To hate that he locks the door when we're home

[LotteryFights]

Our front door is always locked as it goes straight onto the road & we never use it. Instead we use the backdoor was goes out to the garden and then through the garden gate onto a side road where the car is parked.

H is highly anxious. For example every single morning without fail he messages me saying 'drop off ok?' (I drop the kids off before I go to work) and i have to write 'yes' or he'll call me and i'll be in meetings and he calls and calls.

When he leaves the house at the weekend and me and DC (primary school) are home, we are in the back room/snug thing which is where the back door is and he will leave by this door and then use his key to lock the back door from the outside. Of course I'm not locked in as I can just unlock it but it's so weird to me. We are home, watching telly or playing and he is outside locking us in. If I wanted to lock the back door while we were at home - i could do it.

And then when he comes back and it's unlocked as i've popped into garden - he will ask why it's unlocked. He's not angry but he's geniunely expecting a response - and I find myself explaining myself to him like a kid!

He think I'm the weird one and he's keeping us safe. I makes me uncomfortable - which he says is my issue.

AIBU to feel hate it?

I live in a supposedly good area, and would never have imagined this would happen here either. It’s also happened to several neighbours (one actually had their front door kicked in when they were in asleep). I think with the police and prison cuts, col crisis things are unlikely to improve either.

In my opinion it’s similar to using a seatbelt in your car. The chances of something happening may be small, but the consequences can be terrible.

In my opinion it’s similar to using a seatbelt in your car.

Well no, because that is a legal reqiurement.

See I think that is exactly where the whole risk assessment has gone wrong on this thread because it isn’t the same as a seat belt. The vast majority of us will have an incident where the seat belt is needed - even if it is making a sudden stop - a fair number of times. The number that experience people coming into their house when they are their (and this isn’t about empty house burglaries is it because it is locking when IN the house) is much lower

Even when it wasn't, lots of people still used seat belts!

And even now it's a legal requirement, a fair proportion of people still don't wear them or only put them on half way down the street.

Sometimes it is a combination of many things for it to come too much.

I don't agree with leaving the back door unlocked. But the pushy behaviour of the husband as he locks it to show he will impose what he wants on the household (when he is going out!) is not acceptable.

Likewise, the need to text back or you will be bombarded with phone calls is unacceptable to me. If it was just to the door locking, perhaps it would be a compromise. But all together, it seems OP has valid concerns about her independence and autonomy in the relationship.

I would tackle the texting and phone calls first by telling partner you do not want this going forward and explicitly say you do not like this level of codependency and it is going to stop.

Having read your updates I refer back to my earlier comment about this being controlling behaviour. If my DH locked the back door while I was literally sitting there I would think he had lost it.