To hate that he locks the door when we're home

[LotteryFights]

Our front door is always locked as it goes straight onto the road & we never use it. Instead we use the backdoor was goes out to the garden and then through the garden gate onto a side road where the car is parked.

H is highly anxious. For example every single morning without fail he messages me saying 'drop off ok?' (I drop the kids off before I go to work) and i have to write 'yes' or he'll call me and i'll be in meetings and he calls and calls.

When he leaves the house at the weekend and me and DC (primary school) are home, we are in the back room/snug thing which is where the back door is and he will leave by this door and then use his key to lock the back door from the outside. Of course I'm not locked in as I can just unlock it but it's so weird to me. We are home, watching telly or playing and he is outside locking us in. If I wanted to lock the back door while we were at home - i could do it.

And then when he comes back and it's unlocked as i've popped into garden - he will ask why it's unlocked. He's not angry but he's geniunely expecting a response - and I find myself explaining myself to him like a kid!

He think I'm the weird one and he's keeping us safe. I makes me uncomfortable - which he says is my issue.

AIBU to feel hate it?

I'm with your DH on this. You are lucky to be with someone safety conscious. My ex was the exact opposite and it caused no end of stress for me.

Do you not have your door open in the summer? We are all in and out of the garden all day and the door is hooked back?

I don't think she said 'berates'.

I don't think I'd mind the door locking. I lock my ds in the house when I leave, and he's a six foot teen. He can unlock it obviously.

Partly habit but partly if a big burly buglar came through the unlocked door, I don't want my teen ds to have to face him.

Expecting a check-in every time you go out is a bit much though. That would irritate me too.

I always have front door locked. Stranger walked into my house once. Never again. Back door no. But not open to public.

She's not leaving though

I'm with you on this one OP. It sounds incredibly infantilising- you're a grown woman capable of making your own risk assessment, and it's pretty normal to leave your back door unlocked eg to let kids go in and out.

FWIW we frequently leave our front door on the latch when we pop to the shop if someone else is home. We're in a reasonably rough bit of London (by some standards, I find it fine) and not had any problems

We always lock our door behind us regardless of whether the other person is in. Hear too many stories of folk walking into houses when someone is in. Not weird in the slightest.

Was this summer with children running around the house and garden making noise, using the very door the thief would have to come in by, or was this a quiet house where the thief could hear no-one was in the kitchen from outside?

OP will also know her neighbourhood. I once left my purse on the passenger seat in my car, parked on the road outside my house, for several days till I realised it was gone. No-one smashed my car window to take it. Some neighbourhoods are very safe.

Well, I guess this depends on where you live. But we've had instances locally where people have got into houses through unlocked back doors (when the occupant was in the house) and stolen things. And people who've been in their house and seen intruders come into their garden. Would you be comfortable if you were sat by an unlocked back door and someone you didn't know came into the garden?

I'm also guessing you don't lock the door if you go to the toilet or into the kitchen to make a drink?

I'm with you op. You are a grown woman, you can decide if you want the doors locked when you are home just like he can decide what he wants when he is home. Questioning you on your decision isn't ok.

Do you sit there all day or do you occasionally go upstairs or to the toilet? When you do those things do you lock the door before you go?

Opportunist thieves, even in broad daylight, are a real thing and it is sensible to lock doors, even a back door when not in use.

In the summer I leave my french doors wide open, but if I am in the house myself and going upstairs I'll close and lick them.

Closing and locking a door if the kids are playing in the garden is strange though.

I was sitting a metre away from the backdoor when someone started opening it. I shouted at him and he gave up. At the same time DH heard another person trying to get into our car.

He used to have the same attitude as the OP about locking doors. We have number locks on the two back doors so you don't need a key to get in or out, better lighting at the back door and he is way more careful.

Awful OP. My back door is unlocked mostly when we are home because I am in an out of the garden and outside buildings during the day as are the kids. The chances of a mass murderer coming over the wall and into the house in a normal residential area are beyond slim and anyone who is stressing and panicking about this has unneeded anxiety. A bit like fear of flying or fear of going up high in case you fall off a building. Yes it might happen 1 in a million but the stress and anxiety around the door locking and getting the kids to lock and unlock the door each and every time would ruin my present life far more than some minuscule chance of someone intending harm coming in.

That would piss me off, OP. I think it’s sensible to keep home security in mind but questioning why it’s unlocked when you’re just doing household work is a bit OTT in my opinion. Your husband needs to chill, just a little.

We had someone try our door handle recently, this was with people in the house too. keep it locked x

** lock them! I am not partial to the taste of windowlene!

We also lock and chain our door when we're in but that's because our daughter is autistic (4yo) and got out once and ran off down the street so I have major anxiety now, and when I go on my driving lessons my gran baby sits and I wait to hear the chair go on before I leave. Is there a reason or a particular member he's worried about? Or a pet?

Too many people focusing on the back door and not on the fact that OP's husband doesn't even trust her to do the school run without ringing her incessantly about it.

Yes it was! Unless we are physically staying on the room with the unlocked door now they are locked. This was in what would be considered a nice area too so was unusual in that someone would even think to do this

There are people who walk into a house through an unlocked door and grab handbags/valuables/car keys etc. sometimes it takes hours before the household realise these things are missing. If you're not bothered about that then leave it open.

The ringing you/anxiety thing is a separate issue imo. Not the door locking.

I totally get you @LotteryFights - you are an adult and can leave the door unlocked if you wish to do so. His wish to have it locked does not trump your wish to have it unlocked, and I wouldn't take the lecturing well either.

So you were still in bed and you wanted him to leave the doors unlocked?!

Of course I lock both doors when I'm in the house. I wouldn't dream of leaving either unlocked. Leaving the door unlocked is just an invitation to thieves.