Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People with more than one child, be honest…

245 replies

Behionest · 16/11/2024 14:52

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 16/11/2024 14:56

I think if you only have DS 1.5 days a week by yourself (assuming your DP coparents at the weekends) and you feel it’s tricky and full on, you might be wise to think hard.

I personally didn’t find it too bad to step up to having two. My life had already changed so much when had DD1, plus DD2 was a really easy baby and my exH was very hands on.

BrightLemonShark · 16/11/2024 14:58

I was a SAHM when mine were this age so my experience is different re nursery/days together.

However, I found our second child slipped easily into our routine and obviously it is much less of a change than going from a couple to a family when you have your first.

Bettergetthebunker · 16/11/2024 14:58

I have three and I’m very grateful for them all. It’s lovely to watch them support each other

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 16/11/2024 14:58

I'd say it's impossible to know. My first was a very easy child, sunny and happy and then when he was 19 months I had his sister. She was one of those 'if this had been my first I'd never have had another' babies - never slept and cried for about nine months solid.

So I'd say go ahead if you are happy with whatever you get, because you just don't know until they arrive.

Bearbookagainandagain · 16/11/2024 14:58

My second is an easier baby, it's still way harder than with one. I got pregnant with the second before we had too much time to think about it though 😂maybe if we had reached the toddler age, we would have reconsidered 😅

There is always one that needs attention (fall, lose their toy, want milk, is hungry, need a nappy change etc etc), and on top of it they spend their time fighting to get the same toy, or the eldest is standing on top of the youngest, or the youngest snatch the car out of the eldest hands and run away... They are unstoppable!

I'm just patiently waiting for them to grow up! (And then I'll miss it I'm sure)

And we're still thinking about a third 😱

ChocolateSpider · 16/11/2024 14:59

i have 4 but if i had my time again i would only have 1

Trumptonagain · 16/11/2024 15:00

Honest perspectives please!

At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings

Based on your own written comments above, I think having two would be hard work for you.

Lo0opy · 16/11/2024 15:00

I have three and the first year of adding a newborn is chaos. But then the next 70ish years of loving them is really really wonderful. Take a step back - what will dinner be like with another child to play with? A young person to chat to? It's a big picture thing.

Anewuser · 16/11/2024 15:01

Agree with @Vroomfondleswaistcoat

First child was easy, second one slipped into our life easily, third child was severely disabled. Had he have been the first, he’d have been an only child.

If you find one tricky, I’d stick with what you have (and be grateful).

SillyQuail · 16/11/2024 15:02

My eldest is also quite full on, and so is his little bro but in a different way (they're 4 and 22months now so smaller age gap). In all honesty, the first year when their needs are very different was really tough, but we don't have any grandparents or other family support although we did have a good nursery. I find it hardest making time for one on one time with the eldest and I think we both miss that, but they also play a lot together. I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the chance again - in fact I wish I was younger so I could have another one! But I think you do have to be prepared for your entire life to be about the kids for a few years and just enjoy that for what it is.

Foxybyname · 16/11/2024 15:02

I would never have wanted my DC to not have a sibling. Ever. All the 'trickiness' and 'hard work' pale in to insignificance.

13 months between my 2 and I wouldn't change a thing.

I would recommend looking forward and thinking of you would have any regrets that your DS didn't have any siblings. Your answer will then shape your decision.

MorettiForMargo · 16/11/2024 15:03

Can't you push back TTC for 6 months, then DC1 will be 4 and presumably either starting school or in school already while you are on Mat leave.

One is much easier, but one in school and one at home is also easier than one part time in nursery and one at home.

But...time passes and it gets easier either way.

Pigsmightfly1902 · 16/11/2024 15:04

I had one, went for a second, ended up with twins! Just under two year apart. It was carnage and exhausting a few years but of course I wouldn’t change anything …. Except maybe a little bit more sleep would have been nice.

Another option is to wait until your eldest starts school/just about to start school and so you have time to give to the newborn without the demands of a toddler too.

Waitingfordoggo · 16/11/2024 15:04

Going from one to two didn't really double the work for me. My first DC was a fractious baby- she didn't eat or sleep well and cried a LOT. 2nd DC was a very different baby. He slept and ate well and was the sort of baby you could forget was in the room because he would happily sit in a bouncer chair or lie on a mat staring at things for ages. He was a biddable toddler too- unlike DC1 who was a tantrum queen.

At first, I did find the logistics of getting out the house and going somewhere stressful. Packing up a bag with everything we'd need and getting them both in the car, buggy in the boot etc all seemed to take ages at first, but it got easier quickly.

If my second DC had been as tricky as the first, it would have been a different ballgame though so it's a bit of a lottery!

DustyLee123 · 16/11/2024 15:05

Please don’t have another baby for your child, it has to be you that wants it. Siblings don’t always get on.

AllYearsAround · 16/11/2024 15:06

I have 3 older/teen children now and honestly look back fondly on the baby years now.
But it's very full on, always something to do and incredibly expensive!

Thatcastlethere · 16/11/2024 15:07

Genuinely found having one hardest. Now have 3 abd it can be hard but nothing approaching my first.
For me it was the amount of guilt and pressure. And just the change from having no kids to having one.
Now I have 3 they play together, the eldest helps me with some chores.. I feel less guilt and pressure to be one child's everything.

BrightLemonShark · 16/11/2024 15:07

DustyLee123 · 16/11/2024 15:05

Please don’t have another baby for your child, it has to be you that wants it. Siblings don’t always get on.

The vast vast majority of the time well brought up ones in functional families do.

heartbroken22 · 16/11/2024 15:07

With that age gap it's a bit more manageable than a 2 year age gap...

But 2 to 3 is hell with a small age gap.

I'd say go for it I had a 3 year 9 month age gap. It was harder but got much easier once eldest started reception in a few months

LeavesTrees · 16/11/2024 15:08

2 is very different to one. I found parenthood really, really easy until I had 2. I was one of those smug people who thought I was a natural mum, that soon changed! 🤣
I love that they have each other and I’m glad I had 2, but when I have just one with me, it’s like a totally different world.

GreyCarpet · 16/11/2024 15:08

There are 7 years between mine and it was a piece of piss tbh.

I wouldn't have had less than 6 years between them. 7 was perfect.

That's my honest experience.

Gardendiary · 16/11/2024 15:09

Not through choice, but my first was at school by the time I had my second and I would highly recommend this if you are someone who doesn't cope brilliantly (as am I btw). Things like naps and having a bit of downtime were so much easier and there was no jealousy.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 16/11/2024 15:09

Have you spoken to your in-laws about what if any support they'd be willing to give if you had two young children? Don't go in to it just expecting they'll step up.
Also at any point they may no longer be able or willing to help. Never take them for granted. Regularly check in with them to make sure they're happy. Assure them that if they want to step back at any point they absolutely should.

Have you always had their support? Do you have periods where you have your son 24/7? If not then I would advise you start by doing that, to see how you cope with that. I don't mean forever! I mean have a week or two where it's just you and see how you do.

Going from one to 2 is more tiring of course and I think you need to be as best prepared for that as possible.

Frowningprovidence · 16/11/2024 15:10

I found 1 easy and 2 hard. I find people who found 1 hard seemed to adjust to 2 better than people who found 1 easy if that makes sense.

Delorian · 16/11/2024 15:11

We have a 4 year gap which is perfect as dc1 started school when dc2 was born so dc1 had their own thing going on, wasn't around to be jealous of me spending time with dc2. Dc2 got my mat leave with just me really.

It's hard with work though, DH and I work full time and 2 x clubs, plays, sports days, medical appointments, birthday parties etc takes a lot of juggling but we do make it work.