SAHM + Nanny

[Namechang3ds]

I’d be very grateful for some non judgemental views. I’ll start by saying that where we live in central London - Nannie’s are very popular!

I have two children who have a one year age gap exactly. So I am still in maternity leave with my second. Given the close age gap, we have a lovely nanny who is very much part of our family. She is really lovely and I look forward to seeing her everyday.

She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes and also taking care of them both so I can go to the gym etc.

I am really happy with my arrangement and we financially can afford it. But I went to a friends birthday over the weekend, and people looked at me with shock/confusion that I do not currently work (but I will go back in 6m) and also have a nanny. I didn’t disclose this info to them quickly but when it slipped into conversation it made me feel almost guilty…that I should be doing this with them both myself rather than having someone to help

Sorry for rambling it just got me down. But the way I see it is that she is lovely, it makes my life easier and I am happy! And I can afford it. It just made me feel bad.

Yes agree with this.

fwiw I know 2 sahms who have 2 children with nannies, neither are on maternity leave but one nanny is part time. Good for them imo!

I know right! Sometimes even the steam room after!!

This is what I was thinking.

You do it your way OP. I am sure lots of people will say "I had 3 and didn't have a nanny" but was that a choice they actively made or just couldn't afford one?

If you can afford it and it makes your life easier then it's good. And if you are keeping her after you go back to work then it makes perfect sense for the kids to have a long handover to get used to her while you are still very present.

If it makes you feel better, I kept DS in full time nursery when I went on mat with DD, even though I ultimately quit my job and didn't go back to any paid work for another 6 months (when DD was 18m).

I worked as a Nanny for 20 years (lots in central London) and the families always kept me on whilst the Mum was on Maternity leave. If you have a great Nanny that you would like to keep long-term then you would be mad to let her go while you are on maternity leave (and can afford it). I also worked full-time for a family for five years where the Mum didn’t work. None of my business to judge anyone.

Ignore any friend who criticises you for it. Completely your decision. Probably just jealous that they couldn’t afford to do it. I’ll be 100% honest I would have loved the help when my own kids were young but couldn’t afford it. Ignore what anyone else thinks and you do whatever is right for your family.

Luçky you.

Another voice saying - you are not a SAHM. You are on Mat leave.
I didn’t take my older kids out of nursery when on Mat leave with youngest, this is the same principle. You would loose your space. Your ‘friends’ are being ridiculous. Also fuck them. As PP said, no medals awarded here.

I will say YABU because you aren't a SAHM though.

I agree that a lot of people keep their older child in nursery while on mat leave and this is not really any different.

But I was a bit taken aback when one of my NCT group got a nanny while on mat leave - I guess partly because of the cost side of things and partly because I personally would find it super awkward to be with the nanny all day, but I am an introvert!

I do slightly judge the SAHM I know who has one child in 8-6 nursery 5 days a week, a weekend nanny and evening babysitters 3-4 evenings a week.. that does edge into being a bit weird to me

I raised 3 under 5 by myself as a SAHM & I was stressed as fuck. If I could have afforded it a nanny would have been an absolute god send. They’re jealous, that’s all.

You're not a SAHM though are you? You're on MAT leave.

I'm sat here MANIFESTING this kind of life problem 😄😄

It's fine girl, people are just jealous and lashing out. If they could switch places with you, they would in a heartbeat!

Kids need a mum who is sane and happy and it sounds like your nanny is a fantastic help ❤️

Keep going, living a good life and just ignore them!

My life plan is literally to work hard enough to be able to live in westminster, central London with my little girl, a la bridget jones 🥰🥰

I don’t see logic in firing a nanny then finding a new one. Esp if use an agency, you would not save much money.
The remedy- just smile & change the subject. Pity those people who can’t control what comes out of their mouths.

You have weird, judgmental friends.

1. It's absolutely fine to get whatever help you want when you have a child/children.
2. If you let her go while you were on mat leave there is a high chance she'd get another job, which would mean that you'd have to find someone else when you go back to work. This would be especially hard on your eldest who's had to adjust to having mummy again not nanny, then sharing mummy with a sibling, then having no more mummy, but a new nanny (who he also has to share). I'd definately keep the nanny if I could afford it.

Bit of jealousy that's all. Perhaps they were a bit shocked you can afford it. Personally I didn't put either of mine into childcare but again my choice

They're jealous. It happens everywhere, at every level of social class.

When we were in a rougher area, I got stick for, believe it or not, buying pre-chopped veggies instead of doing it myself!

Now, I've just hired a housekeeper for a few hours a day and DSs friends parents seem outraged and very curious 😂 My real friends of course are happy for me that life is getting a little easier.

So many people seem focused on a race to the bottom and making parenthood as hard as humanly possible!

They’re just jealous. Use as much help as you can afford. A one year age gap is hardcore

You're building a relationship between your children and the nanny so it will be a smooth transition when you do go back to work. They are jealous

I am a huge extrovert and love chatting to her all day 😂!

It’s fine! Do what works for you and others can do what works for them.

Thank you for this!

I did raise the nursery point but they said it’s fine due to “socialising” but my DD gets plenty of that just with her nanny and nanny friends!!

No one has time to be cutting butternut squash!!

I suppose it’s made me feel I ought to be spending all my time with both kids rather than having some time to myself when she has them?

If you can afford it my goodness why not.
That nanny is probably replacing what grandma's and aunts and whoever would have helped out with in the past.

I was a sahm for 10 years if I could have afforded a nanny it would have been amazing.
The perfect set up! The children are always with me but there is that extra pair of hands and most importantly eyes.
Also with two dc so close in age there is no way I would have coped alone.
You do what is right for you op and your children.

Why would you lose a good nanny and have to go to the trouble and expense of hiring a new nanny for the sake of 6 months, during which most parents could do with a bit of extra help anyway (the newborn phase)? Given you can easily afford her to stay, why would you make life much more difficult for your family (including your older DC) in this way?