Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

[Meloney]

We're staying at the inlaws for a month because we're having some renovation work at home. FIL absolutely refuses to put the heating on. It's not yet winter according to him. MIL has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings. We asked FIL to put the heating on tonight because our bedroom is like an ice box, and he said no.

AIBU to give him some cash for the heating and ask to put it on? Do you think £100 is appropriate? We were going to give them some money (couple of hundred) for bills etc. when we leave (even though they keep insisting not to worry). I'm thinking offering some cash up front might help motivate him to put the heating on now.

For context, they're both 70, retired and financially comfortable, and live in a mortgage-free, 4 bedroom house in an affluent area of the SE. (What I'm saying is they're not hard up, so don't think it's unreasonable for them to have the heating on atm).

The poor MIL is probably just trotting out phrases her husband says about it being wasteful etc.

DH needs to tell his dad that if mum becomes I'll with any kind of cold or flu she may not recover at her age, and while the heatings not been an issue in the past it really needs to be on now it's minus temperatures outside.

If he still complains DH should be telling him that women feel the cold more than men so it's not fair to consider only himself. In fact it's selfish. So now he knows that about women he should get the heating on.

Failing that I'd be looking at the smart meter and saying you'll find to a B&B if he doesn't start being more considerate. Take a reading. Get a jar. Pay for the units used per day and perhaps when he sees it's only an extra tenner or whatever a day maybe he won't be so stingy.

He doesn't because he hasn't done anything bto change the situation they are in. So despite his partner coming on here saying should she give money and gettiIng advice to go in air b n bs etc. why doesn't DP sort the situation out. She's cold. Why is it up to OP to tackle her partner's dad when he's not bothered.
Why doesn't partner say right if it's that bad we will stay elsewhere cos this is what father is like.

then that's a him issue and nothing to do with his age.....go read the "who has the heating on at night" thread!

I think it might be a class thing. The middle class mums could afford not to work. Working class women have always worked.

My mum worked full-time back on the 80s. Even my Gran who'd be about 100 if still living worked part-time while her kids were little, and full-time once they were old enough to have a key!

He sounds like a stubborn arse

He sounds like a stubborn arse

Does your MIL want the heating on? I’m more worried about her than you TBH as this could be economic abuse.

Thanks for your thoughts

I'm very sympathetic to your situation, but that's a bit rude. 62 isn't massively old, and it's not old enough to be old skool in the way you describe, at all. It really just is your FIL, who sounds like an abusive arsehole.

@Meloney Sod causing a bloody 'scene' go to a hotel/airbnb ffs before you get poorly.

I bet their house is riddled with damp from never having heating on.

Absolutely , very patronising . However it’s probably not very nice realising that your dad is just a nasty , domineering bully rather than being able to say all 60+ men are like that .

What on earth is wrong with him? Your poor MIL, and you.

Did you offer the money? What happened?

Tbh, I wouldn't engage with this. I'd say to DH either the house is kept warm enough for us and our DC to be comfortable or I will go with the DC to a hotel or Air bnb tomorrow.

PILs tightness and pride does not supersede my children's basic needs for warmth.

It's not about age - it's about your parents.

Exactly. I'm 69 next month, my late husband would have been 70. We'd economise on many other things over not being comfortably warm in our own house, and we were equals in everything other than giving birth.

In this very cold weather our house is costing £15 a day to keep at around 17C. I think £400 for a month would be a generous estimate because other weeks this month have been less cold.

Sounds like causing a scene might do some good in the long run. Do it, and tell them why. He sounds like a man who relies on female reluctance to cause scenes - his wife, and everyone else.

Why would you pay a heating bill when there's been no heating?

Agree with this totally. It just didn't sit right with me at all.

AmbrosiusRex

You've resurrected a Zombie.........