Social services HELP - any social workers out there please

[Hellothere1982]

Partner and I in total shock - partner was feeling very down and told GP he had been feeling suicidal one night (first time this has ever happened and he was just down - nowhere near doing anything stupid) and the next thing we know is because he has a shot gun licence social services have had to be called. Apparently this is standard practice. We have two children never any issues and I am currently 7 months pregnant - adore being parents and do everything for our kids. Social services called and a day later said case was closed however the mental damage has been done to us as parents and we are panicking. My midwife also got in touch today about this matter and asked to chat!!!! Any social workers who can answer - Will they contact their schools? Is this a red mark? If the case was closed why is my midwife in touch - shouldn’t this be the end of it now? The children aren’t involved in any way and we are devastated and scared. You hear such horror stories about social services this has really terrified us as parents - thanks so much to anyone who can help x

Stop panicking, they've closed the case so there won't be any sort of repercussions. I've had SS involved for a brief time (no fault of my own) and they were lovely and had the case wrapped up within a few weeks. I don't even give it any thought.

To be honest it sounds like they are all acting amazingly and checking in to safeguard everyone, please see it as a positive.

Thanks so much I just can’t get this out of my mind and terrified - doesn’t help being heavily pregnant x

Does he keep a gun in the house? Maybe get rid of it
They were following procedure

Yes - they were taken away as a precaution

I actually find the linked up care very reassuring considering the number of fathers who kill their dc then themselves. He’s not just “a bit down” he’s suicidal and you are minimising. Can the gun/s be put somewhere he can’t access while he’s getting help for his mh?

Cross post re guns. Don’t be terrified. Take the advice/support offered and support your family through this.

Procedure. SS has LOTS to do. If you are feeding your children, they have a bed, clothes, toys, showered once in a while = not neglected, not emotionally or physically abused then you have nothing to worry about. Too many children have to stay in horrible home situations because there are not enough placements available so believe me SS is not on a recruitment mission to take children away from their parents unless they are in immediate danger. I hope your partner has a safe for his gun. I would not like to have a gun in my house, especially not with a partner with mh problems.

I agree the care is amazing however even the doctor agrees this was just an episode of depression due to all the pressures we have. The guns were taken away

Sorry OP, that must have been deeply upsetting. Do you have family or a support network in place to help you through the next few days? It may remain a shock to the system for some time.

Stop minimising your partners emotions or feelings but also stop panicking about social services, that bit is finished but the bit about how to support the family with a parent who is extremely depressed isnt over and needs ongoing work.

When I was very low my GP did his best to ensure I didn't have hordes of pills at home.
If I'd have had a gun, getting someone to get it away from me would absolutely be the right thing.
Depressed people can act impulsively.

To have a shot gun licence all guns must be in a safe so yes they were never out of the safe and have been taken away

Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in men under 50. Your GP acted exactly as they should given that your DH has access to guns. You may think 'it was just an episode of depression' but 'just an episode of depression' can be enough to trigger someone to take their own life. SS are not going to do anything but surely the safety of your DH (and your children) is paramount?

Yes

Of course the safety of my DH and children is paramount. The has never come into question. But social services being called seems excessive especially as guns were taken away immediately . So many people have mental health issues or episodes - over 30% I would say of my friends however I would now be terrified to tell a GP if I had mental health problems if I had children

Why are you so scared of social workers? They have told you they are closing the referral: what on earth are you scared of now? Your DH was suicidal with guns in the house, everyone acted exactly as they should. I'm sure it was upsetting, mostly that your DH was feeling so low, and to trigger a whole set of authorities getting involved must have been scary but it's finished now, what are you scared of? Social workers are professionals, not the bogeyman.

Be grateful they acted.
No DC involved, BiL regularly approved for shotgun licence despite being bipolar & frequently suicidal over many years.
BiL shot himself in the head with shotgun.
Makes a total nonsense of the gun licencing system involving police & GP checks - what's the point?

Maybe best to simply say you're down/depressed if that's what you are, rather than stating you're suicidal if you're not suicidal.
Did they withdraw the licence?

Why is it excessive? He was suicidal and owns guns. Can't you see why that would trigger a referral?

Because you hear horror stories and this is totally alien to me as a mother. I was told it was finished almost immediately last week they say after the incident however today my midwife getting touch has made me question that, hence me asking for advice is possible from a social worker as I don’t know what this all means

I get that precautions have to be taken in these situations but it makes me think that it's this sort of thing that stops people from actually getting the help they need. Who would admit to feeling depressed and suicidal if they knew that they'd have the police and social services at their door?

I'm not saying it's wrong, they obviously have a duty of care. I just think the approach will definitely put people off seeking help.

With all due respect your husband could have been the horror story. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. Social workers are just people doing their jobs.

A good midwife will check you are ok as you are her priority.
How are you coping with your husbands mental health.
How have you coped with social care being involved.
is there any additional support they can offer you.
has the stress impacted on your pregnancy.

these would all be questions I would be asking a woman under my care

You sound irresponsible to be honest

Minmising 'just an episode' of depression, what do you think depression is?

Not wanting to share health information with your GP, why, for what, how do you think that is protecting your children?

Take some responsibility.