Social services HELP - any social workers out there please

[Hellothere1982]

Partner and I in total shock - partner was feeling very down and told GP he had been feeling suicidal one night (first time this has ever happened and he was just down - nowhere near doing anything stupid) and the next thing we know is because he has a shot gun licence social services have had to be called. Apparently this is standard practice. We have two children never any issues and I am currently 7 months pregnant - adore being parents and do everything for our kids. Social services called and a day later said case was closed however the mental damage has been done to us as parents and we are panicking. My midwife also got in touch today about this matter and asked to chat!!!! Any social workers who can answer - Will they contact their schools? Is this a red mark? If the case was closed why is my midwife in touch - shouldn’t this be the end of it now? The children aren’t involved in any way and we are devastated and scared. You hear such horror stories about social services this has really terrified us as parents - thanks so much to anyone who can help x

This.

Think you're being terrified of the wrong thing. Much worse to have guns in the house and your h feeling suicidal. It was sensible of him to mention it to the GP. I hope he feels better soon

No was at the start of lockdown. I think he was in debt and worried about work drying up. He killed the dog as well. He acted so normal. Even built a playhouse for them the day he killed them. Knowing they would never get to play in it.

I'm glad your DH is getting the help that he needs and sorry that the visit from social workers was so upsetting for you, OP. But I'm also impressed by how quickly and efficiently the whole process worked.

It's quite reassuring to hear in this day and age, when services are under so much pressure and mistakes occur in safeguarding, sometimes with tragic results.

I hope your DH gets the help he needs and that he makes a speedy recovery.

You do realise that only a court judge can make these decisions though, not social workers?

They make their decisions on recommendations from SWs.

Yes, but your point was about lack of accountability and implied SWs have free reign to make decisions on their own. It’s not quite like that.

They make their decisions based on evidence presented to the court in the final hearing, from the Local Authority, from the parents, from the child's solicitor.

Each of them have a position, it may or may not align with the Local Authority's position.

Judges very often do not make orders in alignment with the SW's recommendation.

Who is stopping them?

and evidence. A social worker can say what they like but it won’t hold weight in a court of law without evidence to back it up.

I think @soupfiend and @BigManLittleDignity in their posts above has summed it up pretty well.

And well they should if someone even hints at feeling suicidal. I think it sounds like great sage guarding all
round.

hope your dh is feeling better now.

There was zero evidence of PA against the mum who made SS aware of children’s disclosures and distress. They looked on it as children’s word against his and chose to believe him, despite all the prior evidence of his shady character - DA, stalking, supervised contact etc. It still went in his favour. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It does seem incredible when you haven’t experienced it for yourself. I probably wouldn’t have believed it either. I can’t blame people for not understanding how unfair the system is.

I actually know a mother who was told she would be going to jail if she kept raising concerns about her daughter’s wellbeing while in the care of her abusive ex. She had to bite her tongue and just pray her daughter would be ok.😢

When something happens that's out of the ordinary, it can shake your confidence, as you'll be going through all the possibilities in your mind. It's natural that you'll feel shaken up. You'll be fine. 🙂

I absolutely believe you, having watched two women I know go through the appalling, misogynistic family court system. I’ve seen what it’s done to both them and their children. It’s not like it isn’t well documented either - Panorama and Dispatches have both investigated the abject failings of the system. I would never have believed it before I’d seen all this.

I think there is a big difference in court cases for child protection (ie removing a child from parents and granting care orders) and Child Arrangements Orders (when courts decide about contact with parents). I feel that the courts get it right most of the time with legal proceedings in the first, but I also agree with you that sometimes CAO can mean a child having contact with a parent who has been abusive to the other parent. They are two very separate things and I think the second is much more flawed.

Thank you. It compounds the anguish when you feel no one believes you.

Thank you.