Grandparents say it’s too expensive to have Grandchildren to stay

[Overtherainbow89]

AIBU?

Grandparents say they can’t have our 2 primary aged grandchildren to stay as it’s too expensive? They seem to think they have to take the children on days out every day (they don’t) and so have suggested they stick to having them in warmer months only?

For context they holiday several times a year and are not on the breadline. Thoughts please….?

Do they find the mess/general play frustrating when they're at home so feel the need to take them out?

They don't want to think of things for them to do indoors. I assume they think they can pop them in the park/garden in the warmer months and that will suffice!

Is it your parents? Can you ask them about it? Maybe an excuse that they are finding it harder to care for children (if they are getting older) and maybe they struggle to manage the kids in their house - mine will play relatively quietly indoors for ages but my brother has to get his kids out of the house multiple times a day for activities as they need to run around more/let off steam so maybe they feel like they have to pay for days out for something to do.

Need more context.

Have you asked them to have them and they refused?

Have they been having them regularly and now stopped?

What exactly has happened?

Maybe this is them saying they dont want to do this?

Can't do a lot can you?

They seem to think they have to take the children on days out every day (they don’t)

What they probably mean here is that they don't like having them in the house all day because a lot of kids get a bit bored, make a mess etc.

Can you suggest some ways to keep them busy that are less expensive? Swimming at a cheap local leisure centre, libraries, local free museums.

But also - be ok about them simply not wanting to have your kids. Its their choice.

For context they holiday several times a year and are not on the breadline. and????

Offer to pay for the days out, they don't want to entertain the kids all day at their house and you want a babysitter by the sound of it, so for the bill.

Are you asking them to babysit for some purpose, like a wedding or something? Have you offered to pay them? If they say they can't have them stay, they can't have them stay. 🤷‍♀️

Give them a list of non expensive activities in their area and also get them lots of stuff they like to do at home (books, lego, creative stuff). Also ask them if they want to have them if you reimburse them for what they spend on the kids.

What age are the children? As they get older it does get harder to entertain them without going out and doing stuff, because they are away from their usual friends, school, activities, homework etc. I find this now when we go to stay with my parents - my son is in Y5 and if I were leaving him with them (which I don't because I like to visit them too) I would need to book a sports day camp or something.

How often were you hoping to leave the children with them, if they are still willing to have them in summer?

Why don't you pay for the activities and cover all their costs.

How do your kids behave in the house? I can understand their reluctance if your dc are the bouncing off the walls rather than reading/colouring/watching a film, kind of children.
Maybe your folks lack the energy to entertain them at home and cba with messy crafts?
Ultimately you have to go with what they prefer, since you want them to want to see the children, not view it as a chore.

It sounds like the GPs may find it easier to be out and about with them (less mess at home, burn some energy, easier to entertain them).

The money may be a little white lie because it takes too much out of them to look after your DC at home.

If it’s not that, could you offer to contribute?

@Overtherainbow89

What's the fact they are not on the bread line got to do with it.
Their money.
Maybe they want to spend it on the heating now winter heating allowance has gone.

Probably other reasons they’re not keen but money seems a reasonable excuse.

How old are the grandparents? It may be that whole days are becoming too much for them. They may find going out and ?meals out just easier to cope with. They’re not short of money and if they’re not generally tight it could be that exhaustion is the real problem. People ‘70+ (and younger) find a whole day with lively youngsters truly exhausting.

Are you asking the grandparents to have them to stay for childcare purposes? They don’t have to have them to stay if they don’t want to. Looking after small kids is hard work.

This! Sounds as though they're trying to politely say they don't want to do a lot of childcare atm.

It’s an excuse.

Take the hint and stop asking them.

Sounds like an excuse and they don’t want to, or are struggling to do so. Take the hint.

Stay for how long?

Actual fair-weather grandparents! Seems a bit weird to me - would they not miss their grand children if they only saw them in the summer? If they are strapped for cash could you fund the activities? I give my mum money when she’s looking after my toddler to pay for any entrance fees / food out etc. she has him a couple of afternoons weekly though and that’s instead of him going to nursery for those sessions. I don’t want her to be out of pocket.