Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

Eh? Why is it inappropriate for a husband and wife to leave separately? You had my sympathies up to that point…

It's one night. You can have an intimate Xmas Eve and Boxing Day and all the other days.
Leave your dh and everyone to it if you want to go to bed early.
They may take the hint and leave but if your dh is ok with it then you both do your separate things.

You need to be strong this first Christmas as it will set a precedent. You need to do what's right for the four of you.

Baby is put down at 7pm, so we really need the house back by 6pm hope you understand

Hmmm

I certainly wouldn’t go to bed, and leave lots of drunk people downstairs! That is very rude. Nor would I accept having that around my young baby either.

Op, I think you state the finish time - your baby is a perfect reason to want to do things differently going forward.

Set your boundaries and stick to them even if you have to start getting ready for bed, getting the vacuum cleaner out, plumping up cushions. You are the hostess so set your scene for you and your evening.

Perfectly reasonable to expect guests to leave at 9-9.30. No one wants to deal with a drunk relative at midnight then maybe get up to a baby a couple of hours later.

If you don't want to host, don't. You can't give them a time to leave by!

A finish time of 7pm when the baby goes up to bed, seems perfect timing.

Perfectly reasonable to set an end time. I wouldn’t be able to go to bed and relax if there were people drunk and arguing downstairs- that’s horrible.

I wouldn’t want that kind of behaviour around my kids. Set a boundary and stick to it. As others have said, they should be grateful you’re hosting them. Where is their effort to host???

It’s not your job to facilitate their drinking op. It’s not your job to continue the tradition of getting pie eyed either. They can go elsewhere for that.

Christmas should be about your children. Not dealing with arguments and drunks!

Your dh and you need to be strong on this point op. You are setting a precedent.

It’s inappropriate to be around young babies so drunk anyway!

Stop the alcohol service after xmas lunch, make them coffee while muttering, "yes, lovely to have you, we must do it again another year blah blah". Sit and yawn for a while. Get baby ready for bed, skip bath time though or all the Grannies will want to 'help'. Get your own jammies on and if they are still hanging around, take yourself and baby to bed leaving DH to get on with it.

If the grandads are old fashioned, a spot of breastfeeding with everything hanging out might have them scurrying off too 🤣 (that worked for me after giving birth a few days before xmas).

I think it sounds absolutely hideous having to hide off by yourself on Christmas night whilst extended family all get pissed! It would be my idea of hell having everyone there that late. Will they be leaving under their own steam? Or will you be driving them home?

i would definitely set expectations in advance and say something like “we’re really looking forward to seeing you all for Christmas dinner this year - just to pre-warn you, since we have the children all day this year we would like to enjoy some quiet wind down/family time in the evening so I hope you won’t be offended that we don’t plan to make an evening party of it this year” so it doesn’t give an exact kick out time but makes it clear that it’s different to last year?

YANBU. I can’t wait for this Christmas as it’s just me, DH and DS (who admittedly is 21) but no-one else. We’re having steak and chips for lunch with a nice pudding and then lots of treats and nibbles for our tea whilst watching Christmas films. It’s going to be lovely. We’ve had hectic family Christmas’s before and it was OK but knackering. Last year we tried going out for lunch (just me and DH as DS was working) but it was £150 of disappointment if I’m honest so we’re not doing that again 😂

You don't necessarily have to kick them out, but make it clear that baby's bedtime is x o'clock and so you will be having quiet time from then onwards, winding down, no music, "maybe just watching some films quietly, and then I'll probably have an early night too, what with the baby and everything, and if you don't like it you can piss off home".

But no, absolutely not unreasonable at all. Make it clear to them now though, so they can adjust/make other plans if they want etc,

Perhaps I am unreasonable there but I think I feel that way because my husband works away from home where he can be gone for weeks at a time so it works out that we actually only live together for half of the year. Therefore I think any time we have together is precious so I wouldn't want to waste it by not turning up/leaving events as a team so to speak.

I really can’t see why anyone invited for a catered Christmas lunch with their little grandchildren would have any issue ensuring they left at a reasonable and appropriate time, after helping as much as possible throughout the day.

Most wouldn’t need warning, they would do it naturally.

The problem drinkers in this scenario appear to be calling the shots.

Why not?

I mean, to me that sounds reasonable - but it's obviously not to your collective family, who prefer to stay later, or to your husband, who seems happy.

You've got a child this year, so you could always make everyone aware that bedtime will be 7:30 or whenever and it'll need to be quiet downstairs after that point, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll leave...

I think a proper invite might be the way forward, with a timeline like you get for a wedding reception. 12 - 1pm, arrive. 3pm Christmas dinner, 5pm Queens Speech, 7pm final toast, 7:30pm carriages type thing (I've absolutely made that up, obviously). Then people have a clear impression of what to expect, and when to plan to leave.

I'd also caution against having anyone over too soon - lots of friends warned us that they wish they'd had mornings opening presents with their little ones, and that people constantly arriving at various times and settling them in really distracted a parent, so I'd be planning quiet time in the morning to do presents with baby, and then expect people to stay until bedtime.

No driving for us, they usually prebook taxi's home which is why I need to communicate a specific time without being rude or it being taken like we can't wait to get rid of them.

yeah I dont get this either, whats wrong with that?

What kind of dickhead thinks its fine to get drunk and disorderly and stay up until all hours when a family has a new baby they'll likely have to get up with in the night.

I don’t think you can tell guests when they need to leave, no. If you feel like that, don’t host

Surely they have the common sense to leave at an appropriate time as you have a baby now? If they're not the thoughtful type then you need to give them a going home time.

Its a tad party pooperish, it's only one eve - they'll all be dead one day, enjoy them now

If they pre-book taxis then absolutely give them an earlier time, and I’d think it’s easier to do so without sounding rude too - “we’re not planning to make an evening party of it this year, so suggest maybe booking taxis for 8.30ish?”

Your example is specific "come to dinner but we have an early start tomorrow". That is absolutely fine but completely different from saying it is the norm for social invitations to come with a fixed end time, as you suggested 👇.

Invitations to come celebrate from X to Y time are the norm, not some wild idea. I took my DC to a birthday party this weekend and none of the guests were offended that it was scheduled from 10am-1pm