To not go on this holiday

[Ickityick]

Booked and paid for a winter break a long time ago.

Person I'm going with has been hugely irritating me the last few months with their general tightness and CFness.

We are sharing a room.

Should I go or write it off!

Can you get a separate room and avoid them?!

It would have to be super bad for me to cancel a holiday! I'd probably go but take my big old headphones and spend my days on a sun lounger with them clamped to my ears and read a book. I'd also be tempted to just do my own thing in the evenings and meal times if they are being tight about spending money on food or whatever. Does the friend know they are annoying you? Could you have a conversation about plans for what you'll do while you're there before you go?

I've already looked into that! It would be quite expensive (overseas and we booked a year ago when very cheap)!

Yes it is super bad! We haven't actually spoken in a few months now after one spectacular incident of CFness !!

If you don't go you are going to lose the money I assume? How about go, but don't make contact with them beforehand and hope they don't show up at the airport so you can have a nice holiday on your own.

Oh dear! Well is there any way you can find out if they are going - through a mutual friend or something? Sounds like a no go then unless you can go on your own!

Whose name is the hotel booking in? If it's yours go and just hope the CF doesn't join you!

Ditch out. Life is too short.

I always question ‘would I pay not to go?’

Booking is in my name, but they paid half.

I had to check us both in and send then their boarding pass recently so I'm sure they are planning on going. Plus they mentioned on Facebook recently they were looking forward to it.

I either go and grit my teeth and refuse to put up with CF behaviour at all or don't go!

How is she a CF? Will the opportunities be different since you’re away?

Is it financial?

Yes financial ( hates to pay for anything herself so usually comes out with a sob story when the bill comes or just says gaily Oh I thought you were treating me so i didnt bring nay money
) also likes to borrow things and never returns or if she does they are ruined ( this is what caused the issues a few months ago as it was something of mine that was new and she gave it back after having worn it every day and wrecked it)

When pulled up she starts again with sob stories so it can be easier to say forget it !

Rather than cancel the holiday, you might send her a message acknowledging that things haven't been great between you recently and checking that still wants to come. Then you could say something like : 'It is easy even for old friends to fall out over money, so lets have a clear agreement from the beginning that each of us will pay for ourselves, every time - no buying rounds or treats. We'll eat together if we can find a venue that suits both of us, but otherwise do our thing. Whatever happens, it will be lovely to get away and have a break.' And don't take any extra-special clothes or accessories with you in case she asks to borrow them; take the minimum and say Sorry you need everything you brought with you, so you can't lend anything out.

That is a very sensible.suggestion thank you!
I did actually do that quite some time ago, but CF behaviour didn't change at all!
I just wish I hadn't booked it now as the thought of spending so much time with her is filling me with dread !

I agree with soNiceToComeHomeTo. Try to clear the air and set firm boundaries before you meet up for this trip. Since you planned a holiday together, you must enjoy her company, so try to claim that back.

I wouldn’t go
Youve already paid so whether you go and have a miserable time or write it off and stay at home with no misery, it’s cost you the same

She sounds a right piece of work! But you can do this if you stay focused and head off any opportunity she might take to get you to pay. Ask the waiter for separate bills when they take your order, or only go to self service places where you have your own tray and pay before eating. If she can't pay her own bill, go back to the hotel leaving her to sort it out. If the two of you go out for a drink, go up to the bar and order a drink just for yourself, reminding her that that's what you agreed. If you are firm she'll have to give in and pay for herself or else go off in a huff - win win either way. I have a hunch that once she realises you are serious, she might feel quite embarrassed about being found out.

When are you due to go?

You can always vent here.... mn loves a CF thread <rubs hands>

I love a CF story too but not when it's me being taken for a mug !!!!!

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo's message is perfect. Definitely worth sending it and seeing how she responds.

If she doesn't respond positively, don't make the mistake of falling for the sunk cost fallacy. You have paid for the flight and hotel. That money is gone. Whether you go on the holiday or not, you won't be getting the money back so don't take that into account when deciding whether or not to go.

It's a question of whether the holiday could be enjoyable (either by CF friend sticking to the ground rules or by ignoring her and doing your own thing) or whether it would be awkward and unbearable.

Yes I have decided to message her at the weekend and without being confrontational say that her attitude towards never paying for herself has to change as I won't be.paying for her.

See what she says, last time totally agreed with me but then carried on regardless!!!

That's great that she agreed last time because it shows she knows at some level that this isn't on. To avoid a repeat performance, make sure you get in first and don't let anything happen that could end up with you paying for anything at all. Meals out will be a danger zone so make sure you say to the waiter before ordering that you need separate bills, and don't agree even to share a bottle of cheap wine with her because it could be the thin end of the wedge. You could turn it into a bit of a game and encourage her to laugh with you - Oho, Amelia, you're doing it again'.

Why not be the CF for a change? Let her pay for everything!

Or, if getting a second room is too expensive, could you send her her half of the money back instead and tell her not to bother coming? Have a relaxing solo trip?

It's the only way to deal with her! But for me it sucks the fun out of a break..
Last time we went away she didn't bring toothpaste, sun lotion or shampoo and conditioner etc and just used mine without mentioning it. I only realised when mine started to run out so quickly.

She genuinely is allergic to spending her own money if she can use someone else's!

Flipping heck, that is taking stinginess to extremes!
What do you like about her? She must be good company in some ways for you to go anywhere with her.