Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

Indeed.
Also, could any of the GPs host Xmas?

You could make a Christmas invitation with an itinerary and send to all -

8 - open presents
10 - watch xmas movie
12 - eat lunch
2 - xmas games
5 - snacks / leftovers
7 - kids bed time / taxi

Obviously edit to what your day would look like, but this way you can set expectations And if everyone has the same invite there can't be any accusations of favouritism etc.

she wants to host a family Christmas, not a party. Fair imo.

YABU - although that sounds harsh of me, sorry!

I'm of the opinion that you have opted to host, so for one day/night of the year suck it up and let people stay until they want to (it's not like they're staying until 3am, I don't think midnight is that wildly inappropriate on Christmas Day?!). As others have suggested, when you get tired just head up to bed, there's nothing sad or weird about that - these people are your family and you're a new mum. Have your cosy night in with pajamas and tv as a family on Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, NYE - literally any other day of the month!

Alternatively, don't host. You say you like hosting but get tired, stressed and want people to leave. That doesn't sound like you hosting!

Although I do disagree, and wouldn't impose a finish up time myself, I don't necessarilybthink you're being unreasonable.

It's once a year, and pyjamas, Baileys, and a film can happen the night before, after, or any other night of the year. I've never asked anyone to leave by a certain time, and haven't been asked to by family/friends. But we have always been happy to keep going until everyone's had enough. I get that not everyone is the same.

My concern here though is that, by 9pm, your guests would have been drinking all day, and would have entered "party mode". They will all be enjoying themselves and it will be harder to get them to leave. Plus, you'll probably just want to collapse in bed.

I know you're trying to be fair and reasonable, but you might want to consider making it an earlier finish, even if it's 7 o'clock. That way you can get the baby to bed, DH can tidy, and then you can relax as you want.

She can choose a completely different Christmas for her family, but I think it is the DH that may be the problem here, surely they could both arrange that the families are to be gone by 9pm and if they haven't then there's no drunken party vibe going on, by all means mention it now, but surely it doesn't have to be planned down to the last second at this point?

I may be well off base, but it actually sounds to me like the reason OP is worried about making it known know that they HAVE to go by a certain time, is that she can't really trust her DH to be on her team when it comes to the party side of things if things get a bit carried away and he's having a good time.

She wants a quiet night with him, and he sounds happy to party all evening, if you aren't both in agreement and one person is likely to want the party to carry on, it doesn't really matter what you plan now to be fair, the party person will undo it on the day, which will make you even more pissed off, or it would me anyway!

You both need to be fully in agreement as to what the plan is in advance, and there's absolutely no reason why DH can't be having this conversation with his parents instead of you.. unless you don't trust him or he doesn't want to of course? In which case the problem is him, not them.

Did you miss that the OP now has a baby?

Hahaha!! Tell me you're uptight without telling me you're uptight!

Do people get toilet breaks or do they have to be scheduled in?

Don't do this OP, just tell them that you're hoping to have an earlier finish because of the kids.. but make sure your DH is fully on board with that!

@sandyhappypeople yes toilet breaks scheduled for 11:15 and 3:15. But no, this was a suggestion to try and get ahead of any conflict. OP has said the in laws will take it the wrong way if they feel they are being kicked out, your suggestion doesn't help with this issue.

Some PP keep mentioning 9pm as a cut off time but I think that's a bit late, especially after a long day of excited kids and food prep etc. I'd wind down about 7 -7.30 and off they go. Basically tie it in with baby's bedtime.

Key times are when do they arrive, when will you all eat Christmas dinner and are there any other traditions (like presents or cake) that need to be fitted in? It doesn't have to be regimented, of course, but a vague idea of how the day might pan out will mean nothing's rushed and everyone gets the full Christmas Day experience. Hanging out until the early hours not optional!

I think if you want the house to yourself once the kids are in bed then 9pm is a reasonable cut off time and you can happily cite that the baby will have you both up at 5am on Christmas AND on Boxing Day. Share the planned timings for food and if people want to make arrangements to push off a bit earlier and go on somewhere they can. A post meal family friendly game of charades would have me reaching for the cab numbers pronto.

In your shoes I'd bring lunch forward to lunch time, eat when the baby naps and wind the day down by 7pm but I accept the risk is they are still there and even more leathered by 9. Sounds like hiding the extra booze might be an idea.

Why not invite them to come later say 1? I'd be pissed if I was invited for Christmas day and kicked out at 4.

Sounds grim, i dont think you should host

I wouldn't worry about offending anyone if you have an aggressive drunk in the midst.

I would be sending a general text that everyone is most welcome between the hours of 2-9pm, as things are different now the baby has arrived.

I would limit the alcohol available too.
I really wouldn't want my child to have an aggressive drunk around them at all.

Actually 9 is a bit late 7-7.30 sounds better.

OP said 9pm, not 4, 9pm is completely reasonable.

I'm surprised at how many people on this thread are indicating that drinking and playing loud music until midnights is a very normal family Christmas. Mine and dh's families have always eaten and drunk our fill from around midday onwards and wandered off home around 7/8pm to put small children to bed after them not having slept the night before and for parents to chill out at home and eat more cheese in pjs. I'm genuinely surprised that most people seem to party all evening.

Are people forgetting that the OP has a very young baby?

i think expecting them to leave at 9 is more than reasonable

I'm like you and I need my wind down time

the difficulty is how to word it or whether you start giving signals when they're here!

But how could you not have realised it was ‘a pity invite’ in as much as they didn’t want you to spend Christmas alone? If they’ve never invited you before, and you’re not part of their family, and you were otherwise going to be alone, what other reason do you think they realistically had for asking you?

I think it was really kind of them to think of you, but I would be mortified if I invited someone for lunch and they took that to mean they were welcome to also stay all evening…

@Nina1013 Of course I realised it was a pity invite and had actually declined the invite initially. My father had died three months earlier so it was actually the first Christmas I didn’t have anyone to spend it with. My friend was adamant that “nobody should spend Christmas Day alone” and droned on for weeks about it. In the end I agreed to join them and thought we were having a nice time until 4.30 when my friend said “Let us know when you want to go home”. I had barely digested my food 😂

No I did not. Our Christmases and other get togethers went on usual when babies arrived.
Did you miss where I said that the OP wasn't being unreasonable and advised her to ask the guests to leave earlier than she suggested?

@Nina1013 @Berlinlover
You don't give a guest the bum's rush, though. 🤦‍♀️
And saying, How could you not realize it was a pity invite, is bloody harsh and rude! Should she have declined for pride's sake?
I wouldn't think to leave right after the meal either.

Controversially I think you're eating too late to have an early curfew.

Eat earlier, let them come from 12pm and bin them off at 8pm.

That's quite the back peddle after saying...

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think it's inappropriate for a husband and wife to leave an event seperately.

But you know they like a bit of a party and will not be happy to be gently shooed out early evening. Even if you say 'Carriages at 7pm' or similar, they may not actually leave at that time.