SAHM + Nanny

[Namechang3ds]

I’d be very grateful for some non judgemental views. I’ll start by saying that where we live in central London - Nannie’s are very popular!

I have two children who have a one year age gap exactly. So I am still in maternity leave with my second. Given the close age gap, we have a lovely nanny who is very much part of our family. She is really lovely and I look forward to seeing her everyday.

She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes and also taking care of them both so I can go to the gym etc.

I am really happy with my arrangement and we financially can afford it. But I went to a friends birthday over the weekend, and people looked at me with shock/confusion that I do not currently work (but I will go back in 6m) and also have a nanny. I didn’t disclose this info to them quickly but when it slipped into conversation it made me feel almost guilty…that I should be doing this with them both myself rather than having someone to help

Sorry for rambling it just got me down. But the way I see it is that she is lovely, it makes my life easier and I am happy! And I can afford it. It just made me feel bad.

Its no different to keeping the older child in childcare while on maternity leave. And being able to have time to yourself is no different to grandparents, aunts and uncles etc doing childcare while parents do a spa day, date night, go to the gym etc etc. Loads of people near me regularly get time to themselves at least weekly to do this. Its no different to you having the nanny.

They are as jealous as sin. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.

You and your family are happy with your nanny who you trust and who you describe as a member of your family.

You know when they say if something is not broke, don't fix it.........well just keep things as they are because its working for your family and its nothing to do with any one else.

It wouldn’t be for me because I would not like someone else in my personal space (other than my husband) but it’s moot anyway because I couldn’t afford it! However, you do what works for you and your family - certainly makes it easier for your toddler to enjoy activities that are unsuitable for a baby. And gives you chance to have one on one time with both children. People always love an opinion but just ignore it!

I'd have definitely done this if I could afforded it. I still sent my eldest to nursery when my dc2 was born though as I found a toddler and a baby so tough.

Thank you everyone. You’ve reassured me and I ought to not listen to these ppl! Perhaps is jealousy. As they had nothing against nursery!

No different to sending te older one to nursery whilst on maternity leave. Which I did, and plenty others I know do.

And do they want a medal.

You can afford help.
That's what money is for.

We can never stop what people think of us but we can manage how we react. So many people will have an opinion but what they think really doesn't matter a jot. Clearly people are jealous of your life. It's a them problem for sure!

Ignore, ignore, ignore OP. I had a nanny when I had a toddler and a baby and on mat leave for 14 months. I had the odd snide remark from my MIL but it isn’t a race to the bottom. If it’s what you want then stuff what anyone else thinks!

Who wouldn’t want an extra pair of hands when looking after 2 little ones??

Keep the nanny get new friends.
I’d imagine as you and the nanny have both been caring for the children you’ll have a smoother transition when you return to work. To the children life won’t be really different. Win/ win all round.

You aren’t a SAHM, your on maternity leave and it would be madness to let your nanny go just for maternity leave.

My DS went to nursery full time when I was on maternity leave with my twins.

Only you know if you have quality time with your DC

its no one else’s business.

a really good nanny is like hens teeth, if I was in your position I would totally keep the nanny, as you are going back to work. Your DC will bond with them as well as with you, they are a primary care giver. Keep the nanny and enjoy, being aware of your privilege.

kids at that age don’t need to ‘socialise’ in nursery, they can get plenty in activities with you/ DH/ the nanny. They will get plenty when older at school. Nurseries at that age are purely to enable parents to work.

id of been delighted to be in your position and would only be happy for friends to be able to do that. Perhaps a bit of envy, but that’s my problem not theirs

I'd judge you more for using an apostrophe in "nannie's".

It's a very common attitude. I think it's lovely to have someone help you parent during the day, so much easier to deal with toddler tantrums with another caring adult.

They are just jealous bastards!

It’s nobody else’s business, you do what suits you and what you can afford.

I don't think it's necessarily always jealousy, but it is judgmental. I personally don't find the idea of a nanny attractive, it wouldn't be something I'd be jealous of, but I wouldn't judge another woman for choosing to have one. Everyone is different. There are accommodations and choices I make in my life for my needs that other people don't understand. That's fine, we all have our own unique lives.

OP women get judged whatever they do. It's none of their business. Hope this will cheer you up

Pretty sure 99% of woman with a toddler and newborn would be very very happy to have a nanny around to help. They absolutely would do this if they were in a position to be able to.
Just being able to go to the gym while on maternity leave is amazing enough!

I'm jealous...... and so are the people you refer to as friends

I think anyone with a real issue is probably jealous if you really dig down. I had 2u2 and really struggled some days. I have no recollection of a lot of that period of time and remember crying at soft plays and in car parks because it was just too hard and I just felt so shit and so guilty. If a nanny had been an option, especially a person I really liked and fitted into the family I wouldn't even have hesitated

Pffttt ... enjoy your lifestyle and your nanny and ignore any mean comments. Honestly, it's none of people's business but I can totally relate. I have had a nanny on and off for a total of 6 years and I very rarely mention i have a nanny because people just have unhealthy curiosity and a lot of opinions on a situation they have nothing to do with. It's your life and your choice ... also it's your money and you decide how to spend them!

So you're employing someone who you like, giving them a lovely job, bringing more joy/love into your children's lives, remaining less stressed and enjoying your peace?

Sounds dreadful! 😂

I'm envious, if I had the money I'd pay someone to just answer the questions my dc seem to need to constantly ask me.

'But why mummy?', 'why?', 'whhhyyyyyy?'

Everyone I know kept their older toddler in nursery to not lose their place, to keep them in the same routine and to have one on one time with their baby like they did with the first. Same thing. Crack on!

You aren’t a SAHM, you’re on maternity leave.

Firing your nanny for the period of maternity leave is a lot of hassle if you can afford to avoid it.

Everyone I know kept their older child in nursery when on mat leave - maybe dropped a day or two.

Finding the right childcare is a total pain in the arse.