Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

[Meloney]

We're staying at the inlaws for a month because we're having some renovation work at home. FIL absolutely refuses to put the heating on. It's not yet winter according to him. MIL has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings. We asked FIL to put the heating on tonight because our bedroom is like an ice box, and he said no.

AIBU to give him some cash for the heating and ask to put it on? Do you think £100 is appropriate? We were going to give them some money (couple of hundred) for bills etc. when we leave (even though they keep insisting not to worry). I'm thinking offering some cash up front might help motivate him to put the heating on now.

For context, they're both 70, retired and financially comfortable, and live in a mortgage-free, 4 bedroom house in an affluent area of the SE. (What I'm saying is they're not hard up, so don't think it's unreasonable for them to have the heating on atm).

Well said. What do you think OP could he?

O yes, absolutely, this is one of my rants, a grey or silver car on a grey road, in gloom with no lights on, on a country lane especially, coming at me. I’m not a flasher usually, but I flash lights at these motorised morons.

you use pound notes ?

Think money up front is better than afterwards.

what does it matter? it is a thread providing swapped stories, exclamation, comparison, correction (WFP)

Can't bear being cold in someone else's house let alone a close relative's where there's no need to be 'polite'. Seems very odd that your MIL sits there rugged up and doesn't mind.
If your FIL has an App, you should be able to control the heating still via each radiator (we have an App too but you can still control each rad separately), however I'd probably just find an AirBnB locally and stay there in the warm!

OTOH a DSis’s FiL, who lived in the N of Scotland, would never visit during the summer because it was ‘too hot’ - DSis and BiL lived in Yorkshire!

That reminds me of the friend whose mother wouldn't visit him in Fife, even in summer, because it was so cold. She lived in Manchester, so not hugely warmer and almost certainly wetter.

Did your MIL go out to work?

This!! There is another thread on here asking if people leave the heat on overnight and many people are saying that they had no central heating when they were children and cannot stand it on at night or too hot in the day and they shove on extra layers and then layers on the layers. Well that is their choice and fair enough but, like my parents, I was cold as a child with no choice and as soon as we moved out of our condemned house and did have a choice, we swore never to be cold again. (I am in my 70's)

My mums place was always too hot - all those years at freezing boarding school in rural Ireland and she felt being warm was money well spent!
I turned the heating on two weeks ago as I had guests staying. I don't tend to heat bedrooms as I'm only there at night under the covers, but downstairs is set at 18 and I don't turn it off. I live in a three bed plus study terrace and my gas bill is £65/month on standing order and I have my gas fire on most nights too.
Being warm is basic.

It sounds like.

so many threads about this reg old people not wanting to put the heating in. Did they grow up without heating? Surely is not healthy if you are always in an environment under 15 degrees; specially for old people

After school she had an admin job for about 8 years before becoming a full-time mum.

I’m 69 so that’s my generation, and no, it’s not normalised, it’s controlling! I don’t think it was normalised in my parents generation!!

no it has absolutely NOT been normalised in their generation, that is an excuse for abusive behaviour. I am in my 70's. I am not saying that abusive domineering people don't exist in my generation, or in my parents' generation come to that, but it is neither normal nor accepted. Don't excuse your inlaws or your parents by tarring us all with that brush.

MIL grew up in poverty in the 60s. She was 1 of 8 kids who grew up in a 3 bedroom terraced on a rough estate in London. They had no heating, shared baths, and survived on bread and potatoes. I think her mindset is basically if she survived growing up with nothing, she can cope with nothing now. That includes food and heating. They also often eat only one meal a day to save money, and live off soup, toast and Spam. And wine. Each to their own and all, but it's just frustrating to see.

I hate the ageism on these threads.

My dad is in his late 80s. He isn't controlling or abusive and he wouldn't find that normal. My DH is only 5 years younger than your dad, and he wouldn't find that behaviour normal or acceptable either.

Abusive people can be found in all generations. Age is neither a reason nor an excuse.

All these threads today have made me very grateful for my parents (mid-70’s) and their roasting house! They would have grown up in cold houses and we didn’t have central heating until 1989, so they really appreciate a toasty house now.

I’m older than that and there’s absolutely no way it’s been ‘normalised’ for me, or for friends and siblings of similar ages. Nor was it, I might add, for my DPs, who were born in 1916 and 1918.

I do wish some MNers would stop making these sweeping generalisations about people of a different generation.

Get the app on your phone too - then you can run it when you like.

So what does your oh say OP? Can't he give them the money and say put the heating on?
With it being his parents and all that?

It's mad, isn't it? An equivalent might be somebody who grew up in poverty who gets successful and comfortably off, yet still prefers to live a spartan, wretched life, lacking any pleasant home comforts, because 'that's what they're used to'!

None of us on here over 30 grew up even knowing what the Internet was - but here we all are, still happily and gratefully benefiting from it now!

This is crazy. Why the hell is your MIL putting up with this controlling behaviour? It's been -7 here this week!!!

Option 1 - air b and b. Would be much easier nicer etc

Option 2 - DH confronts FIL about how controlling he is.

Option 3 - oil follows radiator and electric blanket.

My in-laws lived in Scotland, they kept the thermostat at 14. In the winter I'd always wear clothes under my pj's or I couldn't sleep. Single beds too so we couldn't even cuddle up to get warm.

ODFOD
That's really ageist and completely inaccurate.
I'm in that generation and honestly don't know any men my age like that.
My Dad's age yes, not mine
You need to remember that controlling abusive men can be any age.

Yes.

They sound a bit bonkers.

We're almost the same age and have a large house and the heating is on from 7am - 10pm at 22 C.

Our utility costs at the moment in colder weather are around £180 a month.
That includes gas and electric.