Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

[Meloney]

We're staying at the inlaws for a month because we're having some renovation work at home. FIL absolutely refuses to put the heating on. It's not yet winter according to him. MIL has been sitting on the sofa in her coat with a blanket and hot water bottle, shivering, these past few evenings. We asked FIL to put the heating on tonight because our bedroom is like an ice box, and he said no.

AIBU to give him some cash for the heating and ask to put it on? Do you think £100 is appropriate? We were going to give them some money (couple of hundred) for bills etc. when we leave (even though they keep insisting not to worry). I'm thinking offering some cash up front might help motivate him to put the heating on now.

For context, they're both 70, retired and financially comfortable, and live in a mortgage-free, 4 bedroom house in an affluent area of the SE. (What I'm saying is they're not hard up, so don't think it's unreasonable for them to have the heating on atm).

He sounds horrid. How can he sit there watching his wife trying to keep warm for the sake of a few £££. If he’s like this with you there imagine what he’s like when no one else is around to see.

Oh your poor MIL! we've held off on putting the heating on for as long as possible but with the sudden temperature drop this week we've had no choice but to have it on now and again throughout the day, it's even kicked on during the night as the house has dropped below 13°

If he's really set on not having the heating on, Can you buy a heated throw for your MIL? You could also get a little heater for your room, let him have a nice little surprise of a higher electricity bill at the end of the month 🤣

It sounds like MIL has either given up trying to have an influence around the house or is saving face in front of you. FIL sounds like a nasty fucker watching his wife like that, and you, and happily sitting with his phone not changing it.

I'd go out and get more teddy blankets for your MIL and then find somewhere else to stay. This IS the winter and absolutely normal to want some heating on.

What a prick he is.

FIL is a control freak. It's not about the money, as they have the means. It's probably about media influences. Somehow, the older generation seem to be influenced by what they read, like if it's in print, it must be true. But also, with age comes the wisdom to care about the future of the planet, and limited resources. That combined with the media attention to it, can make older people take it to heart and extremes. The younger way is to balance environmental impact, and cost, with personal comfort ( or to not just give a f**k).
As in most situations the middle ground of balance is the best you can do, but he's on an extreme end of avoiding waste or sticking to a regime. He's probably a rules guy too, the rule being Sept-Nov is autumn. Means you have 1 more week of freezing, then it's happy days, go for it with heating.

Your husband needs to tell them that the heating goes on or you will have to find somewhere else to stay . On the plus side it’s supposed to be wet and warmer in the SE this weekend .

I'd be so embarrassed if family or friends felt cold in my house. I'm the one who actually loves a cool house, husband likes a cosy one. Even if he ran off to join the circus I'd crank the heating up for guests!

If you can afford it then it's tight and miserable.

You know, you can give him £4,000 yet he still won’t put it on?

It doesn't matter how much if a "scene" will happen if you move to an Air B n B that's what you heed to do as you know he won't put the heating on no matter how much money you offer him.

You could buy a portable gas heater, that way you can heat your room ir the sittingroom for your mil without any difference to fil's heating bill. We have one for my mil incase of power cuts.

What is it with men and having control over the heating like they own it. I hear this so often :-(

Husband doesn't feel the cold. We had words this week, he's out in the morning with mates the thermostat panel was reading 14c. So I photographed it and sent on all the family WhatsApp groups. My DIL photographed hers 17c and the log burner going, her mother photographed hers 19c.

He ran the heating the rest of the day. And has done since. I threatened him with a phone call to Age Concern citing elder abuse. I said it was too cold to do housework so I'd withdrawn to the office putting the electric heater on 30c.

He's also lighting the log burner at lunchtime now.

The government say 19c for retirement age people.

@Meloney find a way to shame him publicly.

Like the remote control TV 🙄

"How to Keep Warm in Winter | Age UK" https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/keep-well-this-winter/stay-healthy-in-winter/

Did they lose their hearing allowance this year thanks to Ms Reeves? It doesn't sound like they would be getting UC etc. Loss of £600 I think it is would make him worse l inagine. Get a little heater and hide it lol, sod freezing.

I don't understand how 70 year olds can sit there cold if they aren't skint. I'm 43, and don't have any medical conditions, but I've had my heating on whilst I'm sat at home since the end of September. I'm in the North and it's been really cold the last few days. My thermostat was 14 when I got home from work the other day. I'm happy to use blankets, but I'm not going to sit here and suffer.

Offer the money and if he refuses then leave. Stingy bastard.

I will never forget finding my 80 plus dm in bed around lunch time. She hadn't been putting the heating on. Turned out she had very bad pneumonia and was blue lighted to hospital. If I hadn't called that day she would probably have died. Things definitely had to change. It wasn't lack of finances in fact she had just been awarded AA. Older people are more susceptible to the cold.

I agree.

Agree

You're adults, they're adults. You can choose to be warm or freezing. Personally, I'd choose warm, and booking an Airbnb sounds a lot easier than arguing with FIL.

It is really freezing right now. You can't live in a place where the FIL says you can't have heating on. It's insane.

Tell him he’s at risk of damp and damaging his house which will cost a lot to fix.

Or they’ll start getting sick.

This. Please get hervan electric blanket that's horrible

I know people in their 80s who don't have central heating. That said, they have a gas fire and various electric heaters so I've never been cold there.

I'm slightly younger than the ILs but have a similar attitude to CH. I grew up without it and it has to be very cold for me to turn it on. At the moment I'm wearing normal day clothes (jeans, cashmere jumpers, t shirts, uggs). If I get cold I add a down gilet. If I'm still cold I add a full length fleece dressing gown or Oodie. If I'm still cold I might put the heating on.
At night, I actively prefer a cold room and keep my windows open all year round. I own a variety of throws, bedspreads duvets, and different weight pjs and mix and match them over the year to ensure that I'm always cosy even in sub zero temperatures.

I feel I'm winning at life if it's a cold day but the smart meter still indicates I've been frugal with fuel! If I can keep warm without turning the heat on I'd rather save the money to spend on fun things.

So I'm going to go against the grain here - if your ILs choose to live a certain way ( not dictated by budget restrictions) and it's not effecting their health I think it's rude bordering on arrogant to expect them to change to suit your preferences whilst they are giving you free bed and board.

Buy MIL one of those headed electric pads plus an oodie and thermal slipper socks.

Give your FIL money for heating