People with more than one child, be honest…

[Behionest]

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

In some respects it's true. By necessity the third has to make do with the established rhythm of a home but it is an exaggeration to suggest that they are all particularly happy about it.

Honestly no. Going from 1 to 2 is so much easier than going from 0 to 1. But that's my personal experience, everyone finds parenting different.

DS was almost 3 when DD was born, he's also autistic so can at times be more challenging than a neurotypical child but for me it was a breeze.
We have no support, no family to have even one of them for an afternoon. It's mentally exhausting but that's parenting, no matter how many children you have

Totally depends on the child too, my third was in and out of hospital for the first two years and because I had 2 others under the age of 6 it made life incredibly difficult and stressful, I also became a single parent while she was a baby, she did the absolute opposite of slotting right in 😂

I think if you find own hard with so much support stop at one.

1 to 2 was much harder than 2 to 3.

Going from one toddler who can kinda at least tell you want they want to a toddler and a baby, a toddler that’s often going to be jealous of the baby getting your attention as they are not used to sharing you is very different to baby three where the two existing already know mum only has two arms and they have each other even if only in small doses to occupy each other.

Baby three was basically born and then two weeks later on the school run. Needed fed its while walking on the school run, changed often in the pram as again had to be done fitting it with the older children.

It's like anything new, it's difficult in the beginning, but you learn and get better at it. The kids get older too, and become easier to manage.

I have a 3.5 year gap between my two and it's worked out great. The older one was potty trained, eating well and sleeping well when the baby arrived. Now they are 3 and 6 and amuse each other so I don't have to constantly find things to keep them occupied.

Following as I’m in the same boat as you with added stress of going back to school.

I think going from 0-1 or 1-2 both hard but in different ways. My first baby completely changed my life. My second didn't really change my life as I was in mummy mode then but it was harder in the sense of trying to split time I felt a lot of guilt early on. But what I will say is now their older I actually find it easier as they play together a lot so don't demand all my attention.

Depends on the child. Myself and DH are both FT in high pressure jobs- the transition from the 1 (fairly intense) child to the second (completely chilled
child) was far easier than going from child free to 1. Although if they had been born the other way around it would have been utter unexpected chaos.

Just stick to one OP - make life easier for yourself!

Yeah, but kids being little is a relatively temporary and short lived phase. Personally I think families need space. But that depends on your lifestyle and expectations.

I'm just patiently waiting for them to grow up! - oh please don't do that! These are the most precious years of your life and you will look back and wish you could have them over again. Don't take it for granted.

I've still got plenty of time and will not worry when I don't need to I'm happy with the set up and still plenty of space. Plus I'm out the house most days.

My first is very spirited and independent and my second for the first 8 months or so was incredibly chill and I contemplated having a third. Shes since had a complete personality change, can’t be put down, no longer sleeps, cries at everything, plus my eldest is having a bout of jealousy, I’ve also got PND and PPA. I’m sure it’ll get easier but at the moment we have bad days and worse days (please note we’ve just had 2x HFM, 2x Noro and 2x chickenpox back to back which is probably influencing the negativity 😅). I’m sure it gets easier and it is lovely watching their bond grow but at the moment it’s far far harder than I had anticipated

I don't think so in the long run. Kids are easier if they have a playmate otherwise you become the playmate.

One thing that’s been lovely since mine became older is that they go off and do things together (they’re 19 and 16). They have their own relationship outside of the family unit, which is great. They’ve been to concerts together, the cinema, and went to a football game a couple of weeks ago. They have their own friends obviously, but they get on pretty well-DD has even taken DS out with her friends a couple of times (to the cinema, etc.).

Of course, sometimes they argue too!

There is only 14 months between mine so I can't really remember what it was like with one. I know DC1 never slept, so I was tired anyway.

But that's just your opinion. I probably did wish away the early years and certainly wouldn't say they were precious, just part of life. I have colleagues who are there now. I really, really don't miss those days. I like teenage days.

Op I'd say 0-1 is hard in terms of adjusting. 1-2 hard in terms of sheer hard work and exhaustion- especially if you work full time. And if you get one like dc2. But then, having 2 close in she meant we were able to do all the baby stuff at once and made days out etc easier. They're not friends though; more like housemates where only one has social skills.

@BrightLemonShark

I would agree with you.

In my extended family all the sibling sets generally get on and are supportive of each other. That is around 30+ people.

And to be honest I think all my friends have positive sibling relationships too.
I don't think that it can be a coincidence and presume that there might be a type of person who has had something about their upbringing where they learn that family bonds are worthwhile. Not that they don't have difficulties, I've a whole range in my own family, but that bond exists and would be broken only in quite dramatic circumstances.

This is not a way of saying "oh aren't we great" but rather that I think it's down to being brought up by people who in turn were brought up like this, and probably finding friends and partners who are similar to us in this respect.

I came to say this. I couldn’t choose between the children I have, now they’re here life is wonderfully chaotic and I adore and love them equally. Practically though, I am envious of my friends who stuck at one.

although I agree that some things are only as expensive as you make them the one thing you can’t do on the cheap is childcare. It’s nearly a grand a month per child for a nursery place or you lose a wage. The clothes/toys/activities are the cheap bit and you can spend what you have it’s the childcare/losing a wage that is expensive

Not at all. The poster is quite right. Later on in life when you have all left home things can change, especially when partners and children come on the scene.
Not everyone gets on.
Look at the sibling problems on places like MN etc, there are loads. Lots of people are no contact with siblings.
I agree never have a sibling just for your child.

Rubbish! I’d happily never speak to a child under 10 ever again. My older teenagers however are awesome company, full of enthusiasm for all sorts of things, and best of all they can do their own washing and tie their own shoes!
Little kids are way overrated.

I agree. My children are still very young but also autistic. There’s rarely been sweet sibling moments over the years, they require their own space. It’s not what I’d imagined when having more children as I’d had a fairly typical relationship with my own sibling growing up (though also had years of low contact as adults).

going from 0-1 was really hard for me. Big lifestyle adjustment. I massively love him but for the first year I was a deer in the headlights. 1-2 was easy. My life had already changed beyond recognition. I was a party girl. Out every single night. My bestie is a producer and we were at VIP music events a lot and had a blast for a long time. I love him to bits but met my dh and fell in love hard and fast and quickly married and had my first. It was hard. My life was nothing like it used to be. When we had no.2, 2 years later it was brilliant. My life was already in the mum phase and I’d made my peace with that after some time, so I found going to 2 a breeze and was a welcome change to how hard I found the first. I love them both to bits. They’re teenagers and are great. I’m so glad I have them both.

In the absence of a toxic home, most siblings get along together well throughout their lives.