Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

Perfectly reasonable
In fact longer than I would manage
But probably why I dont host
The children will be exhausted, overwhelmed overtired and probably verging on bad behaviour by evening.
I'd say they need to go by 7 pm ,so you can get the kids to bed by 8 and have time to relax with dh after
It's hard work hosting ,they should respect that

It is fine to impose an end time, but do let them know in advance.

Nor does she need to keep shitty dysfunctional drunken Christmases that end up in horrible rows. Op can choose a completely different Christmas for her own family.

This is her moment to choose what SHE wants her children’s memories to be - and it’s clearly not the misery alcoholic fuelled arguments rooted in trauma no doubt. But a fresh, wholesome child centric Christmas wrapped around peacefulness, comfort and good food.

Exactly.

I would bloody love to go to someone’s house which THEY have had to clean and tidy, to eat the dinner which THEY have probably paid for, prepped and cooked, to drink the drinks THEY serve and probably paid for, to kick back while THEY probably wash up, to let a nice taxi driver take me home while THEY look at the carnage and decide whether to start clearing up or bath baby, to watch a bit of crap TV before bed and have a lie in the next morning while THEY are up with a baby and welcomed by the day-before house.

But wait a minute, because they didn’t want me to get shitfaced and obnoxious at their expense, didn’t let me belt out Slade at midnight with their baby and stepson asleep, and wouldn’t just bugger off upstairs so I can paaaaartayyyy as long as my life and soul (🤔) self wanted, they are inconsiderate crap hosts, and actually shouldn’t host at all.

I wish I’d had this conversation with my mum last year before she came. I was pregnant, so sick, with an almost 3 year old and by 7pm I was exhausted. We ended up having a massive argument as I just wanted to put my toddler to bed and crawl into bed myself and she wanted to stay and have me entertain her.

set a home time. Bedtime is a good enough point in time to say it’s time to go

Booze and music? Sounds like my kind of Christmas 🎄

Would they even be able to book a Taxi ? Christmas day is usually booked for the few taxis avaliable .Even cabbies like a break! Maybe say a time about 10.30 or 11.00 say .You can have your Baileys as a night cap! Surely you can watch a film on Boxing Day!

Just curious... do your guests bring alcohol? If not, I might not have any on hand either... 😁

The OP says they go home by taxi every year. It is possible to get taxis at Christmas as a lot of taxi drivers (in my city anyway) are Muslim or Hindu and don't celebrate Christmas. Anyway, if she can't book a taxi why would a 10.30pm or 11pm home time make any difference?

When we were younger and we all had Christmas at MiL's house, she always made it very clear that come 6pm they were chilling and watching the Christmas specials in the living room. The ones looking for a bit of a party came with me and DH back to ours. It was great and meant everyone got to enjoy their night.

Exactly, besides, everyone has the right to enjoy Christmas and OP has spent the entire day catering to them. Noone is stopping them having a piss up- they can do that at home.

What a weird way to frame it- either I come for 12 hours and get trashed or not at all 😂

She is prepared to be hospitable, just not until whenever o'clock and with drunken people.

@Threetrees745 I would say something like dinner will be at X, but we will be putting Baby down at Y and spending a bit of time on our own/with SS as DH is not around much and this is our first Christmas with baby so we want to bath them together etc so please could you arrange your taxis for no later than 8.30?’ Obviously I worded that poorly but that’s the message you both need to go with. DH can tell his parents and he can say it is same for both sets.

Why may the OP and her DH not sit and watch a film and have a Baileys in their own house on Christmas Day?
Bearing in mind they'll have shopped/prepped/cooked/served/hosted for the bulk of the day, not to mention herded their child and looked after a baby.

She sounds very sensible and not at all rude, just clear

I feel your pain Op, this would be my idea of hell .
I think it’s very reasonable to tell them “ whilst we enjoyed last years very late party, this year we will have 2 children overnight and therefore an early start on Boxing Day so its taxis at 9pm please “
They can always party back at one of their houses if they’re that keen .

Our family had a departure time of 7 o'clock, either from our hosts, or if we were hosting.

Of course you're entitled to give a cut off time...If it's your house and you're doing the lion's share. Your MIL will have to suck it up when your DH tells her the plan.

I think 9pm when you have a baby is a reasonable time for people to leave.

Assuming your mum and dad are not the troublesome guests, I'd ask them to help out with the leaving time, perhaps your mum could say at 8pm - "oh is that the time already, you must be exhausted with the excitement and running about after us, especially with the little one too! We've had a lovely day. ThreeTrees dh, can you order a taxi for 9pm for us, George, Mildred will we order one for you guys too and let mum and dad sort the kids out for bed? Is that okay ThreeTrees dh?".

Then your dh just needs to say, that would be perfect, its been a long day, but it has been great to have you all here then pick up the phone.

I think it's absolutely reasonable to ask guests to leave at a pre-arranged time. If they want to party on later they can arrange to do so at their own homes. Hosting at Christmas is tiring. It's not just Christmas day, the whole day prior is spent preparing food, etc.

Personally I don't think Christmas day should be about drunken parties... surely that's a New Year's Eve thing?

This but 7pm...

I'd be dropping a general message to all via whatsapp/text that says something like 'Just a heads up re Xmas Day, guys - last year we were child free and good to party til late but this year we have the little one so unfortunately the bar will be closing early! Looking forward to spending the day with you all'.

If anyone asks, make sure you're that there will be no more food/drink after a 7pm supper (for example).

If they try to outstay their welcome on the day, start clearing up and grabbing coats.

If they've been told, they've been told!

I really wouldn't leave it til the day.

I would just send a breezy message about how excited you are for the baby’s first Christmas but that you plan to spend a quiet evening with James Corden and Ruth Jones after the baby is in bed, so could they please book cabs for 7.30ish this year. Explain that your parents will be doing the same.

They could always carry on the party at one of their houses, you’re not stopping them!

Start as you mean to go on. No decent person would be critical, they’d understand that people with young kids need downtime and rarely want to be getting hammered on Christmas Day evening.

@Threetrees745 who is the potentially person who gets drunk, argumentative etc? Might help with other. suggestions if we knew? Is it one of your inlaws?

I don't think you're unreasonable OP and I think there have been some good suggestions re wording on this thread. Talk to your DP to make sure you're on the same page, get the messages sent and then it'll be off your mind.