Do you bother to keep in touch with your cousins?

[Allthenameshavegone1972]

Just that really. I really miss the old days of the 70's when we user to have big family parties at my grandparents houses. I have 5 cousins & a few second cousins. We keep in touch on Facebook & that's about it. All of our grandparents are dead, most of the parents are dead too.
I try to initiate a meet up once a year and these always seem to go well. However, none of them ever initiate back. It makes me question whether or not they really want to meet and I think why bother. It seems it's the grandparents are the link that keeps everyone together. Once that link is gone then it all falls apart.

We were very close growing up and used to have frequent meet ups. Since our grandparents died and our parents have all become so old, these meet ups have stopped. We all live hundreds of miles apart. I've been feeling sad in recent years that we don't see each other much. It's been a few yearssince we saw each other. However, we do keep in touch on WhatsApp and share news so I do feel connected to them. We're meeting soon actually.
If I was you, I'd continue with the annual get togethers. I think it's important to have that sense of family connection (if you all like each other!). If they didn't value it, they wouldn't come. In each group there's usually one person who does all the organising. In your group, it's you. In my family, it's me. That's OK. I don't resent it, and I think people appreciate me getting everyone together. I think it would he a shame if you stopped.

I’ve got loads of cousins (Irish Catholic grandparents who moved to UK), and your description of family parties in 70s has made me quite nostalgic. We’d pile round one family’s house. The adults would all be together and us kids would all be roaming around the house either planning a ‘show’ or planning mischief. I don’t remember much adult supervision at these times.

Some of my cousins I’ve not seen for decades. Some I see at family events (which tend to be funerals of parents these days), some I keep up with on Facebook and some - the ones who had kids around the same time as me - we’d meet up occasionally to catch up. Back in the 70s we all lived round the corner from one another. Being the first generation in our family to go to university has meant we’re now scattered all over the world.

No, I barely know my cousins. We weren't close as children either though as there's quite a big age gap.

I couldn't even name them all.

I'm always grateful for the existence of Facebook. Without it I'd probably see the cousins on one side of my family once a year and not have any contact with them in between. But with FB I can see the photos they put on of their kids and feel a bit more connected to their lives.

Geographically I'm a lot closer to the three cousins on the other side of my family but rarely see them and none of them are very active on FB so I don't feel connected to them at all. It's a shame because we have kids of similar ages but the last two years I've invited their kids to my child's birthday parties and they've all made excuses. They could be true excuses but I do find it a shame that our kids don't have a relationship with each other at all, when I loved hanging out with them when we were all kids together.

My husband on the other hand comes from a huge family and wouldn't recognise most of his cousins if they walked past him in the street. I think it's a shame he doesn't know them but he's not bothered in the slightest.

I doubt my child will have much of a relationship with her first cousins as an adult. Most of them are already adults while she's still a fairly young child, and the ones who are children live quite far away and their parents aren't too fussed about getting together so she never has much of a chance to get to know them. It's sad I suppose but then she has other close 'family like' relationships such as with a child who lives virtually next door so they're in each other's houses all the time, so I like to think she's not missing out by not being close to her cousins.

Mine are all around 15 years younger than me, and some of them live in the US so we're not in touch. Haven't seen them in years. But I know vaguely what they're up to via my mum who keeps in touch with her siblings. I don't have any cousins on my dad's side.

Yes, we have an annual get together ( my cousins live in America, Canada, France and Spain , as well as across the UK so we can't just pop in to see each other) I meet up regularly with one and have just holidayed with another.

No. I know I've got loads but only ever met one lot. I keep in touch with one of them but have no idea where the others are and have never met them.

We realised when my gp died that the cousin network may fall apart so make an effort every year or so to get together, plus have a cousin WhatsApp group. Outside that, not alot of contact, but we’re spread across the country.

I'm still close to several of my cousins. Mainly because we have things in common and spent many of our early 20s going out together. A few of us worked together for a bit too, as teenagers. We all live around the world now, but meet up when everyone is back in the U.K.

Only see them at weddings and funerals. We were never close as children though, as our parents weren't. Never been close to grandparents either.

They live in another country so I only see them if we visit each other's countries. However, we do have a cousin WhatsApp group and we enjoy each other's company when I do see them.

I have 41 first cousins and keep in touch with about half of them. When we're across in NZ, however, we often arrange a get together with one side of the family. It's always lovely to catch up with everyone and meet their children.

This has really got me thinking. Only two cousins here, similar ages to me and siblings, and lovely memories of family events over the years - Xmas, big birthdays etc. Definitely facilitated by GPs and later by DM and my aunt. I think things just move on. Now DM and aunt each have their own grandchildren and it tends to be ‘our’ family with DM, my siblings and their offspring and then aunt’s family with her DC (my cousins), their partners, their DC etc. So my DC are now close to their cousins due to meet ups throughout the year. I don’t know if they’ll all remember the gatherings at mine at Xmas in the same way I remember Xmas Eve at my aunt’s, but a little nephew did start talking about last Xmas when he was visiting recently and seemed excited that there would be a repeat this year.

Same for me

I've recently connected with mine over the last few years after we all realised at my aunts funeral that most of the parents are dead and we'd lose contact otherwise.
We have a WhatsApp group which is fairly active ( but not ridiculously so) and we usually arrange an afternoon or night out at Xmas.
If I lived closer I'd see more of them.

I only have 2 but never met them despite living in the same town as our parents didn't get on. DH has a few he used to see regularly as a child but when his mum passed away the link with that side of the family was gone & now he hasn't seen them for about 20 years.

Yeah i really miss the days of meeting up with all my cousins. I have a huge family with more cousins than anyone else I know and yet I rarely see anyone. A few I would bump into and have a good chat but I found the big meetups stopped once my grandparents had passed away.

I only have 2 first cousins and haven't seen them for 20 years since our shared grandmother died. I have several second cousins on the other side that I do keep contact with. I don't see them often but we exchange messages and occasionally meet up.

I have loads of cousins. Not sure how many but it’s over 30. Might get a text from one about once a year, but that’s the extent of it.

My husband has only 7 cousins and he sees them all.

No, not since childhood. And that's fine - there is no reason to be in touch with random people.

No. I have second cousins only and we are friends on FB and will email probably once a year. They live miles away from me and havent really bothered to contact me very much so I cant be arsed either. When my mum died they didnt bother to check in and when my dad died it was the same. Now their dad has died they suddenly made more of an effort to keep in touch but for me, it's kinda too late. It feels like when my family shrunk they couldnt be arsed but suddenly when they started losing people they suddenly wanted connection with me.

I'm afraid it doesnt work like that so I will remain polite but distant.

No. Part of it is that none of us have the huge houses that our grandparents had, so we can't actually host these big get togethers. Most of us can only fit four round the table, 6 at a squeeze.

It varies with me, some I'm close with and spend time with staying with each other at least once a year.

Others, I would probably not recognise if I walked past them in the street, and last I saw them was at the funeral of the last linking grandparent 30 years ago.

Edited to add, I've just realised it's only my female cousins that I keep in touch with. Probably because we are the only ones that can be arsed maintaining contact! 😂

I'm regualr contact with one. I'm godmother to kne of her children. Others I see at family gatherings which are getting rarer now that there are no grandparents left.