To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

[NightFeeds]

That’s it really. Life feels like it is ruled by DH needing 9 hours sleep a night to function. No time for downtime after DC bedtime as it’s then his bedtime. Any disturbances and he’s ruined for days. I can’t compute but realise I’m probably being horrible and this is just a normal need I need to be more respectful of. I’d like to know what is considered normal by others

Quite normal.

No that is not normal and he should talk to his GP ad it could be a sign of an underlying illness.

I'm in bed by 9, up around 6 30. I struggle with less

I need at least 9 hours! Can really feel the difference if I've had less than this.

I think I need 9 to feel optimum.
It’s really not that weird, the 8 hours of sleep thing is a simplification and it’s a range.

Wow I would love to sleep 9 hours but through insomnia and kids and life I never get more than 6!

He could have sleep apnea and not getting restful sleep so waking up tired. Think 8 is the recommended amount and getting that regularly should mean no extra tiredness. I do like to get an odd longer one but can easily manage on 8. Is his work very physical? Is he going upstairs and just going on his phone? Is he getting up easily in the morning or dragging it out to the last minute?
What about weekends?

I'm like this - I really wish I wasn't and will often push it, but I'm wasted the next day, and after a couple of days I get migraines and UTIs... It's not like, 'Ooh, I need a strong coffee', it's like a physical and psychological wasteland.

Turns out I have an autoimmune disease, don't know if it's connected to that.

I need at least that or I really struggle to do anything. I also have an auto immune condition so sometimes need a lot more

I function on a lot less than that, but everyone is different. If he says that he needs 9 hours, is there a reason why you wouldn't respect that? As long as he is pulling his weight when he is actually awake, then what's the issue?

Obviously, it would be different if you have young kids who wake up a lot at night... you shouldn't have to deal with all of that while he has his 9 hours uninterrupted sleep, of course. But if it's simply the case that he wants to fall into bed as soon as the kids are asleep instead of watching TV or whatever with you, I don't think that's bad. You can find ways of winding down on your own instead.

Before kids I always slept 8-9 hours and would have told you I can't cope on less. Surprise surprise when you have no option, you manage just fine. He needs to sort himself out, that's a shit relationship if he goes to bed at the same time as the kids and you have no time together.

Snap!

I need 9-10 hours.

7 or 8 and I'm not great but I function!

8 hours is an average at best. 9 is within the range of normal. I'm a long sleeper, always have been.

It's also a pretty shit relationship if everything revolves around the OP's needs at the expense of her DH's wellbeing.

But surely this isn't a new thing? Was he like this when you were dating?

Or has it appeared since having the children?

How does anyone who needs 9 hours sleep have a social life? Surely that means you can’t go out for dinner or drinks with friends ever, unless you have no kids and can lie in the next day?

I get between 6.5 and 7 hours most nights, which isn’t really enough but I can’t deal with going to bed at the same time as my DS.

He wouldn't be taking himself off to bed if he wasn't tired would he?

Do you think he's lying about it or something? Why would he?

Everyone is different.

What time is he in bed? 10-7 for example us different to 8.30-5.30

I feel like shit if I sleep for 9 hours, makes me feel shattered, groggy and nauseous. Six is optimal for me, but everyone is different and we all have different amounts. If nine works for him that's what he needs.

Is this new?

If so, worth getting checked out.

If not, I think it’s good that he recognises how much sleep he needs and is able to listen to his body.

Except it seems it's revolving around him and his needs

NHS says it's completely normal. If that's what his body needs, why would you want him to feel ill and stressed every day through lack of sleep?

"A healthy adult usually needs around 7 to 9 hours of sleep. However, age, health and personal circumstances affect how much sleep we need, plus some people naturally sleep more than others."

I don’t think 9 hours is unreasonable (that’s my ideal but not always doable with a job and/or kids). Nor do I see why it means you get no evening together. How old are your kids? Mine went to bed at 7 when tiny (oldest one closer to 8 at age 5 now). If he has to be up at 7, that means bed at 10 so still 2/3 hours before he has to go to bed?