom for £300 both inc bills so moving out is the right choice.

Edited as cross posted.

Move your possessions out of their house, stop the babysitting, working from or visiting their home - and paying them.
Sort out a flat or house share, go no contact (but do tell them if you move out of parents house, don't leave dogs alone with no-one to feed them)

It sounds to me like your sister felt she was doing you a favour offering you their spare room while you got yourself on your feet.
Then she found out you are actually better off than she is, well and truly able to stand (financially) on your own 2 feet.
I do think your sister and BiL are being cheeky now, trying to get as much money and favours out of you as possible. But perhaps they feel like you deceived them, made them believe you were worse off than them?
Agree finding your own place ASAP is best option now.

Asķ bils family to cover your rent in return for dog sitting.

Exactly this! I’m confused. You’re earning more than them together and they can afford a mortgage, child etc but you can’t! Why not? Are you being tight fisted and expecting to live in other peoples homes instead of being an adult and getting your own place?

I recently graduated university and relocated to a different country, I have used my savings to emigrate and am repaying my student debt. I only landed this job very recently within the last two months as an FYI. I also don’t have peremmant residency so I can’t buy here. I have lived with them for five months, my first two months I was assisting them with the kids, and started working in hospitality for way less money and hours.

I’m 24, she’s 36 and BIL is 40.

I do think in the circumstances you’ve now outlined, that your sister is being a bit mean. I expect that your mum is just trying to keep the peace and be fair to you both. Maybe your sister is struggling financially more than you realise and they’ve started to rely on your money to make ends meet. If that’s the case, maybe do what you can to help, what goes around comes around and your sister will no doubt always remember your kindness.

So you pay rent, they expect you to subsidise their lifestyle, expect you to do childcare for free and are now pimping out your services to his family free of charge and expect you to pay the vet.

I would just move out now. I suspect it will be cheaper for you if you factored in all the unpaid work you are doing as a cost factor.

Stop being a doormat. They want their cake and to eat it.

I wonder where BIL got his CF tendencies from? You are paying the agreed rent, for their date nights, ubers AND child care? No wonder they don’t want you to move. Tell me his dp left you a full fridge and freezer at least?
Sweetie, find your own place soon, fuck his dp expecting housesitting in Jan, and salvage any relationship with dsis, because if it were me, being treated like Cinderella would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I would also start charging them (so knocking off your rent) for babysitting and Uber’s.

I pay for takeaways, contribute toward their date nights, and ubers (apparently they can’t work the app). I relocated and she offered me her spare bedroom for a year so I can save and have more money to put towards a nice one bedroom apartment. On top of that, I also take care of my nephews and walk the dogs daily

How the fuck have they got you doing all this and what did they do before you moved in? How do they expect to cope when you move out and stop propping up their lifestyle?

£35k is hardly a fortune and if it's more than they earn put together they're both obviously working part time so have time to walk their own dogs.

Or do you live somewhere where the cost of living is much lower? If that's the case then £100 pw is too much especially with all the other things you're paying for and help you're giving them.

Dog sitting for BILs parents could work out for you if you wanted to be responsible for dogs, had time to walk them and work at the same time, were able to set your desk up properly, the ILs made arrangements to pay their own fucking vet bills while they were off travelling and you stopped paying for your room, all the extra stuff and the baby sitting too. Otherwise the whole lot of them are massive CFs who are taking advantage of you big time.

Why did the PILs arrange to go travelling without arranging proper care for their dogs?

Dogs aren't like cats. They can't be left more than half a day maximum without proper company, attention, walks etc. They need someone around most of the time or they need to go to kennels or home boarding which is obviously ££££s that they're trying to avoid paying. Or they need to find a paid sitter or volunteer from sonewhere like Trusted Housesitters on Facebook.

Yes, me too. It is right that you do that. I'm sure you'll manage somehow. Good luck.

You do pay a competitive rent which it does seem as though they have one to rely on BUT your sister and BIL are also getting a lot of perks thrown in. Just with dog walking and looking after your nephews - you probably save them more in child care and dog walking services than you pay in rent. They can’t compare you to a lodger as they would not be doing those things and if they did they would be paid or live rent free. This is why she / they are encouraging you to stay as it benefits them. If you stay at your sister’s long term it will lead to resentment on both sides! And actually she already sounds bitter about your pay. Focus on moving out - but in the meanwhile pay the increase, babysit when you can as they are your nephews but stop paying for the extras - Uber, date nights etc.

Paying rent while you're away is a tricky one - on one hand you have a standing arrangement and it sounds as though they rely on the extra cash but from what you’ve said you will be back and forth helping with your nephews which again is saving them money. Again if you were a standard lodger you wouldn’t be expected to do all those things if you weren’t there and definitely not have a person stay in your room.

And as for their in laws they are getting a great deal! They have probably sold it as you get to stay on your own but they are getting great deal - a dog sitter PLUS a house sitter thrown in. I can’t believe that they want you to take the dogs to the vet and be out of pocket until they return and decide to pay you??? They should have pre paid if they are routine appointments, but if that isn’t an option transfer the vet fees to you and then for any additional costs reimburse you later. Failing those options they can leave an envelope of cash for expenses.

Don't rush out to rent if it means you will no longer be able to save for a deposit. Even paying your sister £150 a week will be a hell of a lot cheaper than renting privately. Stick it out for the year and save as much as you can. Everyone stuck in private renting will tell you how hard it is to get on the property ladder from there.

Does this mean you won't have to pay them the rent whilst you're housesitting for BIL?

Why does she want to go contribute to bills when you won't be there? If they want rent tell them you won't house sit for BIL.

The whole situation has got messy. They should get a lodger that they don't take advantage of by making them pay rent and do babysitting, pay for their Ubers and takeaway.

At 34, they know how to use the Uber app, they're taking the piss. And they probably sold you the car knowing it was crap.

OK says she can find a decent one bed nearby for £500 per week/or a bedroom for £300 both inc bills so moving out is the right choice.

FY1 medical dr?

Your base is 35k and you get paid extra?

I would move out asap and not pay anything while you are house sitting.

Do you have to go back to their house while you are house sitting?

Trying to simplify this..

They benefit by:

£400 per month cash
Dog walking
Child care
Contributing to Ubers
Contributing to date night
Buy takeaways.

(i get the ubers, I assume you book as they pretend they can't do it and thus its your account so you end up paying and they don't repay. Not sure I understand the date night thing. Are you handing them cash to go out, or is this just extra baby sitting?)

You benefit:

Cheaper place to live
Haven't had to sort out deposits/rent up front
Some meals provided

But whilst you're dog sitting, which you were volunteered for rather than asked, and is not a paid position, you will have to pay for:

Food
Travel costs back to Sisters to babysit daily?
Dog costs to be reimbursed, hopefully?

And whilst you're away they intend on using 'your' room to host a guest on and off?

And they want you to keep paying even though the costs to them have dropped, and the costs to you have risen, whilst you do her husbands family a favour?

Fuck that shit.

Spend the dog sitting time finding somewhere else to live. Fuck off, and the cheeky fuckers can fix their own dog sitter in january too.

In home dog sitter for a couple of months would be a paid position, earning you around £300 a week, possibly more.

Dog walking is around £12 an hour.
Baby sitting is probably similar.

Plus you're paying for Ubers and takeaways.

They are having a fucking laugh.

But why do.you keep using sneery terms like 'famleeeeeeeee' and 'sisterrrrrrrrr'?

OP is in a situation where she pays £400pm (soon rising to £600pm), pays for their Ubers and takeaways, has been sold a dodgy car, gives free babysitting and has now been offered up as a free housesitter without being asked. When she can rent a private room for £300pm.

She has repeatedly said she has been put in awkward situations. She's a 24yo living with her much older sister and BIL, it's not easy to say no in that situation.

Move out OP they are taking the piss.

How can you babysit when you are a FY1 dr?

This sums it up exactly.