Do you bother to keep in touch with your cousins?

[Allthenameshavegone1972]

Just that really. I really miss the old days of the 70's when we user to have big family parties at my grandparents houses. I have 5 cousins & a few second cousins. We keep in touch on Facebook & that's about it. All of our grandparents are dead, most of the parents are dead too.
I try to initiate a meet up once a year and these always seem to go well. However, none of them ever initiate back. It makes me question whether or not they really want to meet and I think why bother. It seems it's the grandparents are the link that keeps everyone together. Once that link is gone then it all falls apart.

Not really. Haven’t been close for many years to my cousins on either side of the family. Nothing to do with grandparents being alive though, just busy lives and ever less in common as we left childhood.

I've never known them as they're in a different country, so no.

My children are in touch with their cousins but I haven’t seen mine since about 1985.

I have one cousin I've never even met.
My Dad moved to be with my Mum and hardly ever went "home" to visit. I think I met my paternal grandparents maybe twice, as a very young child.
My Mum connected with my cousin on fb quite recently (Dad and both his siblings have now passed away) so we sort of communicate, but nothing more than that.

I've definitely experienced the phenomena where an essential grandparent dies or is unable to host and it all falls apart. I'm not in touch with any cousins now, nothing against them but we don't have anything to do with each other. I'd rather focus on people who do spend time with me.

On the other hand my DHs extended family are quite intentional about regularly spending time together and therefore are closer despite distance.

It's variable. I have 21 first cousins, a vast crowd of second cousins, and we're in our 50s so there's another generation or two coming through. Tbh I don't remember all the names of the younger lot, especially the devoutly religious branches with 7 kids apiece.

Tbh with so many, I don't feel a huge pressure to keep up with large groups. It's also taken me some time to realise that there are entire clutches of cousins who think my particular family are a bit of a car crash, partly due IMO to the oversharing tendencies of one of my siblings - eg my brother sister and I had a tense exchange about an issue to do with my mother's care, which I think we managed to sort out, but one of my cousins then said 'oh I gather you're all at total loggerheads about x' as if it was a permanent state, and i realised that she'd probably contacted my suster when she was upset and extracted the story from her. In general it is not very pleasant to be constantly put back into a family box that doesn't represent who I am any more.

Having said that, I would say there are 2 cousins of mine who are real friends as in we visit each other separately from family events, and i would be invited to their family weddings. The same for one of my mother's (infinitely numerous) cousins. And there are a lot of my cousins I'm really happy to see and chat with at funerals, but who wouldn't invite me to weddings.

I have four first cousins, one is a lot older than me and we don’t really speak, he is closer in age to my dad and they were very close before my dad died, but I speak to his mum regularly. They live at the other end of the country and we occasionally visit her and he will usually drop in if we are there. My other three cousins are siblings and we meet up once a year for a big family gathering at one of their houses and may see each other more if someone has a big birthday or if I am visiting the area they live in. We also message occasionally but not loads.

i have a few second cousins who live closer but I still only see once or twice a year, they are nice enough but we don’t have loads in common.

When you're a kid you're being brought into contact with your cousins when your parents see their siblings. Once you're an adult, you visit your siblings, and then your kids see their cousins. At that point your cousin relationships only really survive if you were especially close or if you were friends outside the context of the family. But I think what you're doing is really nice actually- I bet your cousins enjoy it, I would, even if life is too busy to make it more than a once in a year thing.

Some of them.
I have two on one side and I see one and keep in touch pretty regularly. Will visit when I'm home and visa versa. Both of us have kids so our lives are busy - I speak / see her as much as I do my other friends that aren't local.
On the other side, only via social media and will pop in locally if I'm around.

I also miss the type of parties we had as kids. We do all still play the same games we used to when we met up - it gets very silly and still as competitive.

Remember the scarf, hat and knife and fork to eat chocolate game?

I have two cousins on my mother's side but not seen them in decades. Three on my father's, two again I haven't seen in 40 years and one I do stay in touch with. He's a sort of honorary brother as his parents have died and he's an only child.

It you enjoy seeing them I'd keep doing the once a year thing. Depending on where I am in life I often have the capacity to say yes to an invite, but not plan a whole event.

You could always say something at the next one along the lines of 'right, I've organised a few of these, anyone want to plan the next one?' Which might give someone considering it a bit of a push.

Yes - we try to meet up a couple of times a year with the kids so they get to know each other. However it is instigated by one particular cousin who organises us all. Second and third cousins are not left out.

We are very grateful for her taking the time to do this. Before she took the lead we had not met for 10+ years. She is truly amazing.

I didn’t have any cousins on my mother’s side and was not in touch with my father’s family at all until an ancestry DNA test a couple of years ago.
I have now met 3 cousins in Australia and there are many more scattered across the globe. Language barriers prevent many of us from connecting but I am part of a WhatsApp group with the Australian ones who have added in some more in Canada, the US and Denmark! Currently trying to figure out where in the world we could possibly meet up but it’s unlikely to happen.
My father was the youngest of many siblings so most of my cousins are retirement age and considerably more affluent than me!

On my mother’s side, no. I saw them a lot growing up, but at my grandfather’s funeral they stood in a little huddle and completely ignored me when I approached. I decided at that point I was done. We have nothing in common apart from biology and they clearly dislike me or my mother for some reason. I was quite disgusted that despite them all living within 10 miles of my grandad’s care home I was the only one who bothered to visit him regularly (at all…) and I lived 200+ miles away.

On my father’s side I keep in touch with a couple of them. Hoping to see them over Christmas in fact. However, Ienvythe relationship my mother has with some of her cousins who like each other and want to keep in touch.

I have about 25 first cousins and not in contact with any. My sister speaks to a few on Facebook and if she bumps into them now and again.

I have five first cousins. One of them I see every other year at Christmas (but we do arrange this with each other - it's not that we are both separately invited to a larger gathering). One lives in NZ but I see him when he comes back. The other three I haven't seen for years. DH rarely sees his cousins either.

I have three and I have seen two of them this year and we all talk on the phone. Will see the third at Christmas as they live far away. We were brought up as siblings, spending lots of time together as I'm an only child.

I’ve not seen or spoken to any of my cousins since I was a very young child. I wouldn’t recognise them if they walked past me now. I’ve no idea if they are married or have children of their own.

I barely remember mine. Most were 15 years older than me so no.

I don't see my cousin very much as I live in Aus and she's in the UK. But we text regularly and are close.

I have about 18 first cousins and a number of second cousins. I'm close to some of my mum and dad's first cousins and see them as aunts/uncles. Many of cousins live all over the world now so it's more Facebook and insta. Those in England we prob see each other once a year, there is one set of 4 siblings I'm closer to and we see them about 4-5 times a year.

Middle class dysfunction. We are polite but not at all close. I couldn't pick my cousins out in a lineup.

@Allthenameshavegone1972 agree with you completely. Once the grandparents go then....we used to meet at the grandparents for new year. Usually about 20 of us. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Now I very rarely see or hear from anyone

My dad grew up in care so I don't know any cousins I might have from his side of the family. On my mum's side, one cousin passed away 20 years ago and her brother is a lot older than me and lives the other side of the country so we only rarely see each other at family events about every 8 years or so. I'm not in touch with him in between those times.

I make a special effort with my cousins as my DC is an only and I want him to have connections after we are gone. My sister and I bring our kids up as defacto siblings too.