Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

I dont think it was mean either and if she hadn't asked at all, then you would have said she was unkind and uncaring. Its not wrong for her to want some time with just her family

Invitations to come celebrate from X to Y time are the norm, not some wild idea. I took my DC to a birthday party this weekend and none of the guests were offended that it was scheduled from 10am-1pm

That was a child's birthday party. It absolutely is not the norm for adults who are inviting family to their homes.

In this case however there is a good reason to cap it early.

This should be easy really. It should be possible to message everyone saying something like 'Really looking forward to you all coming over for Xmas dinner. We're planning to wind things up around 6 this year and have a quiet evening with the kids.'

Could you do something radical and invite them for Christmas breakfast/brunch instead?

That'll mean they get to enjoy the kids' excitement early in the day, all the cooking and eating is done by the middle of the day, and no huge expectations re alcohol...and then everyone can retire to their own sofa later in the day.

I'm no scrooge, I love a party...but when there are kids and a weary mum in the mix sometimes it's good to do things differently!

I'd have wanted to know that I was only invited for part of the day before accepting the invitation. I'd probably have opted to do my own thing for the whole day rather than accept what turned out to be a pity invitation.

Op shouldn't have togo to bed! She wants to relax in her own home after a busy day. Dh can take the party to his parents house if they all wish to carry on drinking where am sure there's no young children.
Yes I would give them a leaving time probably early evening tho not straight after lunch.

It's not at all unreasonable, best to say in advance rather than just bringing them their coats when you had had enough

It's extremely rude to outstay a welcome

You're framing it as pity - thats on you. She may have just thought it would be lovely for you all to have lunch together and then spend time with her family in the evening. If I was invited for lunch, I wouldnt presume I'd still be there at 10pm, I would respect the fact that she might want some time with her family.

It seems rather petty to say "I want to stay for the entire day otherwise I'm not coming"

Text/email/whatever communication you use:

”Hi! Looking forward to seeing everyone at Christmas between 12:00 and 18:00! See you then! 🎄”

can you two not do that any other night?

Xmas for me is about not doing the normal stuff and everyone who is invited over having fun- as host you suck it up or don’t host?

At first I thought YABU because early sounded like 4pm, but I think 8/9pm is a normal time to wind down Xmas dinner and with notice that this is to be the case, can't see how anyone can complain. If it's too late, because they want to be settled somewhere to drink, they can leave earlier.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable, if your husband is on board with the idea and you pre-warn in-laws now. Frame it as being knackered/wanting some time to chill, whichever you think will go down best with I laws.
i personally think having a new baby is reason enough to make changes.

also: no way would I want someone who routinely gets drunk and argumentative in my house at Xmas. Ugh. Sorry you’ve had to deal with that previously

No I think that's very reasonable esp if there's a baby in the house

Of course it’s still the norm. We invited friends to dinner a few weeks ago to celebrate a promotion - they didn’t expect to stay all night because they have decent manners and know that an invitation to dinner is an invitation to dinner.

It’s fine to make invitations a “stay as late as you want” thing, but inviting people over for a specific time frame is also completely fine. And any guest who is angry because someone invited them for the day, prepared and fed them a big holiday meal and snacks, provided drinks, and worked hard to host for “only” 6-8 hours is quite frankly an ungrateful ass.

I don’t understand people saying it’s unreasonable to have a leaving time. Maybe you are all extroverts 😆 some of us have social batteries that run out earlier, and if it’s our house it’s actually torturous if the party goes on…and on…and on.

echoing others who suggest giving the invitation now with a note that due to 2 kids (one a baby), carriages please by 7 so that bathtime and bedtime can happen as normal. My dc needed that routine as a baby/toddler, slept terribly if she got overtired and that messed things up for both of us for days.

I would just say as it's your baby's first Christmas you'll not be having a late night and by 8pm you want a quiet house to yourself. Simple

Your home, your choice. But, it is only one day of the year- and you have invited them. So, I think I'd just play it by ear and go up to bed when you want, leaving the rest of them to it. I wouldn't give them a going home time- you might even enjoy yourself and want to stay up later than you think!
If you do really want to kick them out a certain time, maybe tell them you're booking taxis in advance so everyone can enjoy a drink, taxis picking up at 7pm or whatever time suits.
Have a lovely time, whatever you decide.

Yes, I think that’s perfectly fine. It’s just being considerate and managing expectations for this year. If they need to book taxis, it’s appropriate to make sure they know when the best time to book them is. Right after dinner, though, seems rude and abrupt. But when your baby goes up to bed seems the right time to say good night to everyone as surely you and Dh will be doing bath and bedtime to a degree and starting to settle down for the evening. All well and good for guests to want to party til midnight, but they won’t be up at 6am, will they?

I think just say, ‘Little Bobby normally goes up to bed at 7:30pm, so let’s get your taxi booked for then so we can properly see you off before we get stuck doing bedtime’. Or they can host and you can be the ones to make an early evening exit.

OP, I dont know why being brought up in the 90s is relevant?! Boozy problematic family Christmases were a thing way before that!

The answer is simple. Just point out that as you now have a baby your routine has changed so you will be doing lunch at Xpm and they are welcome to stay until Ypm when you will be putting the baby down for the night. You are sure they’ll understand, really pleased you can spend baby’s first Xmas together etc etc. Bright and breezy.

If you get any push back comments just say . “ Well this is what we have decided will work for us “ ad infinitum

@mindutopia Great minds think alike!

Not the norm where I live. Not for your own parents on Christmas day! It's a very special day for most people, where the usual rules go out the window- up at 4am, selection boxes and bucks fizz for breskfast etc
A children's party is a completely different scenario. You need to actually pick your child up, often from a hired venue!

You're fine to set whatever boundaries you like, it's your home.

But agree I'd just go to bed early and leave them to it- and I say that as someone whose social battery also depletes quickly. You can watch a Christmas film with a hot chocolate any other night.

Petty? No, it's about clarity.

It seems more petty to exclude certain guests from part of the day. I honestly can't imagine inviting someone for only part of Christmas Day. They're either welcome or they're not.

Surely anyone with common sense realises that a couple who now have a baby aren't going to be up for guests into the small hours?

Are yours then only kids coming? Having your SS have to spend the evening alone playing video games to avoid a very adult gathering sounds a bit shit and anticlimactic to me. Your DH only gets to spend alternate Christmases with his child, he should be expecting to spend the evening with him. Banished upstairs while the rellys get loud and awful sounds hideous. But I hate drunk people!