Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

[Threetrees745]

Just that really? We are hosting both sets of grandparents and youngest in the house isn't even a year old yet.
I just think by the evening I'll be really tired after a morning of excitement with the kids then cooking and hosting.

Last time we hosted, our parents didn't leave until nearly midnight and it was very much a party atmosphere with lots of alcohol and music on loud after dinner. My social battery definitely doesn't last as long as my husband's and while I enjoyed it, I was glad when they finally left.

I just feel that I would like a more calm, child centric Christmas this year since we have a baby so I was thinking of asking people if they could book taxis home shortly after dinner. I think my parents would be OK with this and I can be honest with them but my in laws are they type to take offence, especially my MIL as she will take it that she isn't wanted at all.

So am I unreasonable to give everyone a "home time"?

I swear this thread is divided into considerate guests and CF guests 😂

I notice not many CF guests are saying if you’re invited to mine, stay as long as you like. They’re the ones saying don’t host then, I wouldn’t come, let your DH party on…😂

I don't think that's old-fashioned at all, and ideally you would.
If my social battery runs out at 5pm when he/the party can run until 11pm, it's reasonable he might want to stay longer and that's fine. Or you may work out a suitable middle ground.

Or maybe it's considerate hosts ?

But if you’re up early with a baby, then you’re cooking Christmas lunch/dinner for a big group, and being social as well as being mum, that’s exhausting! Not to mention that it’s dismaying to get up the next morning and find the mess and washing up from last night awaiting you. Perfectly reasonable to enjoy the company during the day but also want to tidy up and wind down in pyjamas before going to bed- it makes everything so much less fraught. Planning to include too much never ends well here, but it’s a lesson I’ve admittedly been slow to learn- fair play to OP to go for a day she can manage and that won’t bring its own hangover of resentment and recriminations on Boxing Day.

That's a lovely idea but out of the 6 adults we are hosting, all of them love a good drink and drink regularly. It's only 1 person out of the 6 that causes an atmosphere after one too many (and they can never remember it the next day) so it feels a shame to restrict every one else's enjoyment because of one individual. I would also like to have a few drinks once baby is down for the night too.

I host most Christmases. I never kick anyone out, so people stay as long as they like.
Boxing Day is mine though, so everyone knows I'm neither hosting nor visiting on that day.

YANBU. Ask your husband to handle the comms with his family. Sounds like your parents will be ok with it. I would possibly ask them to help you set the scene when the day comes too I.e. 5.30 'thank you daughter and sil it's been a lovely day, we'd better start making a move so you can enjoy some family time on your baby's first xmas'.

Its just 1 day. I would designate Boxing Day as total Us in PJs day. I would forewarn guests that you may be retiring up to bed as understandably more knackered with baby etc...but they are welcome to stay but quietly please.

I can’t imagine doing this. It’s really miserable and unwelcoming.

Why not take yourself off to bed if you’re very tired and let your guests enjoy themselves?

Make a (jokey but not jokey) invitation and put 'Carriages at ....pm' on the bottom.

Surely with 2 kids in the house at least 1 person needs to remain sober? And by sober I mean under the legal driving limit

I think it is totally reasonable! If you'd said you were worried about hosting on your baby's first christmas, I feel most posters would have advised you to set a time to leave as a compromise but as you've suggested that, everyone is telling you you are unreasonable! 🙃I would just say something in advance like "'please come from X until Y when we will be getting in our pjs 😁"

There's nothing wrong with setting new expectations this year as everything's different with kids in the picture, especially a baby. Perhaps eat earlier so guests still have a fair amount of time to relax afterwards.
Hard bitten socialisers/drinkers may take exception but they can move the party to their house if they want. Don't set a precedent of doing all the hosting - you may come to resent it! Reasonable people will be understanding.

No one will be driving. It will be taxis there and back for our guests.

It seems eminently reasonable to me to let everyone know in advance a rough timetable. An early Christmas dinner with the expectation that an all night party is not in the offing.

At a certain point a final round of cups of tea could be arranged and there could be the handing out of doggy/party bags with a couple of mince pies, kazoos and Christmas stocking fripperies. Andrea Bocelli singing Time to Say Goodbye in the background, an optional extra.

Usher them out on a cloud of fluffy but firm good will!

@Berlinlover I don't think this is mean at all. She invited you for "Cmas dinner" not "Cmas day!" And is entitled to some time alone with her parents after having a friend over.

If you expanded the invitation in your own mind to mean the whole day, that's on you. She didn't say that.

Blimey - poor kid banished to his bedroom on Christmas Day! Put baby down at 7, crack open a child friendly game, drinks and quality street then once the game is over, it should be a natural time to leave.

I think this is the one, tbh. Can you designate Boxing Day or Christmas Eve for this and go with the flow on Christmas Day?

I genuinely think you yourself might find that approach less stressful that trying to awkwardly herd people out earlier than they'd naturally be inclined to go too. And it avoids any potential bad feeling.

If you think you can do that, after a certain time on Christmas Day (after lunch?), institute an "open fridge" policy where everyone serves themselves food and drink like it's their own home (i.e. you stop "hosting"), stick a film on and snuggle up with your DH. Let everything else unfold around you!

You are the ones hosting so you set the timings, do NOT get bullied into hosting a late night party on Christmas day that you don't want, if you do it this one time now you have a baby you will be pressured to do it every time 'well you did it last year no problem' etc, NOW is the easiest time to change things around and set the precedent going forward.

Saying that though, I do think you need to think about your husband and what he enjoys though, if he is away half the year, and he enjoys getting drunk with his family and having a party as a one off then that's fine, there's no reason why he can't, I think you need to climb down off the 'both leaving together' idea now you have a baby, you don't both need to look after the baby at the same time, so you need to consider that he may want a bit of a break from responsibility and forcing him to leave a party and spend time with you when he does that for half the year is a bit unnecessary IMO, if he would do the same for you, then you should have no problem doing that for him.

Change into pyjamas?

Wtf? So rather than guests having the common courtesy to leave at a decent hour, the hostess has to be banished upstairs in her own home, on Christmas Day? Seriously?

There is no law that says hosting Christmas Day = being obliged to allow guests to get pissed and stay all evening. And it is most definitely not inhospitable to put an end time to the proceedings.

OP- use this year with your new baby as the time to change the format. Tell everyone you're looking forward to hosting but will be winding things up at 7pm (or whatever time). You could also suggest that one of them hosts the evening 'do', if they all want to carry on.

We had the same dilemma as you, as we are always the party venue, but since having a baby we don't set the time everyone leaves, but as soon as the baby was in bed, people are welcome to stay but all loud music is off and we play games etc instead, it's just something you have to do as a parent, you have to adapt, and everyone got straight on board with our new way of doing things, it's not caused any bad feeling etc.

I personally love that time of night, when all the stress of the day is over, and as hosts you're responsibility is over, so making people leave at that point seems quite inhospitable to me, but that might just be me!

Make boxing day your day to be together as a little family instead.

And yes, if one of you is getting bladdered than the other needs to stay (mostly) sober.

If they prebook taxis that is your obvious chance to give them a finishing-up time. So what if the MIL takes offence? Let her.
But the message about when they need to leave needs to come from both you and DH as a united front.

Hi op I would just be blunt about it. Send them all a text now saying ‘Hi everyone! Just wanted to let you know timings for Christmas Day —we're planning to start at 12.30pm and wrap things up at 8pm for kids bedtime so please can you plan your taxis for that time. Looking forward to seeing you all and enjoying the day’
It’s your house - your rules (as long as DH is happy too)

That's perfect. Everyone knows where they stand with that.