To hate that he locks the door when we're home

[LotteryFights]

Our front door is always locked as it goes straight onto the road & we never use it. Instead we use the backdoor was goes out to the garden and then through the garden gate onto a side road where the car is parked.

H is highly anxious. For example every single morning without fail he messages me saying 'drop off ok?' (I drop the kids off before I go to work) and i have to write 'yes' or he'll call me and i'll be in meetings and he calls and calls.

When he leaves the house at the weekend and me and DC (primary school) are home, we are in the back room/snug thing which is where the back door is and he will leave by this door and then use his key to lock the back door from the outside. Of course I'm not locked in as I can just unlock it but it's so weird to me. We are home, watching telly or playing and he is outside locking us in. If I wanted to lock the back door while we were at home - i could do it.

And then when he comes back and it's unlocked as i've popped into garden - he will ask why it's unlocked. He's not angry but he's geniunely expecting a response - and I find myself explaining myself to him like a kid!

He think I'm the weird one and he's keeping us safe. I makes me uncomfortable - which he says is my issue.

AIBU to feel hate it?

We keep all doors locked. If we go out, we turn the key and unlock it. No biggie. I don’t think he sounds anxious, just normal homeowner stuff.

Me and my DH also message each other to say drop off ok? Most of the time it’s no eventful but sometimes we say ‘DS was a bit teary’ or Headmaster mentioned XYZ at the gate.

All this stuff is normal.

I’m actually surprised at the people who think this is an issue!
first, it’s a safety thing - I always lock myself in, our front and back doors are always locked (although I used to never lock them until I had a weird pal who would just walk in haha).
second, it’s a habit thing - leave the house lock the door.

That's your choice though. The op can make her own choices too. She chooses to leave it unlocked.

Absolutely this. Its pretty bloody obvious that the H is not behaving normally, and that his obsessive behaviour is impacting on the OP. Its up to him to find ways to manage his anxiety.

The key here is where do you live. I never lock my front/side door/French windows in the day time but try to remember lock them at night although don’t always succeed. But I live in an area with incredibly low/non existent crime, for example a friend went away for a month and left all her doors unlocked.
If I lived in a city for example I might be more vigilante.
But I fully appreciate not everyone is the same. My MIL locked the kids in the garden because she was obsessed about being burgled and was convinced that someone would come in the “back French windows” for the ten seconds her back was turned despite the fact to do it burglers would have had to walk 3 miles up a busy railway line scramble over a 10 foot high fence and 50 years of uncleared brambles. Of course because she was never burgled she became even more convinced that her obsessive safety measures were working despite the fact that the much more lax neighbours were also never burgled.

I'm confused that you would prefer him to leave the door unlocked when you're asleep? That's so strange!

I'm with you OP. Would never lock the doors if we were in (other than overnight).

You want to live in a house that any chancer opportunist could just try the handle and walk in? YABU. Your DH is probably uber safety conscious because you seem recklessly cavalier about it.

Yes I don’t understand .. the back door being locked isn’t really the big issue here. That would drive me nuts OP being spoken to like a child. Im
sure there are many other times too when he does it,

@LotteryFights Locking the front door is a very sensible thing to do, given the location of the house.

But locking the back door when people are home is really strange.

I would find this way too much too OP- really surprised at some of the responses! I always lock the door once all in the house but during the day while we are in and kids in and out of the house into the garden, it would drive me mad if my DH was locking the door behind him whilst we are all there.

If it's easy for anyone to get to your back door I would keep it locked too. If I'm home alone the back doors are usually locked, unless I'm in and out doing things in the garden. If I'm going to be out of sight of the door I'll lock it behind me on the way out. Our neighbours were robbed when they were in the garden but right at the top out of sight of the house, which probably makes me more cautious these days.

Our doors are always locked when not in use. Our garden is very secure, so that does get left open when we're in and out. But if the door is closed, it is locked. It's a good habit I think.
Someone walked into our conservatory (our back door) when we were having dinner when I was a teen. This was a secure garden in a nice area. Police think they were hunting for car keys. I always wonder how often things like this, or attempts, happen and we never realise.

We actually tend to leave the key in the lock, but slightly pulled out. But yes, as long as it's there to hand I would be fine.

The second event we evacuated wasn't too bad - a huge explosion near our house so enough time to grab belongings and leave.
But the first was in a block of flats and the fire alarms were accidentally deactivated. By the time we made it out half the building was ablaze. The thought of trying in that panic to locate keys!

It's the back door into her garden she's talking about- and she is in the house downstairs. Hardly recklessly cavalier, honestly!!

For people saying I'm being careless. What do you do in the summer with the back door? Surely the kids can play in the garden and then come in to get a drink amd go back out without asking someone to unlock and lock the door again?

I know multiple people who have been robbed by people who have sneaked in the front door while they were upstairs or in a back room, there have been a number of cases where the homeowner suprised the thief and its gone wrong.
We don't bother now as the dog lies by the front door most of the time and we have an alert on our alarm when the door opens BUT we always used to and I think its a good idea.
As for your H's anxiety about other things I have no idea if he's over the top or not.

Also for people saying "ah our garden is secure"...so is ours. It's hard to describe of course but the back door goes onto a garden that is gated and locked and that garden gate goes onto a quiet side street in a village.

Just to counter the 'so many people I know have been burgled', I don't know anyone who has been the victim of someone sneaking into their house and stealing something whilst they are in.

I’m with you OP. If it’s daytime and I’m in the house the back door stays open as I’m always in and out of the garden. DH is a door locker (and a light switcher offer) and has locked me in the garden many a time (and left me in the kitchen in the dark)

I’ve taken the back door key off his keyring but the only solution to being locked out is to have the door key in my pocket.

Can’t come up with a solution to the lights though

Locking a door that is straight onto the street is a great habit, especially with young children in the house. It only takes a second for your eye to be turned. Maybe he is worried a child will open the door and walk out when you are distracted?

A burglar entered my mums house through an unlocked front door. He took her car keys then stole her car and burned it out. A pp said insurance wouldn’t cover it, they did.

Does he lock the kids out in the garden in summer if they're playing outside then?

I don't know if our neighbourhood is particularly bad, but another one of my neighbours was napping in their conservatory and someone walked in, presumably they hadn't seen she was there, fortunately she woke up and they ran off.

How is the gate locked? A simple sliding bolt is not locked.

When I say secure I mean there is zero gates to our garden to enter it you’d need to go though scrub, climb fenced and over building or go though one of our front doors.