Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

I would be hospitable Cooking xmas dinner for everyone IS hospitable.

Actually, it seems like the OP is only one being hospitable at all here since she is the one doing it every year. If they want to drink until late there is nothing stopping them from hosting - I wonder why they never offer to be "hospitable" eh?

Totally reasonable, and normal to me. Assuming all grandparents live relatively near by. We hosted every year, arrive late morning to see kids open some of their presents, lunch about 2, walk off lunch, play and so on, tea and Christmas cake at about five ‘before you head off’. And then the lovely bit of settling in for a quiet evening just us!
Manage expectations, you are hosting so your rules, but people do need the rules to be made clear.

This is MN at least 1 adult must not drink incase of medical emergency or fire, flood or earthquake

We are all different. We have spent the last 25 Christmases with just the 4 of us. Spending Christmas day with others would fill me with dread.

OP, don't host. Go to your parents. Leave when you're tired and have a quiet evening st home. Visit in-laws next day and do same.

Would it work? What I’ve found with my in-laws who don’t leave is that even when we specify an end time and explain why (for very real reason around health or work), they ignore it and we end up feeling awkward and pointing them to door. It has resulted in us inviting them less tbh.

That sounds perfectly reasonable. Go for it!

So guests are allowed to do whatever the fuck they like at your home are they? If they want to hold a pissed up rave until the early hours (even though you've got a new baby) that's cool with you, is it? The OP is hosting, she's doing a nice Christmas dinner for her ILs, her own parents and step son and is happy to continue hosting until around 8pm. She simply doesn't want them blast out loud music and get shit faced until midnight. Because of that you think she's a bad host? I would say that any grandparents who think this is acceptable behaviour are fucking awful guests. Jeez.

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. It's not that OP wants to go to bed, she just wants her house back! To get things into order before bed, tidy up, maybe chill out in the living room after a busy day.

You're not unreasonable at all OP.

Yes, and I might want to shower, put pj's on and relax a bit once baby is asleep. An entire day of cooking/cleaning as you go/tending to baby and hosting and I'd be wrecked. 😵‍💫

@Threetrees745 - Would this whattasapp message work?

Hi Everyone

Not long now to Christmas – we are only about five weeks away! I am sure you are all busy buying cards, presents and stocking up in anticipation of the Christmas festivities.

This year, we are planning to eat lunch at 2.30pm, so please feel free to arrive any time between 1pm and 2pm. With wee Archie now on the scene I’m afraid we can no longer host as late as we have in the past, so we need to start winding down by 7pm.

Would you prefer to book your own taxis for around 6.45pm or, I am more than happy to arrange this? If I don’t hear back I will assume you have organised this yourselves.

Really looking forward to seeing all of you for Christmas Day.

Love the TheTrees
HO HO HO x

So guests are allowed to do whatever the fuck they like at your home are they?

Erm , I wouldn’t go as far as “whatever they want”- pissing up the walls wouldn’t be acceptable for example 😆. . But if I invited people for Christmas , I would expect them to eat, drink, be merry and stay as long as they were enjoying themselves. Thats my idea of being hospitable/ a good host/ looking after your guests. If I didn’t want to do that, I personally wouldn’t offer to host. I personally don’t think giving people a 9pm curfew is much in the spirit of Christmas.

@Itsallfunngamesuntil i think that’s a very good message. I find it baffling anyone would consider getting rowdy drunk late into the night would be appropriate when someone has a new baby.

Sone people seem to have very little self awareness it seems

Err tbf there’s no suggestion anyone has done this. OP is just anticipating/ trying to avoid this potential outcome

😂😂😂

My husbands family will party all night. It's accepted now that at some point in the evening I leave them to it and go to bed. Often I don't actually go to sleep but will read and luxuriate in my own company. try it.

Agreed!

I think it's a bit miserable personally as it's only 1 day and I like to enjoy the whole day. If I felt how you did then I probably wouldn't host.

I know people have different opinions on this though and some people prefer a quieter Christmas. I love the chaos to be honest!

Exactly. I think it's a great message to align expectations. I think I'm just getting a bit anxious because I really want it to be memorable for the right reasons. In previous years I was happy to join in with a drunken party until a certain point but I've not specifically said that we are NOT doing that this year and I panicked and thought maybe I need to make that clear.

Maybe my in laws won't even be offended and will totally understand, I think I have offended her a few times without meaning to and I'm not sure if she likes me. We are really different, I'm quite reserved, not touchy feely and not outwardly affectionate and I think she sees me as being cold and was worried the requests to leave early could maybe give the wrong impression.

Just give them an end time. If people get offended then that’s their problem.

But being hospitable is subjective surely? You're saying that she might as well not bother if she doesn't want them to party until midnight. Why does there have to be an "all or nothing" attitude for heaven's sake? She's hosting them all day until 9pm and doing all the cooking and other preparations it takes to make it a nice day. I wouldn't think it was rude or odd if my daughter (or anyone) wanted me to go home at 9pm. How many people would expect to stay up getting drunk and playing loud music on Christmas Day in someone else's home? Especially where there's a baby and another young child. It isn't New Year Eve.

If you want them to go by 9pm may I suggest you get DH to say 8.30 - 9pm for taxis to arrive.

It sounds more relaxed.

I'd say "just thinking about Christmas and booking taxis. Thinking that this year won't be as wild now that tired hangovers aren't an option thanks to DC so booking taxis for 9 suits us. Really looking forward to seeing you all!"

It's one day OP. This sounds like when you book a table at a restaurant and you only have it for a certain time. I think it's rude on Christmas Day to ask people to leave by a certain time. You having Boxing Day to wind down. If you don't, because you're busy on Boxing Day, don't host on Christmas day.

Why be so all or nothing about it?! You can invite guests for a defined period, that’s a totally normal thing to do. They’d probably much rather come for part of the day than miss seeing their grandchild altogether.

It sounds like OP hosts because it’s convenient for everyone else if she does. That’s fine but certainly doesn’t mean she’s obliged to host them in manner she doesn’t like. She and her husband can reach an agreement - maybe every other year they have people stay late, or something like that. OP doesn’t have to permanently sacrifice what she wants for the sake of keeping everyone else happy.