Page 14 | SAHM + Nanny

Namechang3ds · 2024-11-17T14:57:44+00:00

I’d be very grateful for some non judgemental views. I’ll start by saying that where we live in central London - Nannie’s are very popular! I have two children who have a one year age gap exactly. So I am still in maternity leave with my second. Given the close age gap, we have a lovely nanny who is very much part of our family. She is really lovely and I look forward to seeing her everyday. She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes and also taking care of them both so I can go to the gym etc. I am really happy with my arrangement and we financially can afford it. But I went to a friends birthday over the weekend, and people looked at me with shock/confusion that I do not currently work (but I will go back in 6m) and also have a nanny. I didn’t disclose this info to them quickly but when it slipped into conversation it made me feel almost guilty…that I should be doing this with them both myself rather than having someone to help Sorry for rambling it just got me down. But the way I see it is that she is lovely, it makes my life easier and I am happy! And I can afford it. It just made me feel bad.

TheEveningSun · 18/11/2024 23:16

I work two days per week when my DD (2.5yo) is in the nursery and my son in school. On other 4 days I have a housekeeper/nanny to do all the jobs I don’t want to do so I can spend time with my DD - play dates, activities or 1:1. She also looks after my DD when I need my hair or nails done, do my work out. It makes our lives so much easier and we’re so lucky we can afford it. Why wouldn’t I use help if I can? All my friends think it’s great I can do it. My mum was a bit judgmental at the start but she’s ok with that now. I’m not hurting anyone, my children get a happier mummy, I play with them after school instead of doing housework, etc. You don’t get a Nobel prize for “doing it all by yourself”. F@ck the jealous haters!

Feelinadequate23 · 18/11/2024 23:18

They are jealous. I’d have killed for a nanny whilst on mat leave! Used to fantasise about it all the time! 😂

do whatever’s best for your family and ignore all other opinions!

Original poster

Namechang3ds · 18/11/2024 23:30

TheEveningSun · 18/11/2024 23:16

I work two days per week when my DD (2.5yo) is in the nursery and my son in school. On other 4 days I have a housekeeper/nanny to do all the jobs I don’t want to do so I can spend time with my DD - play dates, activities or 1:1. She also looks after my DD when I need my hair or nails done, do my work out. It makes our lives so much easier and we’re so lucky we can afford it. Why wouldn’t I use help if I can? All my friends think it’s great I can do it. My mum was a bit judgmental at the start but she’s ok with that now. I’m not hurting anyone, my children get a happier mummy, I play with them after school instead of doing housework, etc. You don’t get a Nobel prize for “doing it all by yourself”. F@ck the jealous haters!

❤️

OP posts:

Horses7 · 18/11/2024 23:34

Lucky you - enjoy!
I wish I could have had a nanny whilst on maternity leave. Please don’t feel guilty at all.
plus you’re giving someone a job - its win win!

Loudhousefun · 19/11/2024 15:22

I would have loved this setup- good for you for organising and enjoy the me time too. 100 percent the judgemental views are coming from a place of envy…..ignore and make some new friends.

Rosebudwater · 19/11/2024 15:39

Namechang3ds · 17/11/2024 15:25

I suppose it’s made me feel I ought to be spending all my time with both kids rather than having some time to myself when she has them?

Get used to this feeling OP- it's the hallmark of motherhood! The more years I'm into parenting, the more I realize that it's a massive exercise in knowing your own limits, whatever they may be. Think there is this bizarre attitude where if things are the hardest they can possibly be, then you're not trying hard enough/a good enough mother/ don't love your kids. It's really hard to shake that, I hadn't realized how much I'd taken on that message throughout life.
I was genuinely shocked when I had my own kids that actually I needed time for myself to be able to function. I had terribly PND and exercise and fun with friends helped get me out of it.
You don't need to feel guilty for anything, but lots of mothers do. The best thing you can do for your kids is to know your limits, know what keeps you well and happy

Original poster

Namechang3ds · 19/11/2024 16:15

Rosebudwater · 19/11/2024 15:39

Get used to this feeling OP- it's the hallmark of motherhood! The more years I'm into parenting, the more I realize that it's a massive exercise in knowing your own limits, whatever they may be. Think there is this bizarre attitude where if things are the hardest they can possibly be, then you're not trying hard enough/a good enough mother/ don't love your kids. It's really hard to shake that, I hadn't realized how much I'd taken on that message throughout life.
I was genuinely shocked when I had my own kids that actually I needed time for myself to be able to function. I had terribly PND and exercise and fun with friends helped get me out of it.
You don't need to feel guilty for anything, but lots of mothers do. The best thing you can do for your kids is to know your limits, know what keeps you well and happy

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Thank you for this. It’s so true, often it’s people weirdly boasting how difficult everything is. I’m glad you found ways to help with your PND. Xx

OP posts:

thecherryfox · 19/11/2024 16:30

If you can afford it, it’s your life - you’re entitled to do what you want. But it really makes me sad as I’m physically disabled and a single parent. My son has severe autism and I have to continue struggling each day because I cannot afford to pay for a cleaner, nanny, any type of help at all. I physically am in agonising pain and just have to ‘get on with it’ myself. Whilst people with money can have their life made very easy despite fully being capable of doing it themselves. And I know there are so many people in my situation too. Just sad that money makes everything easier for people.

AmIEnough · 22/11/2024 07:30

I think it sounds like a fabulous arrangement! Also, if you have managed to find a nanny that you and your children are both comfortable with then it’s a massive win-win! It’s nobody else’s business what you do and if you can afford it and you are still managing to spend enough time with your children then I would say crack on and ignore people. They are probably jealous!