To not go on this holiday

[Ickityick]

Booked and paid for a winter break a long time ago.

Person I'm going with has been hugely irritating me the last few months with their general tightness and CFness.

We are sharing a room.

Should I go or write it off!

If she’s a CF, you can bet she’ll still be going and trying it on again. I would give it a miss and avoid all the stress.

She then rather reluctantly went and bought some but complained how expensive sun lotion was !

I mean, everything is expensive when you're used to it being free!

I would definitely still go, but turn it into a sort of CF game. Obviously you need to update your thread every step of the way for advice and support (and our entertainment)

I agree with locking away your stuff so she can’t use it. Be really firm with her. And report back! ☀️

I’d go but not spend any time with her. So I wouldn’t be eating meals with her, for example. Also don’t take any new or nice cloths and keep things you don’t want borrowed in your locked suitcase.

I wouldn't even think of going. If you had separate rooms and could completely avoid her it would be different but sharing a room with someone who is so awful isn't my idea of a holiday.

I think the reason she wants to go with you is because it'll work out cheaper than going with someone else. Let her go on her own and write it off.

I wouldn't have anything more to do with her and tell her exactly why

This break doesn’t sound like it will be beneficial to you, sadly. If you constantly have to enforce boundaries, lock things in your case etc, will you even have a chance to relax?

And a pp flagged that she may be able to charge items to the room, which you might be liable for as the main booker. I’d see if possible to cancel.

I wouldn't go I don't think. Just cant see how I"d enjoy a break constantly on edge that she'd 'forget' her purse when going out for dinner or whatever. I'd take the money that I would have spent (on myself, not on her!), and do something nice for a few days somewhere different, even if it's a bit low key and not what I originally wanted. Are you supposed to be sharing a hotel room? If so I definitely wouldn't go!

I used to have a friend a bit like this years ago, but at the time I earned a lot of money, and she was a good friend in other ways so I just sucked it up, even though I knew from her ex she had £50k tucked away in the bank! Now I wouldn't and couldn't do that.

It's almost like an illness with some people to find ways not to spend their own money

This. Absolutely no way would I be cancelling my holiday, but I wouldn’t be wringing my hands over restaurant bills and money because I wouldn’t be spending any time with her at all. I’d class the room as somewhere to dump your stuff (I agree a suitcase with a lock is a good idea), and somewhere to sleep, and that’s it. I’d send a message along the lines of ‘if you’re still planning on coming on the holiday, then please realise that despite sharing a room, we will otherwise be holidaying separately. None of my belongings are to be borrowed or taken, and I plan to spend every day alone, doing my own thing’. I probably wouldn’t even mention why, she knows why and it just gives her an opportunity to argue that she PROMISES to pay her way this time!

Having read your updates, my advice is...
Cancel the holiday, ditch the bitch, enjoy life.

I would still go but I'd message her like you're going to and tell her you'll not e subbing her and if that's an issue she can stay at home.

DO NOT GO. Especially as you already know she is an absolute tightwad CF. It will be the opposite of a holiday as you won't be able to relax.

I still get flashbacks from a terrible holiday if I smell lemon washing up liquid and that was thirty five years ago.

It was beyond dreadful, ended up with me splitting from my ex and him and his brother never speaking again.

I would go because I would hate to lose a holiday, but I would downgrade her to room mate status rather than friend.

For meals, people are funny, as if a bill splitting app would make any difference with this type of person. I would only eat with her in self service restaurants where each person pays at the till - make her go first so she doesn't try to make you pay, or if it's a restaurant she gives you her share up front or you won't eat with her.

Definitely have your own room. You’ll need it.
Despite the expense this will massively help you.

If you are the lead booker, can she still actually go if you decide not to ?

Good point!!! Sometimes hotels ask for a card per room to charge extras to. It has to be her card or you’ll have to refuse to hand one over which the hotel may not like, but they won’t chuck you out for it.

I'm really in two minds about whether I'd go or not. I'd be really annoyed at missing my own holiday but you just know that no matter what you say/email/text she'll rock up with 50 euros and.minimal stuff and still expect. Free ride.
Wasn't there a thread with an OP who was in Italy with a friend who basically did the same and was practically crying because she was hungry but had no money so the OP was paying. I can just see this CF doing something similar and it would be so hard to say no

To me it's the cost of the week...

Both:

Both how much you paid?

How much annual leave you'd lose to have to tolerate this nonsense?

PS I'd be more annoyed at using Annaul leave... Unless the holiday cost 3k!

If it were a cheap holiday - I'd just cancel.

Why didn'you cancel the holiday then? I don't understand how you could even think it would be a good idea after 2 weeks of NC, let alone months.
Cancel!

Poor you, this is a crappy situation.
I'd maybe message to ask if she's still planning on going and ask how much spending money she's allocated.
Depending on what she replies, you could respond that you're considering not going given that you don't feel like an equal to her, more her subsidiser, and it makes holidays with her much less fun.

It doesn't matter if we cancel or not now as the holiday is paid for and non refundable!

I'm in 2 minds, go and completely do my own thing making it very clear I am not paying for anything for her, lending her anything or letting her use anything of mine.

Or stay home and have a nice relaxing break !

The sun is appealing, constantly watching for CF freeloading not so much !

The cost of booking another room now would be more than the original holiday cost !

What was the CF thing she did that led to you not speaking to her ?

Honestly OP, result is likely the same whatever you do.

Don’t go = CFer hates you and you hate her anyway. Oh well.
Do go = likely a huge row but abroad and stuck in a room so end up hating each other.

Small chance I guess that if you go you work things out… and end up liking her again.

In your place, I’d probably stay home.

It’s somewhere in thread.

If you go ask about another room when you get there, if they aren't full they'd rather have it full than sitting empty.

Pay for your own, if she hasn't got money that's her problem. Ask for separate bills before you order food.