People with more than one child, be honest…

[Behionest]

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

Going from 1 to 2 was a breeze and I found having one VERY difficult. IMO 0-1 will always be the hardest because your whole life changes and you're learning everything from scratch. After that you're already in the routine and more or less know what you're doing.

It is hard work, especially when young. However, the second one fits into your life more, whilst the world revolves around the first one.

It is harder, although I have loved having more than one and we have no support from family at all. I echo others though saying that if you are struggling when you have this much support from your parents then having another may not be for you.

My second dc has significant SEND, and caring for her has had an impact on my first dc. He has missed on a lot. If I could go back I’d only have one, partly for that reason. And they don’t get on brilliantly. They’ve been bickering and winding each other up for years. I prefer spending time individually with each of them. Family stuff is hard work.

If you have baby no2 will your family look after 2 kids? The nursery days are a breeze. Juggling childcare in school holidays once your DC starts school is difficult if you don't have the support.

How old are you? Is the father on the scene?

We were similar, I started TTC when DS was 2 years 9 months.

I would say the baby phase is quite hard (mine was in covid in a city with no friends or family) as it's hard to entertain the toddler while meeting the needs of the baby.

From about ages 3 and 7 they started to play together though and that has been brilliant as DS no longer feels lonely when we are not spending time with him.

Generally I found the step up from
1 to 2 much less dramatic and difficult than going from 0 to 1.

You can't guarantee they will get on of course!

It's only expensive if you make it so!

Oh god i love having two.

There's a brief bit where the baby is between about 8m and about 20m where they can't just be carted round and are a bit more work but then they suddenly become old enough to play a bit/be amused by older sibling. This afternoon mine have played together loads and they have currently asked to share a room instead of having one each.

Boy & girl, 7 going on 8 and 5.

Honestly I found it way easier going from 1 to 2 then from 0 to 1!
Have a 3 year age gap which I found good as DS1 was potty trained, could understand and he liked being involved and helping (like can you pass me that muslin). DS2 spent first 9 months in a sling when out so I could keep up with DS1.
My DH would do breakfast with DS1 which meant we could sleep if needs be.

It's also way easier now at 5 and 2 as DS2 can play and when we are out and about they entertain each other. They mostly play nicely together at home as well. DS2 definitely doesn't understand age restrictions on toys though and has been playing with small cars and legos a good year!

@teatoast8 my 15 year old eats so much and is growing so fast it costs me a fortune! And I buy him fairly cheap clothes!

Mine did play together when they were younger. When they got to about 8 and 11 the bickering ramped up and now at 12 and 15 they barely acknowledge each other apart from arguing. Some of it is down to younger ones needs (and inability to compromise). But as I said it makes doing things together hard

Why? She has a good support system, it sounds amazing and will really help if she has another

I found the step from 1-2 easier than 0-1 (and from 2 to 3 easier still to be honest!).

It’s hard having a toddler and newborn; but soon enough they can play together. I know friends with one who perhaps have it easier in some regard, but also their child has many hobbies including over the weekend to keep them entertained. I would find the heavy scheduling hard.

I prefer leaving mine to get on with it at the weekend and they mostly play wonderfully together. They have same interests though.

there’s no guarantees with any of it… could get a difficult baby/child with additional needs, etc etc. Ultimately only you know if it feels right.

To an extent. It also depends on your priorities.

Feeding, clothing and housing three children is expensive.

Activities are expensive in time and money - a music lesson is £18 a week, add to that dance, sport etc.

School trips are expensive, even without doing the school ski trip or expedition to Peru.
The last few school trips have been £20-£30 per child.
Decent school shoes, trainers, winter coats.
Lunch money or packed lunches. Ingredients for food tech.
Birthday parties, holidays, cars, a house with enough bedrooms.

I mean you could do no clubs, no activities, no holidays, no birthday parties, no musical instruments, no Year 6 residential if you wanted but most parents do want to be able to give their children those opportunities - and it is expensive.

I found the jump from 1 - 2 easier than 0 - 1. He just seemed to slot in to our family life, my first was 3 when he was born and an absolute dream child though so that may be why I found it so easy haha! My second was a gorgeous happy little thing but boy did he not like to sleep, still doesn't

Because there's no guarantee that the support system, as in GP's, will want/be able to look after 2 DC.

I wanted two so I mad it work. It was tricky when DC2 was very tiny because DC1 wanted my attention all the time and tiny babies are very bad at timing their needs around others.

But it's all good now 8 year later 😊 short term pain long term gain.

My DC1 was 3.5 yrs when DC2 was born. Once I got used to juggling a boisterous pre-schooler and a newborn - the physical, practical side of it, like getting out of the house and walking places - I found it no harder than having one.

Once they were 3/6, 4/7 etc they were good playmates and entertained each other while I made dinner etc.

I still don’t really see the issue. I had my second when my first was doing 5 days at nursery, it just meant I had more time with the baby and didn’t have juggle them both during the week

He/she might be an easier baby but a harder toddler or a difficult teenager. Or have a disability or some sort of learning difficulty. There's no way of knowing. The two siblings might be best friends or fight like cat and dog.

I think it's pretty inevitable that things will be more challenging logistically and economically unless you have staff and unlimited funds.

One DC was a breeze for me. Having a second certainly means more juggling and two children simply take up more space, more money and more time. Loads of pluses though, and going from 2 to 3 was a doddle.

We had a three year gap- it was supposed to be 2.5 but due to a lot of work travel, it took a while to conceive…you have to be in the same place to make it happen. 😂

We found going from one to two children far easier than having our first. We were more confident as parents and less anxious.

I agree with PP’s that it gets harder when they start having their own activities and hobbies. We found it best to divide and conquer, plus car pooling with other parents.

Now they’re 19 and 16 so we only need to ferry DS around. Although my car is seldom available when DD comes home from university. 🤣

I've got two with that age gap and yes, it was a step up, but TBH not that difficult. I never had 2 in nappies at the same time, I didn't need a double buggy. I was a SAHM but my OH worked away a lot so it was pretty much all on me. One thing I will say is that the little bit of family support we did have dried up because my parents said it was too difficult to have both children at once and refused to take the youngest on his own. I wasn't prepared to let them play favourites so eldest didn't stay with them again.

We were a little gang and did all sorts together. It was brilliant.

I had 4 no family help, late parents working ft when I had the1st 3, DM died before the last one, second marriage.spread out because you had to accrue maternity leave and it was 3 months after birth. I worked nights,DH days so no having to pay for childcare. The year after the last one was born, became a grandparent, then I'm looking after them as well (plus late father at the end)

We have two, we have a six year age gap which makes things easier as our oldest was at school in the early days, could dress himself, is toilet trained etc, he could also grab something if his sister had fallen asleep and we needed it. It also meant due to our sons age jealousy was less of an issue, its also a way to create more 1:1 time as the activities they enjoy are different, so he still gets lots of days out etc 1:1 rather than sharing them all with his sister. But theres also still plenty we can do as a four.

They’re three and nine now, they play together really nicely, but fairly soon I imagine she will become too annoying etc.

Ours both have additional needs, the youngest more so, so a larger gap helps there, not for the kids, but for us to make our lives easier.

I have three under 5 and am pregnant with #4 (our last!) I love it and found that although the juggling gets harder the parenting gets easier. They play with each other, always have a buddy and it feels lovely