To hate that he locks the door when we're home

[LotteryFights]

Our front door is always locked as it goes straight onto the road & we never use it. Instead we use the backdoor was goes out to the garden and then through the garden gate onto a side road where the car is parked.

H is highly anxious. For example every single morning without fail he messages me saying 'drop off ok?' (I drop the kids off before I go to work) and i have to write 'yes' or he'll call me and i'll be in meetings and he calls and calls.

When he leaves the house at the weekend and me and DC (primary school) are home, we are in the back room/snug thing which is where the back door is and he will leave by this door and then use his key to lock the back door from the outside. Of course I'm not locked in as I can just unlock it but it's so weird to me. We are home, watching telly or playing and he is outside locking us in. If I wanted to lock the back door while we were at home - i could do it.

And then when he comes back and it's unlocked as i've popped into garden - he will ask why it's unlocked. He's not angry but he's geniunely expecting a response - and I find myself explaining myself to him like a kid!

He think I'm the weird one and he's keeping us safe. I makes me uncomfortable - which he says is my issue.

AIBU to feel hate it?

I would hate that, and would definitely be raising it as an issue.

Trying to rope me into his anxiety would also fray the relationship very quickly, for me.

My husband always locks the door when leaving and I do too. I find it weird that people keep their doors unlocked when at home.

When we first moved in a woman randomly just let herself into our house. She got the wrong house! Its always locked now.

Why wouldn't you lock the door? It creates an automatic behaviour ensuring you lock up every time you leave?

Does he have a history of anxiety? It reminds me a little bit of OCD. I have had OCD and my youngest currently has it to the point where he is unable to attend school. But what you're describing reminds me of the reassurance element of my son's anxiety, where he seeks constant confirmation that things are ok. The problem is, they're not.

On this I am with your husband, and very glad my elderly mother does this. Not in agreement with the other things you mention.

Mmm...Maybe @AnonKat if we both did it/felt that it wouldn't feel so weird to me.

In the summer - the back door is open to the garden & the kids run in and out the garden/house and he's always closing it and locking it. It makes me feel stifled. He says i'm dramatic but i hate it!

I always lock the Door, doesnt matter if anyone is in or not.

Can anyone access your back door? If not, you're safer with it unlocked in case of fire surely?

Locking people in is really weird. Presumably the key isn't in the lock on the inside so if you needed to get out in a hurry you'd be hunting around for the key.

I'm sorry op but with the door locking I think yabu. My doors are always locked behind me whether I'm going in or out. Much much easier to keep an intruder out in the first place than to remove one that gets in. I don't know anyone who leaves their doors unlocked these days tbh. Plus my son can open doors now so I don't want him accessing outside without me knowing he's out there. Most burglaries are opportunistic - just trying doors to see which are locked and which aren't and what's readily available inside.

In terms of his other anxiety about travelling and drop offs etc he is being a bit unreasonable with the repeated calling and probably needs to seek counselling to help him manage that anxiety so it doesn't become controlling towards you all. My ex and I would have text each other when ds was dropped off at nursery, it just became a thing we did with neither of us asking, more that he was happy going in and no issues. But if one of us didn't text there wouldn't be any phone calls to follow it up.

Unless we're in the garden (or popping in and out of the garden) our back door is always locked. The front door is always locked. Windows are locked if they aren't open. Basic house security, and if we were burgled because we'd left a door or ground floor window unlocked insurance wouldn't cover it.

Our front door always gets locked, even when we are in. The back is left unlocked (when we are in) but the back gate is locked and difficult to climb over.

I'm at home. I'm sitting 1 metre from the door. I don't need it locked. And i don't feel i need to explain why i've left my own house and into the garden. The door goes onto the garden, not to the street. Surely having a back door open to your own garden when you are a metre from the door is alright safety wise?

I would only be OK with that if a key is left in the lock on the inside.
It's not safe to be locked in and not have the key right there ready - I've twice had to evacuate a building due to fire, the idea of searching around for the key, losing precious time as the building burns, terrifies me.

And yeah, demanding an explanation from you is out of order.

We both lock the front door when we leave or when we get home and the back door is locked all the time (with the key in the lock if we’re in the house and awake). I don’t think it’s anxiety to have doors locked as a matter of habit. Takes less than a second to unlock it.

I'm another one with a history of OCD, and I think you're onto something here maybe.

We had footprints appear in our raised flowerbed one night, somebody had been on the prowl. Our doors will always be locked and luckily they were on this occasion

We also had a guy last year going round trying doors. Opportunists are everywhere. Don't give them the chance

We also don't leave ground floor windows open unless someone is in the room. We're not in a high crime area, this is just based on common sense and insurance terms and conditions.

maybe it's because it's part of a load of other stuff like giving him daily updates on dropping the kids off it feels stifling to me.

I always lock our doors when we’re in the house. Too many chancers kicking about looking for opportunities. A few weeks ago a stranger opened my friends back door and luckily her DH chased him away but had she been upstairs, they would have been robbed.

Also happed to my cousins a couple of years ago. She was bringing the shopping in from her car and turned round and a man was standing in her hallway.

I don't think there's anything wrong with him wanting to keep the house and occupants safe, but the fact he comments on it being unlocked and the constant texts asking if things have gone ok with school drop off definitely suggest anxiety to me. Or, I suppose, control? But then anxiety is often about feeling as if you have no control.

If I came home and the back door was left unlocked and noone was out in the garden that I could see, I'd ask the same and in truth it would be a reminder to the other person that we need to be maintaining our home security even when we're at home. If my ex had said oh I was doing xyz in the garden and I'm going back out then I'd be like fair enough. But if he just left it open when he knew it bothered me that much then I'd have been a bit annoyed that he's not working with me to keep our home safe.

I don't see any reason why you need to have the door unlocked especially if the key for it is beside it/ in the lock so readily available if needed.

ok - i stand corrected. just to stress that i'm in the same room as the door and the door goes out onto a garden that is also gated/locked. it's a door that goes onto something else that is locked!

but sure - maybe i'm too casual. ppl often say i'm v relaxed - maybe too much so.

I just think i'm in and out the garden and i'd rather not have someone lock me in. If i want to lock the door - i will.

We always lock the door when we leave, if someone is still in. What if the person left in forgot the door was unlocked and went upstairs? It only takes a second for a burglar to come in an open door and snatch your bag/phone etc. , as has happened to two of my friends.
I suspect your issue isn't the door, more you feel like DH is too controlling

Unless it’s a nice day and we’re in and out of the garden, we keep both doors locked as a matter of course. Probably don’t need to because our road is a very quiet cul de sac, but it’s an ingrained habit after years of living in inner city areas where it’s not uncommon for people to be burgled while they’re in. YABU to be annoyed by it.