To not go on this holiday

[Ickityick]

Booked and paid for a winter break a long time ago.

Person I'm going with has been hugely irritating me the last few months with their general tightness and CFness.

We are sharing a room.

Should I go or write it off!

Surely you will spend all holiday on high alert.
I really sympathise with you, but it shouldn't be this hard.You will be looking for examples of her bad behaviour.
I would definitely not go.The money has gone now.
Sorry but I don't see the point any more.It will be so stressful for you, not the relaxing holiday that you deserve.
I couldn't bear to be with her for 10 mins never mind 10 days or whatever.
I hope you can sort it out one way or the other

Good for you, you have got this, enjoy your holiday and in the words of Edna Mode in the film incredibles. Go, win and come back and tell us all about it!

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in . I am glad that you have decided to go anyway , as otherwise she wins by gaining the room to herself .

I would look at as you have suggested checking the lock on your case and look at perhaps a few other travel padlocks so you can lock up all your other belongings . If I were you I would leave absolutely everything you can in your suitcase and if you e.g got some duty free ( and let's face it you will probably need it if you are not teetotal... ) I would also perhaps take a few folding bags with zips that can also be locked with the travel padlocks .
Is the place / resort you are staying in reasonable to eat out / go for drinks . If so I would just as you have thought do everything on your own . I assume as it is a package holiday that you will get transfers to / from the airport so won't need to pay taxis etc for that .
I would not sit beside her , let her go first and sit elsewhere .

I wouldn't really entertain trying to share any costs with her e.g trips . I would just go solo , organised group excursion . It won't cost you any more money - as she is unlikely to pay her share .
I would also discretely speak to the reception staff and explain the situation and that under no circumstances is anything to be charged to the room . If they insist on a card being registered to the room , ask to use hers or even 2 cards ? I would ask for a full itemised bill and take a note of anything you have charged. Probably better if you insist on paying for your outlays as you go along and get itemised receipts .

She sounds extremely hard work and very thick skinned . I hope there are communal areas / lounges in the hotel that you can use and simply use the room for sleeping etc .
Good luck

Buckle up vipers…

Thanks everyone.

I have sent her a list of 7 specific examples of where she has recently conned me out of money and possessions, I have said I won't be paying for her away and she needs to bring enough money to cover her own expenses and enough toiletries etc.

I have also made it clear I will be doing my own thing abroad.

Can't do more to manage expectations! and I am absolutely not falling for any sob stories this time.!

Blimey, I do NOT envy you having to share a room! You are likely to have an almighty blow up at each other - you to her because she will continue to be an ECF.

Take many locks OP!

She didn't apologise

I wonder if someone else could go instead of her, as lead passenger I’d knock her off and replace her with someone who can pay her what it cost her and the change of name on the ticket and just tell her in the circumstances you’ve cancelled her place and give her what she paid. Harsh I know but least you’ll have a good time

You're brave OP!!

She did. She just has a different POV from OP.

What were the 7 examples? Decent things or petty?

Is it just me who finds it really strange that at one point you were close enough to book a holiday abroad with her and now you’re communicating via email?
This is going to be the most awkward trip ever, I honestly wouldn’t bother going.

If you think that was an apology I have no idea what to say to you it was the biggest non apology ever. She's sorry she feels that way - is not an apology

For me they were not petty and I think the last 6 months has been cumulative so now I just can't bear it and notice it more.

Going out for dinner 3 times, twice pleaded absolute poverty and the third time gave a sob story so didn't pay on any of those occasions, then not long after bought expensive concert ticket, wanted to go out for cocktails and then after I bought the first round refused to go to the bar and we sat there with empty glasses until I had to go again, angry at myself for not calling her out there and then.

Invites herself to mine, then eats all my food, drinks all my wine and leaves a right mess behind, have stopped saying yes to this now.

The rest are borrowing/taking my things , not returning, and never remembering to pay me back for her share of taxis/takeaways etc or thanking me for treating her when we were supposed to be going halves.

Gets quite arsy when asked for money back so its always awkward getting her to pay back, as I have to ask several times etc and she will tell me how tight things are etc.

I could go on, but you get the gist of it.

Yes It is odd, and thats on me as I have got progressively more irritated this year at what I see as being treated like an idiot, I'm also cross with myself for allowing it to continue for so long

Um, ok?

My point really was that her friend has a different POV to OP.

OP- do you think she will actually go if she realises that you she will have to pay for herself (and bring her own toiletries etc)? If you think there's a chance she might not turn up at the airport/pull our last minute I'd recommend that you contact whoever you booked with to check whether there's anything you need to do to be able to travel without her. A few years ago I tried to take one of our party off a flight quite close to the time (she ended up working closer to another airport that week, so it would have made sense for her to travel alone and meet us there). I was told that we'd basically all have to cancel or all go and that if she just didn't show for the flight we 'may' not be allowed to travel as we were on one booking. I'm not sure what the issue was, or if perhaps the fact that she wanted to come back with us made a difference, as she agreed in the end that we'd just stick to the original plan.

Please please please make absolutely sure she can’t charge anything to the room. She will completely fuck you over if she can.

The only apology I’d accept would include full reimbursement tbh.

After this trip, just drop her.

My point really was that her friend has a different POV to OP.

@Anotherworrier Yes, a "how much can I get away with not paying" point of view.

A "sorry you feel this way" is not an apology in any shape or form, and if you think it is then you are either a CF or you have very low boundaries.

No you quite pointedly said she had apologised, when she has in fact not. Yes she has a different pov as she doesn't feel her cf behaviour should be ppinted out. But regardless it was not an apology

Forgot this one in the summer...

She was at mine, asked to borrow some headphones, whilst I went to look for an old spare pair for her she noticed a brand new boxed set in my open handbag and said I will use these.

Got them back off her sharpish , reminds me I've never had the other pair back off her!

Get her out of your life full stop.
Bin the holiday and never set eyes on her again.

Go on the holiday, the money is spent anyway, you’ve told her how you feel and that you won’t be subsidising her trip (well done btw!) do your own thing and don’t buy her F all…..

and enjoy it knowing that you won’t be spending a penny on her.

i say this having been on many trips with people (some who have no money but make an effort to pay) and sometimes go to very expensive restaurants/bars but knowing this I’ll happily pay the bill because I value their company/friendship so they make it up in that way.

She just happened to need to borrow some headphones the day you’d bought new ones? I bet she saw them and wanted them and that’s why she asked in the first place.