Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

[Meloney]

We're staying at the inlaws for a month because we're having some renovation work at home. FIL absolutely refuses to put the heating on. It's not yet winter according to him. MIL has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings. We asked FIL to put the heating on tonight because our bedroom is like an ice box, and he said no.

AIBU to give him some cash for the heating and ask to put it on? Do you think £100 is appropriate? We were going to give them some money (couple of hundred) for bills etc. when we leave (even though they keep insisting not to worry). I'm thinking offering some cash up front might help motivate him to put the heating on now.

For context, they're both 70, retired and financially comfortable, and live in a mortgage-free, 4 bedroom house in an affluent area of the SE. (What I'm saying is they're not hard up, so don't think it's unreasonable for them to have the heating on atm).

I'd buy a tiny heater for your room, and maybe an electric blanket. Poor MIL.

I think the older generation see central heating as a luxury??? My dad is nearly 80 and only just put it on this week 🥶😳

If you buy an electric heater of some kind, an electric blanket and a nice heated throw for mil would he would let you plug them in ?? What does he wear around the house ??

Poor MIL but at the same time, shes a bit of a mug (if no control / abuse etc)

Why the hell does she not just put it on?

Rent an Airbnb or stay in a cheap hotel, not worth the stress.

Say to him you really feel the cold and would it be possible especially if you paid the electric bill this month?

MIL has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings. We asked FIL to put the heating on tonight because our bedroom is like an ice box, and he said no.

This is not about money, it's about control.

So I don't think offering this pathetic twat £100 will make any difference.

Infant your partner should be asking them this no?

Fil should be ashamed of himself, speak up for mil, what a miser he is.

I'd give them money. Embarrass fil into putting it on.
And suggest they consider downsizing, although that might not save much money by they factor in moving costs.

Double check mil is OK and isn't being abused, controlled

What would you have paid if you’d needed a hotel/airbnb for a month? £500? £1000? Give them that now and ask for the heating to go on whilst you’re there!

and buy your mother in law a heated throw for Xmas!

My bil is like this. Another sil stayed with him one time when her kids were little and they were scared of having all the lights off. He kept turning the hall light off and sil eventually went over and handed him $5 and said here is money to pay for this light being left on so my kids will actually sleep and not be scared all night.

same thing, comfortablly off no money worries he’s just a miser.

id go so far as to say he is abusive to your mil.

If he's not embarrassed that his 70 year old wife has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings, he's not going to get embarrassed at being offered £100.

Thanks all for your concern about MIL. She's kind of just as bad, she claims she would prefer not to put the heating on because it's wasteful. I don't think it's abuse, but they do have a very old-fashioned marriage where what FIL says, goes. I think he does like an element of control. They definitely have a misplaced scarcity mindset that's getting worse as they get older.

Also to add, FIL has control of the heating system/thermostat via his phone, so we can't even sneakily turn it on!

Whilst many of us grew up without central heating and were used to frost inside the bedroom windows when we got up, it's made most of us appreciate it now!

I think your FiL is being abusive - why can't MiL insist on having it on?

Try telling your FIL that you will pay the full heating bill for the month you are there. £100 wouldn't go far if it's a reasonable sized house. Mine's that per week in winter.

Oh god. Do as @Neveranynamesleft says. Heated throws, heater for your room. And then when he moans about electricity costs tell him it would be cheaper if he just put the heating on....

Buy an oil filled plug in radiator for your bedroom. Best £100 you’ll have spent in a long time and can take it back to your house to use eg when wfh to heat just one room rather than the whole house.

I mean I'm on min wage and have to be really careful with heating but I wouldn't let any visitors be cold!
Heating would be on around 19c, heated throws or hot water bottles on offer etc

Find an airbnb or a hotel. I wouldn't be able to stay there for weeks and weeks.

If we go to an Airbnb it will cause a bit of a scene I think.

Thanks for the cost insight @snotathing We will insist on paying the heating bill, but they'll never share how much it is so we were thinking of giving them £400 tomorrow towards it. We live in a 2 bed terraced, relatively new build, so not 100% sure what a heating bill for a decent sized 50yo 4 bedroom detached house might be.

At their age, they are in danger of hypothermia. It is more common than people realise. Your husband needs to insist to his his parents that they keep their home at a safe temperature (whether they have visitors or not).