Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

Then I think you don't really want to host Christmas day.

I don’t agree. I think op is happy to host but is being sensible about her energy levels with a baby and a toddler. Not unsurprisingly.

Don't be ridiculous.
I wouldn't want to host a load of well oiled people until midnight on Christmas day either, nor do a lot of people. And I don't have a baby.

Quite right! I should have read the rest of the OPs comments before replying...

It's shit like this that makes so many women dread Christmas, because they are expected to martyr themselves facilitating everyone else's good time. The number of "and that does your husband think about this??" type posts is a tad depressing. It really shouldn't be that controversial for OP, who has had a baby and will be cooking for everyone, to consider her own needs and ask for a couple of hours to herself at the end of a long day.

I'm also surprised at the number of people saying she shouldn't invite anyone in the first place if she isn't happy for them to stay til midnight. Since when does hosting people for lunch mean you've implicity agreed to them staying for 10-12 hours?? Would all of you honestly just assume that a couple with a baby under a year old would want you getting pissed and playing loud music in their house til gone midnight on christmas day? If anything I would be taking it upon myself to ask them "what time does the baby normally go to bed?" then suggesting to the rest of the family in advance that we clear off at that time and leave the new parents in peace.

OP, in your shoes I'd set up a WhatsApp group or something and message the following
"We'll aim to serve lunch at 1pm on Christmas Day so feel free to get here for 12pm. We're really looking forward to spending the day with you all but hope you'll forgive us that we aren't up for a late night partying this year. Baby will no doubt have us up at 5am so after all the excitement she'll/he'll be ready for bed at 7pm and DH and I won't be too far behind! Let me know if you want us to book a taxi for you, and we will totally understand if you want to carry on and have an 'after-party' at one of your houses without us."
If they take offence then it's not the end of the world. I wouldn't feel guilty on account of anyone entitled enough to think that availing themselves of my hospitality for 7 hours wasn't enough!!

The well oiled people have been hosted to nth degree on Christmas Day… they Can of course stay up till midnight partying but they didn’t get up early with an excited child and don’t have to get up with kids the day after.

Even if it’s a casual Boxing Day the kids need to be catered to. So whoever is coming needs to understand that, and leave at a reasonable time. 9pm is more than generous imo but after last year it just needs to be understood by everyone… including husband

Leave it out, it doesn't have to be either you want to host for a long and hectic and drunken day or you don't want to see people at all. You're just badgering now.

Indeed. There are quite a few petulant people on here who seem to have the attitude: "I want to party for 12 hours, be served food all day, have you running around to clean up after me, play loud banging music into the night whilst I get progressively drunker (sod the fact you have baby to put to bed) and if you wont allow me that then fine, I'm not coming at all" sulk

Geez.

Early evening- would you like a cup of tea before you go?

I would stuff them so full that they want to sleep 😉

So they come for Christmas dinner having prebooked a taxi for midnight? Fuck that.

Surely to god they’ll have the brain to realise that things are different this year given there’s now a very young baby? Mentioning that he/she is still keeping you up should be enough. Will they be so insensitive as to try to carry on drinking/partying til midnight? I’d be shushing them and reminding them they’ll wake up the baby. Maybe the OP won’t have to make a big fuss about it? I hope!

Surely to god they’ll have the brain to realise that things are different this year given there’s now a very young baby?

You would have thought so. Although quite a few posters don't seem to either.

I don’t know why people keep saying things like this? It’s about different perspectives on hosting..

I would certainly hope so.

But OP has noted that everyone will need to book taxis in advance, so unless everyone involved makes that connection in advance on their own, she’s likely to end up with people booking for midnight departures unless she specifically requests otherwise this year. With pre-booked taxis she can’t just count on hinting to one more aware person that it’s time to go and letting them start the exodus and help the denser less aware folks catch on.

It's not hosting as such though, it's Christmas day with v close family. Just chill out, chat, and if you're tired push off to bed.

Get everyone out for a long walk, big stodgy Christmas pud, and everyone will be snoozing in front of the TV

But it is hosting. I am sociable and gregarious, but I wouldn't want guests to stay so late either, especially if I had a young baby. I would want some time to wind down sans guests before going to bed.

Absolutely spot on! I was disgusted with the amount of unpleasant responses on here. She has a new baby for goodness sake. OP just do what is best for you and your little family. If others can’t/won't fit in around that then they can sort their own Christmas out. Once we had kids we had everyone over for Christmas lunch (arrived from 11am) then they all went around 6-7pm giving us a chance to bath the baby and clear up before an early bedtime! It’s exhausting entertaining without kids let alone when you do have them.

I think in your shoes OP, I would just tell everyone that now that you have a baby to think about, the plan is for taxi's at 8pm, as by that time you'll be worn out and ready for your bed. You don't need to tell them that you just want to chill out and watch a film with your DH, whilst having a few quiet drinks together. Anyone who's had children will totally understand, and if they don't, well that's their tough luck, they can always have Christmas at home if they don't like it!

I know you mean well with your suggestion but honestly I don't want them to fall asleep in front of the telly. I want them to go home so I can have my own space.

Also I don't know how much experience you have of party hardened drinkers but my family would laugh me out the door if I suggested a walk after Xmas. My 63 year old mum is still wearing 5 inch stilettos as an every day shoe...

Have you spoken to them about a going home time yet?

@Threetrees745 you have had some great suggestions on this thread. It sounds like you need to be less subtle with your guests and say that as you now have a baby you will be ordering taxis for 8pm (for example).

I would also bring lunch forward to an earlier time.

Make sure you order the taxis BTW.

You do have my sympathies. Unfortunately I think it’s part and parcel of hosting Christmas Day. I mean I’d love my In Laws to piss off at 6/7pm and I could lounge on the sofa with a Baileys too. Only they’d be really offended.

They don’t drink loads though so I can see how very drunk people would be worse. They best you can do is try to control the evening a bit more. Say you’re tired with the baby and would prefer an earlier night. I still think around 10pm might be the best you can hope for. You could always disappear upstairs for a bit and have a break.

@Threetrees745 it's the MN trope of being an invitation not a summons. You invite them, say what for, and they can accept or decline.
If they want to party, they can decline your invitation or arrange to have the main meal and presents with you, then take the party elsewhere.

It shouldn't be this hard!

I agree @Florafaunafish

Also, the OP can be less forthcoming about providing so much alcohol.

"Sorry, we have run out of Baileys/wine/beer"

Or "as we now have a baby we won't be partying until late this year"

Be less of a doormat.