SAHM + Nanny

[Namechang3ds]

I’d be very grateful for some non judgemental views. I’ll start by saying that where we live in central London - Nannie’s are very popular!

I have two children who have a one year age gap exactly. So I am still in maternity leave with my second. Given the close age gap, we have a lovely nanny who is very much part of our family. She is really lovely and I look forward to seeing her everyday.

She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes and also taking care of them both so I can go to the gym etc.

I am really happy with my arrangement and we financially can afford it. But I went to a friends birthday over the weekend, and people looked at me with shock/confusion that I do not currently work (but I will go back in 6m) and also have a nanny. I didn’t disclose this info to them quickly but when it slipped into conversation it made me feel almost guilty…that I should be doing this with them both myself rather than having someone to help

Sorry for rambling it just got me down. But the way I see it is that she is lovely, it makes my life easier and I am happy! And I can afford it. It just made me feel bad.

What’s it to do with anyone else?
you get no medals for doing it on your own

The comments were mainly along the lines of “oh I had 3 under 3 and I didn’t need a nanny” and some rather rude ones along the lines of the fact I outsource my parenting!

People are jealous. That's all.

A toddler and a baby would make any SAHP go crazy. Anyone would love a nanny but few can afford it. Just enjoy it.

So you're actually on mat leave not a SAHM? YANBU if you let her go for months on end she would get another job and there's no guarantee you'd get another of her calibre very quickly!

Not all that different really to keeping older toddler children in childcare settings whilst on maternity really, and that’s commonplace enough.

To confirm when I go back to work she will be staying to look after both whilst I’m in the office. I’d never just abandon her!

Well this is surely just the equivalent of keeping the 1st born child in nursery when on mat leave with the 2nd?
Loads of people do it because they don't want to lose the place when there's such long waiting lists.

What would you do in 6 months when you return to work if you'd let the nanny go?

That’s what I thought!

It's not unusual for older siblings to carry on going to nursery even when Mum is on maternity leave with the baby, keeping the Nanny is a similar situation surely?

You probably need new friends!

Nobody elses business

Re other comments about sustaining childcare - what you are doing is very sensible and ensures the same, consistent childcare when you go back to work. It’s a win win for everyone in your family. YADNBU.

Nobody's business but yours, I'd have especially loved a night nanny with mine as newborns.

Yes that's what I'm saying! You'd be mad to get rid of a nanny for mat leave when you will definitely need her again afterwards. Just enjoy the help and screw other people.

I was a nanny for years and I think your situation is very normal, particularly if you are planning to return to work.
Your ‘friends’ sound jealous or clueless or both.

They shouldn’t be so judgmental. It’s actually good for both DC to get some one on one attention which you wouldn’t be able to give if you had them both at home by yourself all week. I kept my dds nursery place whilst I was on maternity leave with my second DC, it wouldn’t have been worse for all of us if I hadn’t kept sending her. This was very common in my baby group circles, everyone kept their childcare for their older DCs whilst on mat leave.

It's jealousy

Fortunately these are more friends of friends! 😂! Most I have never met!

Their main shock was that I go out and have time for myself some days eg swimming.

People don't judge having gardeners, cleaners, using food services etc...

But judge childcare.

You can afford it, your on Maternity leave with a young baby... it seems logical.

You're setting your kids a good example - one (especially women) can't "do it all" and you need help.

Thank you all. It got me really down as they made it seem I wasn’t parenting my kids and outsourcing it all. When she helps me and ultimately my DDs are SO happy! Well as happy as a teething toddler and newborn can be..!!

Don't rise to thier comments.

I personally think it sounds like the best option for child development. A non exhausted mother, a qualified professional and consistent chikdcare from the outset. Sounds very child centred.

You monster, fancy going swimming...😂

Thank you for this, it made me smile.

Well they can fuck off. I bet they wouldn’t say that if you were a man, taking time to yourself whilst your wife was at home.

you’re taking time to look after your physical and mental health, not off snorting cocaine in a Wetherspoon’s loo.