BiL explicit texts - WWYD

[Calmondeck]

I’m having a ‘did that just happen’ moment… have not disclosed this to my DP yet

Received a text from BiL asking for a chat. This is extremely unprecedented, we send the rare occasional birthday text or family photo.

I called worried something was wrong (DP is overseas on a work trip). BiL didn’t accept the call and asked if we could text instead.

He rapidly disclosed a hidden obsession with male on male oral sex and suddenly started sending me explicit images of random men, complete with commentary about what he’d do with them. His texting went on for 1.5 hrs.

I woke up today vaguely wondering whether it was a scam, but feeling certain it wasn’t.

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

My mind is spinning. Any advice?

WTF? I’d show it all to your DP and cut contacts with him.
tell his wife ? Up to you.

Definitely tell your husband or partner. Then decide together what to do about his wife. Block bil on phone and all sm platforms

This is so bizarre - I'd absolutely be telling DP and showing him the messages.

Take screenshots in case he can clear from his side.

If someone else got his phone and did it or if it was him I'd let my DP get to the bottom of that and assuming it wasn't a "scam" I'd be blocking and going NC.

It's unacceptable in my book and then to ask you to lie by omission to dp and sil also shows his poor character.
I'd expect him to try and do this again if he thinks you are a "safe space" and potentially to escalate.

Well yes, ring him obviously.

Sounds like someone has stolen his phone or something.

What a disgusting pervert. No way I'd be keeping his secret, he's probably getting off on the fact that he's forced this conversation onto you in the first place and now thinks he can coerce you to keep quiet.

I'd text him once to tell him what he sent wasn't OK and that he's not to text you again. Then I'd get straight on to your DP, tell him everything and send him the screenshots of the entire thing. This wasn't your doing, don't cover for him and don't give him the opportunity to twist the narrative with your DP at a later date.

Of course you tell your DP. Not your place to tell his wife.

That's best case scenario. I'd ring his phone from a different number if possible. No need to engage with him, just check if it's his voice who answers.
It's really weird.

I wouldn't have let that go on for 1.5 hours.

Screenshot, block, talk to DP.

Seems odd. Possibly one of his mates took the phone as a prank?

"Mates" pulling a prank? Or stolen phone? Is what I'd assume, knowing nothing else about him

How would a thief know her DPs's name and BIL's wife's name?

He's not likely to have stored OPs name in his phone as 'Calmondeck, - partner of brother Dave'.

Yes indeed, I’m still feeling WTF. There was too much personal info within the texts for it to be a scam. My DP doesn’t return from o/s for a few days so I want to think about how to approach it. I was particularly worried about his wife but he said she already knew he’d had these fantasies/acted upon them in the past before they got together, so she thinks it’s a thing of the past/something from his 20s. He was grappling in the texts with his current identity as a family man, but a renewed desire to have gay oral sex “maybe 4 times a year” to satiate this desire. It was a complete stream of consciousness from him where he didn’t seem to require my input or feedback.

It's likely he's told you these things because telling you is a turn in for him.

He is either a filthy pervert, on drugs or having some kind of medical episode

urrgh, I would block, tell DH and never speak to him again

This is so bizarre that I'd be questioning if he needs some urgent help with his mental health. Possibly.

Agree with others to tell your husband but not his wife at this point. That's probably what I'd do.

I would be bloody furious if my BIL (or anyone for that matter) was sending me pornographic pictures and bombarding me with his sexual fantasies for 1.5 hours. That is all sorts of wrong - if his wife knows about it, why doesn't he want you to say anything?

I suspect because it's giving him a thrill telling you OP, that's why.

Did you respond at all during this exchange?

This really isn't the sort of thing that typically happens when someone's phone gets stolen!

That is so weird!

It sounds like you have known him for several years. What has your relationship been like previously? Have you ever felt uncomfortable around him? Does he have form for pushing other people's boundaries?

How I handled it would depend on how I felt about the above.

This is quite extreme and does have the characteristics of a practical joke. I agree with PP's suggestion to call BiL on a different phone and start by asking if he sent you multiple texts yesterday.

He was getting off on talking to you about this. I'd tell my partner asap.

I think I would’ve blocked before 1.5hours had passed. And then I would tell DH over the phone if possible.

But also agree that you need to talk to your DP asap about this. Don't sit on this for several days because it could appear to others that you were complicit, even passively.

Bit outing if anyone I know is here but my phone was stolen at a festival - I was a teacher and a lot of students had messaged saying they were worried about exam results - the people who stole it sent messages as though they were me, saying I thought they'd fail and they were the stupidest in the class. Another friend was having an affair with a married man (clear from past messages) and "I" wrote to her saying I was going to tell the man's wife and that I thought she was a slut, etc.

My students believed me next time I saw them and thought it was funny (they all compared messages) but my friend never really believed me.

It was in the days where you had to pay for messages and they used every last penny!