Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

Not at all . Have a slightly earlier lunch with them knowing that late afternoon you will serve mince pies / Christmas cake with a cup of tea which is the signal that its time to leave .

You can't give your in laws a going home time, leave that to your DH.

YANBU … but it does sound fun, and you could always ask your DH to turn the music quieter / slower and go to bed as soon as you flop?

Unreasonable if your husband was perfectly happy, yes. Why not just go to bed and leave everyone else to enjoy the evening?

Go to bed and leave them to it, just ask them to keep the noise down

You can suggest an earlier exit because you are weary this year. Most will not take offence.
Go to bed at 8 o'clock.

Leave them all to it but do ask your DH to make sure the noise is not loud enough to disturb your sleep.

Am I reading it right that last year you didn't gave a child, this year you do?
In which case if your DH is in agreement its an excellent time to make a change.
'Aiming for a more family friendly Christmas this year, love to see you all for dinner etc, but will be winding down /bedtime starting at 6/7pm.'
Although, I think it's easier to invite people to arrive later than kick them out at a certain time. So I'd say morning alone for family Christmas, no one arrive before like 2 pm, dinner at 4 and if the evening goes on too long them you and baby feck off upstairs to bed.

Not unreasonable, we had the 'family guests who never leave' a few times, it's nice they feel comfortable to stay & don't want to go home. But due to work we get up at 4am ish every day. So are done by 8pm. 2 ways to go here. If Hubby is happy to host alone fine, get him to forewarn his parents threetrees is knackered after such a busy day, so she'll be popping off to bed about 8.30pm. You are welcome to stay later but we will need to be a bit quieter given DC & Three trees sleeping ( also helped if you forewarn your DP what's happening & they say at about 7ish, well it's been lovely, but we will leave you in peace now & PIL may take the hint. Or DH just tells them we love to see you but we are going to wrap it up at 8 as we're tired out by then.

Personally I think YABU. If you don't want to host, then don't.

We had my husband's child who was picked up by his mother after dinner. Leaving all the adults to have a bit of a wild party.
This year we have my husband's child and a baby all day/night.

Because it's not that I want to go to bed, it's I want to enjoy a bit of wind down with my husband, maybe have a baileys and watch a film before heading to bed.

It feels a bit sad and lonely to trot upstairs on my own.

Don't host and just have you hubby and baby on Christmas day??? Can always see family on Christmas Eve/boxing day? Or just give everyone their coats at a time that suits you??? 😉

I do want to host, I just don't want to host for 12 hours straight.

Can't do that unfortunately, no one else will have in laws and husband works a job where he isn't home for Christmas every year depending on shift patterns so I feel selfish saying it should be just us as people want to see him/grandchildren when we do have the opportunity.

OK, then that is the perfect basis for your DH to say ‘we’ve got the kids and the baby this year so we’re doing hot chocolate and ‘carriages’ at xxxx time - just to let you know so that you can arrange taxis and all go back to yours for the party”

But does he? You havent said, it seems to only be about what you want

I think that's fine. You said your parents will understand, can DH talk to his?

Relaxing later in the evening with a film is what I do on Christmas day

Mmm I thinking winding down at 8/9 is probably fine. Kicking people out at 4/5 is way too early.

This is where I think your expectations are unreasonable.
You're trying to squash 2 totally different Christmas Days into one.
Indulge and chill all day boxing day rather than sending everyone home early. If you and the dc are exhausted it's fine to set a time limit. I just think you're unlikely to get that chilled, movie watching evening with excited, exhausted dc.
You risk spoiling what sounds like a really happy Christmas Day without gaining.

It is very much all about what you want

What does your husband want ?

I don't really get it, a Baileys and a film and early to bed.....you can do that literally any night if the year. Why does it have to be the one day you've invited guests over, on actual Xmas day?
Seems a bit not in the spirit...here's your turkey, now fuck off.

He's happy to do whatever. He's a go with the flow type of person where as I'm a bit more highly strung and need "a plan".

Because if what OP wants is a chilled evening with her baby followed by Christmas tv in her jammies, being banished to bed while a rowdy party goes on in her house isn’t a great solution. Why is it only her husband’s happiness that matters?!

There is room for compromise here, and too many women are left in the shitty position of doing all the work of Christmas without getting to enjoy it the way they want to. I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s happening here, but I don’t see why OP can’t set reasonable limits in her own home when she’s the one hosting.

If you're going to do this, tell them now. Going home after dinner is a vastly different experience from making a night of it. Give them plenty of chance to make alternative plans, because to change to what you are suggesting may feel very flat and disappointing. Not that that's your responsibility, but it is your responsibility to warn them so they can choose what to do.

Do you have to continually host them? Can you not relax with them there?
I think yabu to ask them to leave early. Its Christmas and they want to spend time together. Maybe ask them to host and then you can leave when you want.