Social services HELP - any social workers out there please

[Hellothere1982]

Partner and I in total shock - partner was feeling very down and told GP he had been feeling suicidal one night (first time this has ever happened and he was just down - nowhere near doing anything stupid) and the next thing we know is because he has a shot gun licence social services have had to be called. Apparently this is standard practice. We have two children never any issues and I am currently 7 months pregnant - adore being parents and do everything for our kids. Social services called and a day later said case was closed however the mental damage has been done to us as parents and we are panicking. My midwife also got in touch today about this matter and asked to chat!!!! Any social workers who can answer - Will they contact their schools? Is this a red mark? If the case was closed why is my midwife in touch - shouldn’t this be the end of it now? The children aren’t involved in any way and we are devastated and scared. You hear such horror stories about social services this has really terrified us as parents - thanks so much to anyone who can help x

Thank you for the lovely message. Yes it was confirmed as standard procedure but still getting a call from SS has totally panicked me as my children are my life as is my soon to be baby. He’s getting wonderful help and fingers crossed one day this will all be a distant memory. Thank you again x

Yabu

Guns are incredibly dangerous even in the hands of a healthy secure adult. They are much worse in the hands of someone suicidal and its quite reassuring that social services have protocols to deal with it.

I wouldn't allow any kind of gun in my house.

Another here who is/ was a practicing social worker; and I think it’s ridiculous people are suggesting you shouldn’t be panicking. Not because I think anything is going to happen here with your kids but because it’s perfectly normal for a parent to be terrified of a professional who has a reputation for removing people’s children. I’d be highly upset to get a call from SW!

But it does sound like procedurally things have joined up well to check on you all. It doesn’t mean any threat to your family or that you’re doing anything wrong. Yes they may well have spoken with the school, which is uncomfortable but just part of them assessing whether the kids are doing ok and if they may be impacted by your husbands low mood. The HV will also have been asked how you are getting on then of course would follow it up - doesn’t mean it’s reopened, she’s just a separate agency doing its own thing after being informed.

I understand your thinking but please don’t let this make you or your husband avoid seeking help when needed in future - sw would always be keen to see people doing this and not view it as a negative.

It sounds like an awful situation - however he probably shouldn't bandy the word suicide around if he doesn't mean it. You can't now complain that the authorities intervened when a mentally ill man (which they legitimately believed he was due to his own claim of being suicidal), then acted to remove his guns (!) because he now apparently didn't really mean it when he said it.

Can you possibly see the implications on society as a whole, and emergency resources, due to- according to you-your husband using hyperbole and therefore setting off a crisis situation instead of just expressing he felt low. (Not being unsympathetic to suicidal people - you have clearly said your husband wasn't!)

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I agree entirely it’s so positive the systems work just a scary time for us all. Thank you again so much

Surely it may only put off those who have gun licences? That's the reason social services and police got involved. Because this man has access to guns. GPs aren't routinely reporting people with suicidal thoughts to SS. And really, if it puts a gun owner off getting help, then they are selfish twats putting their desire to own a gun above the safety of their family.

The GP already countersigns a shotgun license.

Op's partner will quite possibly not have his license reinstated for several years. Loss of friends /job/ hobby/embarrassment. Ideal cure for depression, no? If someone is suicidal you can't, long-term, protect them from everything fatal. Of course he shouldn't hold guns whilst ill, that'd be stupid. But is it surprising that male rural suicide is high?

I’m not sure people do say they’re suicidal or have had suicidal thoughts unless they have. From experience, it tends to be the other way round, people are too scared or worried or embarrassed to say, meaning they might not be getting an accurate assessment or support

They took a gun away from a suicidal man - they’ve done their job, well done to them.

There’s no need for you to feel traumatised here. It’s not comparable to what could have happened if the suicidal thoughts won.

Jesus Christ you hear about how awful people are on mumsnet and here we have it.
my children haven’t been mentioned as they have NO part in this

Social services were called because he had guns in the house not because he had MH issues. Many, many parents have MH issues and manage to do pretty well with or without support from social services. There are many steps that they have to go to from removing children from a parents care, it isn't done out of the blue.

I cannot express how grateful that that level of linked up work is now done, imagine what could have happened if your DH hadn't mentioned it to the GP and then took a very negative downward spiral, people do all sorts of things when desperately unwell mentally , without necessarily showing any real signs outwards to those closest to them.

What exactly did social services do, just call you and send the police round for the guns? And notify the midwife you had experienced a stressful situation? Paternal MH (and grandparents) are meant to be on your maternity notes aren't they, I'm sure they were discussed at the booking in appointment. Social services are not just there to 'take children away'. As the name suggests they provide social services, whether that's offering support and signposting to other agencies, to talking to children's schools and generally liaising with different agency's. You do know when you take children to A&E it is flagged too and you often get a call, and if a phone call is made to the police for DV when children are present that their school is notified. None of these actions are over the top, they save lives and without this happening children die-theres a pretty long list to evidence that.

Respectfully, you’ve heard the horror stories of depressed men turning guns on their loved ones right? That is what social services are trying to prevent. I’m sure your DH would never do that, but someone else’s could, and that’s why they have to check.

You are clearly a great mother- don’t overthink this.

And, I don't think anyone is a "selfish twat" for believing they'd not hurt their loved ones.

Guns are not owned (in rhe uk) to kill people with.
Is a car driver a selfish that for keeping their car keys if suicidal. Or a pedestrian with pushchair aged children. Etc.

It sounds like everyone did their job perfectly. The midwife will be getting in touch because statistically having a partner with mental health issues means domestic abuse or similar issues is more likely. Pregnancy is the most common trigger for dv starting so it makes sense they will be checking you are OK.

I've had social worker involvement in the past and it was a really positive and helpful thing.

Thank you so much for responding. Yes the police alerted SS which is apparently standard practice. Again I appreciate how quickly professionals have acted and the care has been amazing just trying to understand what it means for us as a family. This children are all thriving and happy and have no idea about my husband feeling very low - he’s a wonderful father. As a SW can you kindly confirm that school wouldn’t have been contacted as the case was closed? Thank you so much

You've said that if you and your husband knew that speaking to the GP meant social services meeting you once and getting the guns removed then you and he wouldn't seek help for feeling suicidal. That is not you caring about your children or putting them first. That's putting them at risk of harm.

Although it would be be traumatic having police involved. The police were not only protecting your husband but also you and your children by taking the guns.

Although this undoubtedly feels like an unimaginable nightmare, I do feel like best outcome has been achieved.

You and your family have been deemed as safe and well now, and your husband especially now will be in safer hands and getting support.

Like others have said, he may not have disclosed to you the true depths of his feelings and I could see how this whole thing could been seen as a blessing.

I'm sure the midwife will just be making sure to offer you extra support should you need it.

No need to worry now, enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and remember you have exciting times ahead!

He's pissed off because they did a brilliant job of acting immediately on the report of a suicidal man in possession of shotguns with a pregnant wife and other children, removing one of the most common tools of family annihilation and suicide and other agencies moved straight away to ensure that you are safe and supported?

What you have experienced is the dream - everyone communicating and working together efficiently and speedily - not a nightmare.

Thank you very much for responding - yes I entirely agree that the way this has been handled is incredible in terms of care and it’s amazing the system works. It’s just been a very tough time trying to understand and compute everything

Highly likely school will have been contacted but it will only be the safeguarding team, not random class teachers or office staff

It is a non-issue for school and the safeguarding lead will get many similar calls, they'll just keep an eye on any other disclosures children may or may ot make incase it gives a wider picture but they would do that anyway.

The school may well have been contacted as part of an information gathering process.

But in terms of what it all means for your family- nothing. The case is closed, they’ve told you that, so what do you think will happen?

What a lovely message thank you so very much

I'm not a SW but have had brief SS involvement. My case was closed (ex malicously reported me) but they did call school and GP first to make sure everything was OK with the children etc. I was reassured that social workers are in touch with schools all the time for all sorts of reasons.

School might have been contacted as part of the screening by children's services to decide whether to send out a social worker or open an assessment