Social services HELP - any social workers out there please

[Hellothere1982]

Partner and I in total shock - partner was feeling very down and told GP he had been feeling suicidal one night (first time this has ever happened and he was just down - nowhere near doing anything stupid) and the next thing we know is because he has a shot gun licence social services have had to be called. Apparently this is standard practice. We have two children never any issues and I am currently 7 months pregnant - adore being parents and do everything for our kids. Social services called and a day later said case was closed however the mental damage has been done to us as parents and we are panicking. My midwife also got in touch today about this matter and asked to chat!!!! Any social workers who can answer - Will they contact their schools? Is this a red mark? If the case was closed why is my midwife in touch - shouldn’t this be the end of it now? The children aren’t involved in any way and we are devastated and scared. You hear such horror stories about social services this has really terrified us as parents - thanks so much to anyone who can help x

School, midwife, health visitor, GP will likely all have been contacted just to ensure they have a full picture of any possible risks. Nobody will hold it against you. It’s a daily part of their jobs.

I totally understand, it’s hard enough to heard your husband is suicidal, but then police turning up to take the guns, then SS, and midwife, that’s a hell of a lot for you to process.

What support do YOU have IRL? Have you got good friends to lean on?

Please I’m all of this make sure you’re getting time for yourself. Living with a depressed partner is tough. What support has he got? Is he trying medication?

You seem more concerned about the stigma of all of this (which I completely get) But look at it from the point of view that maybe a child has been saved by this swift action in the past.

I understand you being upset but saying that it was an over the top reaction makes you seem pretty oblivious to why they actually do this.

And if your husband one night in a suicidal frame of mind took the gun out, loaded it, and shot your children and then himself while you were down the shops, would you think ss and the police had overreacted then? Because this has happened which is why this protocol is in place.

The GP was following protocol for people with gun licences presenting as suicidal. Part of that protocol is alerting the police immediately to remove the guns and ammunition, and a referral to ss.

My friends father shot himself with his shotgun in the kitchen. It was horrendous.

I'm so pleased to read on here the excellent joined up thinking and the protocol being followed to the letter.

re school - difficult to say without all the information. There are certain levels at which SS can speak to agencies such as school without your consent, but I don’t think that threshold has been reached by what you’ve said.
Even if they have, I don’t think this is something school are going to judge you on, it’s not a reflection of your parenting or care of the children

Yes there is no question that the system clearly works which is incredible - just hard coming to terms being part of it

I would now be terrified to tell a GP if I had mental health problems if I had children

Op, I think the GP reported your dh not because he said he felt suicidal and has children, but because he said he felt suicidal and has guns.

Also, it will have taken time for the referral to get through to your midwife, hence the delay in her contacting you. I’m sure that now all involved professionals have done their bit, there’s nothing to worry about. Don’t let this stop you or your dh asking for help, if need be. Hope your dh gets the support he needs and that you have a trouble-free pregnancy.

What a lovely message thank you so much x

If you have any farming links then RABI will often fund counselling.

Admitting to the GP as a shotgun licence holder that you are feeling suicidal is a brave thing to do and although he may be minimising it to you now may have saved his life down the line.

I wish more rural people would be honest with their GPs as having your shotgun taken away is never worse than doing something undoable.

I'm really please that services have been joined up and responsive and hopefully once the shock and feelings of embarrassment subside there will be some good come out of it for you.

Thank you so much for responding x

Thank you for the lovely message and I entirely agree with you c

Delighted to hear that there’s a joined-up approach between the GP, Police, and Social Workers.

So often you hear awful stories of men killing their wives and children, and you ask yourself why nobody acted on the clear signs.

Why do you have guns in the house with young children, @Hellothere1982 ? Are you not terrified?

Yes it’s been a hell of a lot but we all have support thank goodness. I’m going to close this feed now as some people are so mean it’s making me more anxious x

I didn't call anyone a selfish twat for "believing they'd not hurt their loved ones". I said someone is a selfish twat if they put guns before their family's wellbeing by refusing to seek help for mental health problems because they don't want to lose their guns. And according to this article, they could also be breaking the terms of their license. https://www.shootcert.co.uk/depression-and-gun-ownership/

@LouiseD1977 I've a shotgun and two high powered rifles. It's normal in rural areas and not considered any more dangerous than having a chainsaw or sacks full of pure nitrogen.

The children on our farm would be more scared of a freshly calved cow or an uncovered PTO shaft than the sight of a gun.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond I’m so greatful

Hi @Hellothere1982 I’m a children’s social worker. You have no need to panic. They have to investigate these things as standard (when they don’t and something happens people are quick to judge - remember the school head?). Children’s services are there to keep children safe. It is clear to them your children are, so case closed. You have nothing to fear, they are simply doing their job as was the doctor. I hope your partner gets the help he needs.

I was just reading earlier about how the families of the people tragically killed in Plymouth are now suing the police for not taking away the guns used by Jake Davison. He was well known to have mental health problems, and had even been involved in fights and altercations but had not had his licence removed.

I think the system was overhauled after that so that guns will be automatically removed from owners with mental health problems. I had no idea this was a thing but it's very reassuring to know that the system works.

Don't worry at all op. Your dh did the best thing by reaching out for mental health support, abd the guns were removed as a precaution to keep you all safe, not as a punishment. I wish you all well for the future 💐

Thank you very much indeed for the lovely message x

Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond. X

I'm not being antagonistic. But many posters are referring to "instances" of men shooting their children and wife and them themselves, like this is a reasonably frequent occurance. But, thankfully, in the UK, this seems really incredibly rare...due to our robust procedures.
It's right that gun licenses are hard to get and easy to lose. But it's wrong that anyone is put off getting medical care.

I would be more concerned about a man with a gun in the house who has expressed suicidal ideation. Not just for his own safety!

@Hellothere1982 my ex sadly has complex MH. Looking back now I completely recognise how much I minimised it. It's a natural coping mechanism.

It is to the benefit of your children that these actions took place. For every person where it was unnecessary there is one where it saved lives

Wishing you and your family good health.

Are you able to say more d's co-owner situation?

Thank you and wishing you all the best x