Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

If you want a chilled evening in your pyjamas, you don't invite guests in the first place!

And who said she'd be doing all the work? Nobody.

She can set limits of course. But not alone, and if your main concern is getting people out there seems little point in having them at all.

Perhaps a bit of a drip feed but one of the reasons I'm keen to close the bar early so to speak is that one of the family members we are hosting has form for getting too drunk and argumentative which has spoiled some lovely events in the past by creating an uncomfortable atmosphere. I'm keen to mitigate this as I don't want the memory of my baby's first Christmas being married if something like that happens again.

Also.i'm not kicking people out after dinner. We are asking people to arrive for 2pm, dinner at 4pm then Perhaps leave at 9. In the past they have stayed until almost midnight.

My family are dead and a few years ago a friend asked me to join her and her parents for Christmas dinner. At 4.30 she said “let me know when you want to go home”, so I ended up going home around 5 o’clock. I thought it was very mean. At least you’re giving your in laws advance warning you want them to go home early.

My sister in law used to gently signal that it was time for her guests to go home by asking 'another cuppa before you hit the road?'.

You have to time it right, though, for when there's a natural lull in the proceedings.

She says that it works every time.

I'm asking my own family to leave early too not just in laws.

OK, so last year you didn't have kids, this year you do. Absolutely out a stop to an evening drinks party. I'd make it clear its family friendly this year, ie, after xpm you will be qatching a Christmas kids film with DC, they are welcome to stay but it's not appropriate to be drinking heavily around small children so it's cocoa only other than the wine or whatever with lunch.
Definitely protect your kids from pissed adults

9pm is a bit of an awkward time to leave IMO - if they're the type to be boozing all evening then ideally you want them gone at 5/6ish so they can safely install themselves somewhere else for the night.

Can you do lunch earlier and make it clear you are hosting for the day time activities but they'll need to go somewhere else for the night?

Honestly, if they expect a part vibe then 9 is still too late. What are rhe kids supposed to he doing well the adults are all chugging back booze and partying? Christmas with small children should be family games or TV in your pjs. Not being sent to bed upstairs whole uncle whatever gets drunk and loud downstairs

I mean it's fine, but personally the year we had babies and did a "just us" Christmas it was so boring. And we're not a big party and drinks family.

It just turns into any other day when you're getting the baby and the child off to bed at a certain time. It's lovely having everyone up, kids asleep under the table, grandad nodding off in the chair.

Surely it was kind of your friend to invite you for Chistmas dinner? Even if you had to leave earlier than you expected, it must have been better than having Christmas dinner on your own at home.

I thought 9ish was being generous, as I'm worried that people will take offense and be angry.
If it was up to me they would leave earlier so we could relax after dinner.

My stepson is old enough to join in the party with a juice if we wants or he can play with his video games upstairs until his bedtime and I will probably put baby down about 7ish the same as every other day.

I'd go for something subtle like this 😂

100% not unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time! You're hosting them for a day, not an all night rager. People shouldn't impose themselves on others, especially not loud music / drinking / parting when it isn't wanted.

If it was me, I’d rather she hadn’t bothered at all than make it clear I’d outstayed my welcome as soon as it’s dark. Berlinlover might otherwise have made plans elsewhere, or for a nice day to herself where she wasn’t made to feel like a spare part.

Ah, lovely. We’re only having one family member this year, but next year we’ll be hosting many more and I’m going to 100 percent aim for “everyone up, kids asleep under the table, grandad nodding off in the chair” ❤️

Nothing at all wrong with wanting guests to leave at a convenient time. I couldnt be doing with people at midnight either who get pissed and argumentative either- its horrible anti social behaviour.

I'd be making it clear that you are ring fencing some time for just your family. They should be happy you're hosting it and taking on the hassle of that, its pretty unreasonable of them to demand to stay until the early hours just to get pissed.

Of course it's fine to invite people round and say to them that you want things winding down by a certain time, just say to them, in advance, that after 8pm or whatever you want a bit of time to yourself. I can't stand people who overstay their welcomes when it's obvious that you want them out of the house.

Set up a Christmas WhatsApp and say looking forward to Christmas already, starts at x time, dinner at x time then home time is 8.30/9pm as need to get kids to bed … they all get same message at same time

Well you can ask, and if you're going to set a departure time it's best to do so in advance so everyone knows what to expect. You can't control what people will think of it though. They sound like the type of person who thinks the best bit of socialising is the post-8pm drinking and making merry (I'm one of those too), and they've done it at your place before, so I wouldn't blame them for feeling disappointed.

It's also quite unusual if I think about it. I don't think I've ever been told a departure time for this sort of thing, and I've never hosted anything that I wasn't happy to last well into the night. To me you shouldn't host if you don't want to be hospitable, and being hospitable means going with the flow and into the night. And especially at Xmas when everything else is shut, transport is harder to come by and no one has to be up the next day.

I wouldn't invite anyone who was an unpleasant, argumentative drunk though, family or not.

That's not to say I don't sympathise with you as I certainly know the feeling of just wanting a chilled Xmas. The answer to that is not to host at all, not to try to have your cake and eat it.

Don't get me wrong, I am pleased to have people and I love cooking for people, but it is tiring and when you are hosting people in your home, I feel like I can't really relax.

Also I was brought up in the 90s and I had some horrendous Christmases watching my parents and aunts/uncles get pissed while I was sent of to go and play with my horrible cousins. I really don't want that for my kids!

Surely that should have been decided and communicated at the point people were invited?
If there's a change to previous arrangements then guests needed to know then.

Tell them you need them gone in time for you to sit and relax for the gavin and stacey finale 😂

I think they should understand with 2 young children in the house now, just explain, I am sure they will understand

YANBU. Give a schedule ahead of time so people can plan ahead.

I don’t know where people are getting this “don’t invite people at all if you don’t want them to stay indefinitely” dosh. Invitations to come celebrate from X to Y time are the norm, not some wild idea. I took my DC to a birthday party this weekend and none of the guests were offended that it was scheduled from 10am-1pm and we were all handed party favors and thanked for coming at 1pm. Same at the wedding I went to two weeks ago - those who wanted to keep partying just went elsewhere. And well-mannered guests would never want to outstay their welcome.

one of the family members we are hosting has form for getting too drunk and argumentative which has spoiled some lovely events in the past

In general I think chasing people out early on Christmas day would be a bit sad. But if you have someone who gets tiresome when they are drunk, it is for the best. I would actually explain that to everyone else "Listen, we're aiming to get everyone on the road by 10pm before Jimmy starts picking fights. You know how it goes." I think with advance warning, everyone will see the sense in that.

I really don't want that for my kids!

And you shouldn't, it's completely inappropriate for adults to get pissed and bolshy and argumentative when there are kids in the house. Heck, its unpleasant when there arent kids there!

Honestly, I don't think that was mean. They welcomed you for Christmas dinner, but possibly wanted some time as a family together in the evening.