Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

To me you shouldn't host if you don't want to be hospitable, and being hospitable means going with the flow and into the night. And especially at Xmas when everything else is shut, transport is harder to come by and no one has to be up the next day.

This is exactly what I think.
Also You can have a baileys and film the night before or after.

Exactly this

God Mumsnet is so fucking weird sometimes. If the OP wanted to have Christmas Day with just her baby and DH everyone would tell her to go for it. But her PIL want to play loud music, get pissed and party until midnight and for some bizarre reason that's perfectly OK! The OP says she's very happy to host and will spend all morning cooking a lovely meal for two sets of parents and her step son but she doesn't particularly want her home to be turned into rave central!

It's not even "traditional" to play loud music and party until the early hours on Christmas Day in most homes, especially with a young baby. Most people flop and watch a film or play board games for example. Apparently however OP is the problem and she should dutifully take herself and the baby to bed like a good little woman. Wtf.

Looking forward to seeing everyone Christmas Day for our gathering between 2pm and 8pm. Dinner's at 3pm, Taxis at 8.30!

No but I wouldn't do it on the day I would give them a heads up because of the baby and tiredness 7pm is the expected home time. (Not quite worded like that). So If they want to they can prep their own snacks and drinks for the evening.

TheBigSalami · Today 10:59
I can’t imagine doing this. It’s really miserable and unwelcoming.
Why not take yourself off to bed if you’re very tired and let your guests enjoy themselves?

You CANNOT be serious...

Don't you need to 'put the house to sleep' safely? Switch things off, tidy up a bit, make sure the fire's dampened down, turn off lights, check doors are locked?

How are (possibly drunk) guests going to do that?

But guests who over-stay are rude and inconsiderate, so I wouldn't mind being a bit assertive with them.

I can’t imagine doing this. It’s really miserable and unwelcoming.
Why not take yourself off to bed if you’re very tired and let your guests enjoy themselves?

I cant imagine being drunk and argumentative in someone else's house when they've been kind enough to cook for me and have a new baby.

Its really miserable, hateful and rude.

Yeah, if it was my in laws, I'd leave them with DH and just go to bed. Once it gets past normal bedtime, I genuinely think it's fine to do this - particularly if you've hosted them all day.

OP im with you, i wouldn’t want a drunk party house with small kids.

i would want people over at 11/12ish and pls fuck off by 6pm. I would be polite and kind with my family but crystal clear - we are an honest sort of family. I would ask husband to speak to in laws but if he did t I would ring them up myself and explain it in a kind way ‘I will be shattered by X time, thanks so much for understanding….’ Blah

but you must must tell people in advance

@Threetrees745 It’s not easy to get people to leave, when you want, as I found out with my db. My dm used to come to us for Christmas dinner, while dh’s dps went to his dsis for the day. We usually had dinner around 2-3pm, then afterwards we had an open house for any of my siblings and their family to come (dm wouldn’t come at all and would have just stayed home alone, if I hadn’t invited the rest of my family afterwards), with me putting on a small buffet spread.

Unfortunately my db and sil always came. Db was normally drunk when he arrived and would continue drinking. He always fell asleep by 7-7.30pm, then would wake up around 10pm and want to start drinking again. Of course by this time I was shattered, everyone else had gone home, my dh had gone to bed, which I also wanted to do, whereas he had had a nap and would happily carry on drinking for at least another couple of hours, which sil facilitated.

You are allowed to end a party. There is no rule that you’re a shit host if everyone can’t stay for 12+ hours. The op is tired with a baby, there is especially no rule parents of babies must host for any extended time whatsoever. They are all pre booking taxis so transport is no harder to come by if they leave at 8 vs 11pm.

Not read all the responses but I think you would be perfectly reasonable to call time at 6pm. Next time you are chatting or texting just mention that with the baby and little one - you will have had an early start and that you would like to get them settled, so it won't be a late one this year.

There is absolutely NO imperative for you to host for 12 hours - that is just crazy talk.

I think that is fair enough. She invited you for Christmas dinner not for Christmas Day. I usually leave around 4/5 when I have been invited to lunch.

It reminds me of the age old quote people will treat you and your babies the way you allow them to treat you.

The onus is on you to set the tone, decide what is served, the timings and ending. It’s your home op. It’s your children that will live with the drunken brawls that you will allow to be their first memories if Christmas.

Never be afraid to have boundaries in your own life, and in your own home.

Yanbu. A 7pm deadline is needed.

Never mind the film or the Baileys. Perfectly reasonable with a young child to want to only have people around in the daytime.

Our guests arrive at 11.30am and are gone by 6pm - same if we are at theirs for Christmas. 6.5 hours is plenty of time in each others company if you all live locally. Even pre kids there was no partying until midnight!

Would your parents offer to have everyone afterwards for a drink? In my experience, people can be sensitive about things like this.

Or ... you could offer them a lift home at 6pm 'before we start putting the baby to bed' so they can both drink.

You are allowed to end a party. There is no rule that you’re a shit host if everyone can’t stay for 12+ hours

Yes, some of these responses are so ridiculous. Being a guest in someone's home doesnt mean you can do whatever the fck you like regardless of how selfish or anti social it is to others. Good grief.

They can always host if they are ‘sensitive’ to some very reasonable boundaries!

As the taxis have to be pre-booked then the guests will need a departure time, so something along the lines of "as we now have a baby we will be winding down by (insert time), so please can you book your taxis for this time"

Blow out the candles, put the lights on, chairs on the table and start hoovering!

She’s “allowed” to do whatever she wants of course. But it’s Christmas, and if I were hosting I would be hospitable ; if I wasn’t prepared to do that, I wouldn’t offer to host.

What is this? 😳