To not go on this holiday

[Ickityick]

Booked and paid for a winter break a long time ago.

Person I'm going with has been hugely irritating me the last few months with their general tightness and CFness.

We are sharing a room.

Should I go or write it off!

"Alternatively you could suggest a pre holiday meal and if she tries to get you to pay for her drinks/meal, just tell her that she is obviously going to expect you to pay for her while you're away so the holiday won't be happening."

Definitely do this OP.
Otherwise it will be a battle over every little thing over the holiday.
(Really I would cut my losses and just not go.)

I am going to go and do my own thing, I will take headphones and only enough toiletries sun screen etc for myself and absolutely not lending or paying for her share for anything

@Ickityick
I still think it will be such hassle, strife, either having to watch like a hawk over every single thing and argue about it, or giving up on some things and then seething about her getting one on you again.

@Ickityick
Actually if you did go I would be really really really direct about all this - "brazen" she (the CF non friend) may call it.
Like call her out on it, from the start and every each time, in advance and post hoc.

First your initial message should be really explicit and quote all the things she's done and she might do. You should tell her all that to her face when you see her at the start as well.

Then - ideally not go for meals with her at all. But if you have to, before heading off for each meal re-state that you will only be paying for yourself and not subsidising her. And then say it again when you sit down and tell the waiter separate bills at the start of the meal.

When you get to the room tell her clearly she's not to use your toiletries and that you're locking them up.
Etc etc.

Because this CF shamelessness thrives because people don't want to make things awkward and hence don't say anything.

Instead the CFs should be shamed out loudly and things brought into the light.

....you can see why I think it's worth forgoing the cost to date and just not going...

I have decided not to go for any meals with her !

I will completely do my own thing !

If it’s a package holiday, I’d cancel wven if it meant losing money. Sharing a room but going separate ways would just be too awkward and stressful for me. I wouldn’t want to be getting showered etc with them in the room. How would you even work out a rota. If there’s bad feeling there won’t be much consideration when coming back to the room late at night. That doesn’t sound like a holiday so it would probably be a waste of money.

If you’ve booked the accommodation and your flights separately then definitely go but to a different hotel. Maybe with someone else but even if you go alone it will be a much happier experience than going with someone you don’t get on with and just don’t like anymore.

Ah. So she doesn't get it, that you buy your own stuff. Tricky! You shouldn't have to teach a grown adult how to behave. But people can learn. Sounds as if you're going to have to spell it all out to her, re this and the money, if you two are going to get along on this trip.

She sounds awful. But if you've been away with her before, you must have known this when you agreed to go on holiday with her a second time?!

If you want to pull out of the holiday then pull out rather than go on a holiday you'll hate. It will obviously be the end of your friendship, but it sounds like that's what you want anyway, as you dislike her and find her behaviour really difficult to deal with.

Watch out for her dragging you into some sort of meals anyway...
Like oh will we just grab a coffee...
Or go down for breakfast...etc.

Awkward every time - that's why I'd spell it all out at the start to her.
In this case including telling her that you won't go for meals with her because she's taken advantage of you in the past.

Sorry @Ickityick it looks like I'm getting so invested in this ... I just hate seeing people get taken advantage of.

Its a good point, after the last holiday last year I swore never again, then I got some sob stories and felt sorry for her and in a weak moment agreed to a bargain winter break. Kicking myself now!

I have bought up the constant freeloading before and I found that quite hard but it hasn't made a difference , so yes friendship for me is over as I don't want to constantly be on guard and waiting for the next CF incident !

However I think I can do this holiday doing my own thing , and then NC when I am back

If you make sure to tell her your intention of holidaying solo but still sharing the room, hopefully she’ll choose not to go. Win!

@Ickityick When you get to the hotel and settled in, go and sort out the Room safe (sometimes pay deposit for key or whatever)

I’m not joking! You can lock away your stuff.
just do it discreetly. Don’t make a point

Could you also suggest a budget, say to her "I'm bringing £500 for spending money, that's my absolute limit"
Which does two things, suggests a budget for her to bring which she may or may not have/want to spend, in which case you get the holiday on your own, and two, sets another boundary that she will definitely have to pay for herself.

I have to agree with this - Good lord you can get super cheap suncream and toiletries at the supermarkets abroad. How much money is it ? If you cancel now will you get anything back ? I would be suggesting take the hit on money

I'm actually going to work out how the lock works on my case and keep it locked!

See you at the airport. As I have paid for the trip I would appreciate you paying for some of our excursions. I have budgeted for what I need spending wise, suggest you do the same as I will not be taking any extra and won't be able to help you out if you run short.

P.S. Don't forget your toiletries, I'm only taking enough for myself

If it wasn't for having to pay to change names I'd wonder if her nefarious plot was to make it shit so you'd cancel, she'd then offer your place to someone for free... as long as they paid for everything else!! 😆

Good for you OP! Enjoy yourself!

Take all the advice about not eating with her and protecting your stuff.
You could find a word she really doesn't like if you have any problems. Eg "Don't be a freeloader" or "Don't be a scavenger". As others have said this behaviour relies on people being polite and not calling it out. She won't like hearing it stated openly.

Find your own inner CF ness and stand up for yourself.
. Look.... I'm only paying for what I've consumed. This is your portion to pay.
No you can't borrow.. No I won't lend.
No.
She's CF because you let me.

If you do get caught eating with her ask for separate bills from waiter when you order

'Yes financial ( hates to pay for anything herself so usually comes out with a sob story when the bill comes or just says gaily Oh I thought you were treating me so i didnt bring nay money
) also likes to borrow things and never returns or if she does they are ruined ( this is what caused the issues a few months ago as it was something of mine that was new and she gave it back after having worn it every day and wrecked it)'

Is her name on the room? If not surely you could give her what she paid for the hotel back and tell the hotel it's only you that is using the room - she won't be able to do anything if her name is nowhere near the booking! Sorry if I've missed this info somewhere, I did scan but couldn't see it.

Hi, it's a package so flight and hotel, although I'm the lead passenger both our names are on the booking.
I've checked us both in. Apart from sharing a room at night I don't plan to spend much time at all with her. Meals are a no no and I will be quite happy with a good book somewhere !

I’d pack a pot noodle too, so if she gives you a sob story about not. Wing able to eat you can say “I knew you’d do this, so I brought this!” After previous experiences id only have agreed to all inclusive.

Another option is asking her to give you £150 or something upfront so you know she can cover basic food.