To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

[NightFeeds]

That’s it really. Life feels like it is ruled by DH needing 9 hours sleep a night to function. No time for downtime after DC bedtime as it’s then his bedtime. Any disturbances and he’s ruined for days. I can’t compute but realise I’m probably being horrible and this is just a normal need I need to be more respectful of. I’d like to know what is considered normal by others

That sounds a Lot! I vary in sleep but probably average about 6.5 to 7 hours a night.
If I get too exhausted I catnap during the evening to catch up.

He does not like it if I come to bed later than him as it disturbs him Yeah, well that’s tough for him. He doesn’t get to dictate your bedtime as well as his own. Let him go to bed and you stay up and do your own thing.

I feel good on 8 hours, I can cope with a bit less but feel guff. Less than 6 5 hours and I know I'm heading for a migraine.

Maybe he has an underlying issue? My OH has sleep apnea and would wake up feeling completely unrefreshed.

I usually get 10-6.30am when the alarm goes off. Some nights I am just whacked and take myself to bed at 9pm and I feel so much better for it.
My body likes to wake up naturally and I feel sick if I have too many alarm mornings. Going to bed early let's my body wake up at e.g. 6am of its own accord when it's ready and I feel like a different human.

I can function being woken by an alarm but feel like I need caffeine then extra carbs to give me energy in the morning and it's a downward spiral.

I sympathise with you on this. My DH will be a ray of sunshine, we’ll have tea and then just be like “right, I’m off to bed” and that’s that. Which leaves you feeling a bit like you can’t enjoy your downtime and if you do stay up, there’s the detriment of all the fluff that comes along with disturbing them slightly when you do slip in to bed a hour later.

I'm not sure if you’re like me - I’m a massive morning person, I get up at 5, I’m on my feet all day and I like to have a bit of time when home, after the kids are sorted to just sit, chat and unwind. Sounds like you are though.

We just get round it by letting go a bit on a weekend, but then again, the morning is a bit wasted when he has to sleep in and I just can’t, so I get up whilst everyone else is asleep (kids older), go for a run, have a shower, get back and no one even knows I’ve gone. Think it’s a bit of compromise, but I’ll agree, when you’ve come from that background of a lie in being 7am, it’s bloody frustrating!!

I need 6 hrs. Insomniac twins, who only slept through the night at 3.5 years, left me needing very little sleep to function- a great asset now I have four grandsons under 6. Their parents are grateful when we have them or stay at their houses.

I’m often in bed by 8:30 but not sleeping. I watch TV then Read and turn the light out at 10ish but I get up quite early and I work. I hate having family to stay because - like normal people - they want to stay up till 10:30/11 pm and I feel like I have to babysit them. quite often, I have to just leave them downstairs watching TV on their own. I love my eight hours a night. Most of my friends are in bed at 8:30 as well - love it!

How do people get 9 hours?!! At work for 7.30 alarm goes off at 5.30’as husband leaves at six. What kind of work are you doing that you can get 9 hours ? Not a rant just curious

What time do you go to bed? And what job do you do that makes you able to make that possible?

This. He can't have it both ways. He needs to accept your sleep needs as much as you respect his. No way would I be wasting time trying to occupy myself in bed with a good two.hours before I felt tired.

Utterly selfish and pathetic. He needs to grow up. Perhaps he wouldn’t be so tired if he did something rather than work and sleep. It would be a cold day in hell before someone told me when to go to bed; he isn’t your parent OP. 9 would be my ideal amount of sleep but I can’t fit it in life so I don’t get it and nothing awful happens. He is completely prioritising himself over you as an individual and you two as a couple and I’m outraged for you.

So I'm guessing most people on here don't wake up any later than 7am (most likely earlier with kids).
So that would mean if you need 9 hours, you're asleep by 10. So you're probably getting ready for bed around 9:30, unless you read or whatever.

I probably need 9 hours, but in reality I get more like 6-7, because as soon as my DD is in bed, I want some time to myself and would rather have as much of my evening as possible before going to sleep and facing work again the next day.

Also if I went to sleep at 9pm, I'd get literally fuck all else done.

9 hours is something I could only dream off, if I slept long enough to dream :)

Me and DH have widely differing sleep needs, hes away to bed by 10, gets up at 7 on a work day, may still be there at 11 on a non work day, and I survive on between 3 and 5 hours. I usually hit the nest between 1 and 2 am and get up at 5:30 five days a week, and weekends I will naturally awake around 6

Its the one thing we argue about, me not sleeping. If I go to bed at 10 with him, Im awake - and I mean wide awake at 4am and thats when I do feel like shite

We work in us time, we are both home from work early. We have lots of time to be together and share. He gets his time whilst Im cooking ( hes never been able to cook ) I get my time when hes in bed The only time his need for sleep annoys me, is on holiday. I do like a party, he likes bed. Beach holidays, Im away for an early morning swim, a walk around the resort, back for coffee and a book on the balcony. Winter weekend breaks, I take my crochet and books to while away the mornings

If you’ve been fortunate to always have the opportunity to have 9 hours sleep then I guess you get used to it. I struggle to believe a grown adult can’t get by on less though!
My normal is 6 and that’s because for many years I’ve had to work long hours and I’ve adapted. Personably I think demanding 9 is a bit indulgent.

Work and sleep. Repeat.
Even just thinking about it makes me feel all sorts of existential doom.

You'll get a variety of answers because different people need different amounts of sleep to function. I am personally a 9 hour person. So I understand your dh.

I don't think anyone can say what's normal these days as everyone's circumstances are different. I don't think it's right to assume that what's going on in someone else's life is acceptable or not - the situation is only affecting the OP and her partner and that's down to not communicating properly about needs, wants, expectations and both being committed to each other's happiness and that of their 3 year old.

Does he help with chores and your little one or does he come home, tea on the table and then go to bed? What are weekends like - better when the work pressure is off and you can both enjoy chilling out together?

The going to bed at the same time so he doesn't get disturbed is questionable but lots of couples go to bed at the same time, others don't. What was he like when your little one didn't sleep through - did he help out or is he one of those partners/fathers that leaves you to it?

God I am happy with 5hrs, and never solid. I do like an afternoon nap on the weekend, but no lie in for me. 9hrs seems excessive, and I can understand why you want to spend some quality time with him. Maybe he can compromise, couple of evenings he goes to bed a bit earlier.

9 hrs sleep is as normal as 7 or 8. Different people have different sleep needs.
i certainly feel different (not in a good way) when i sleep less than 8.5-9 hrs

But he is quite happy to dictate to his dw that she goes to bed at the same time so he doesn’t get disturbed if she were to come to bed later.

No reading in bed as the light from her phone disturbs him, so she has to lie in silence next to him

and

All night time wakings by dc are dealt with by his dw because he needs his 9hours of undisturbed sleep

Why does his need for sleep trump her need for a relax in front of the tv?

Why does his need for sleep trump her need for undisturbed sleep?

As someone who at 1am this morning was trying to get on top of the washing pile after a 13 hour shift and who needs to be at work at 7am for another long shift.

3.5 hours sleep is all I will get today.

As I am in a public facing role I will psych myself up to be happy and smiley and no one will know I am dropping on my feet because I will put my tiredness to one side and deal with it tonight
I am an adult. It’s what you do

You definitely should not have your evenings dictated by him and he should be pulling his weight in terms of kids/house.

But as long as him going to bed early isn't impacting I'd say it's fine.

It is hard though, my dh has a lay in every Sunday he gets annoyed if we plan to go out before 11 am as he likes a full English but he also likes to be home by 3pm to start cooking tea. So we can never have a full day out anywhere. (I work Saturday) it's the restrictions it brings to your life.

@autienotnoughty

that must be so annoying for you - Every one of your Sundays being dictated around food

Bertielong
I love the idea of being "morally awake"
😍
I know it was a misprint but I still love it
I'm morally asleep owing to needing 8 hours and only ever getting 6 - 🤪🤪

Absolutely agree!

I am in bed by 8pm. Get up at 6.45. Work Full time running a construction site. I am 64, 17 in my head. My dh goes to the other side of our house to watch TV so not to disturb me. He's in bed by 9 as he's a builder. You work together and do what you have to do. No love is lost in our house.