People with more than one child, be honest…

[Behionest]

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

Hi I love your honest comment to this,I agree with you 💯 % I have two young disabled children and it's soooo hard,when you see people smiling and carrying on like it's easy,they are us,we look on and managing on the surface but deep down we are broken,how I cope day by day I do not know but I do,I have moments where I break down and cry then pull myself together and carry on,hats off to you Hun it's hard but you are doing your best x

Transition to having two children was relatively simple for me, he was a large hungry baby but slept well between feeds. Transition to third and fourth children was not, just so much to do and so many places to be, all at the same time. I have three years between my children so never really had two babies at once. Personally I would not choose to have two babies very close together, but I know that for some older women there is more of a time pressure.
My DiL's first child was the calmest more peaceful baby you can imagine, but her second was a demanding nightmare.
Seriously, unless you are very unlucky or have children with disabilities like previous posters it should be fine.

I wondered what makes you say this? I have four too and now they're adult I sometimes wish I had just one or two. Two of them are nightmares now that they are adult, though when they were all young I never had the headspace to think like this.

No not at all. I found life easier with each new addition actually! Workload wise, it's a lot more work yes, but I seeing them together and how much they all love each other makes me happier than I've ever felt.

I have two op its enough lol. Everyone copes differently too. Im one of 3 we not overly close so no guarantees siblings are close. Ive 4 year gap with mine

With a second my life didn't change half as much as when I had my first so I felt like child no 2 slipped into our lives quite well with no major problems. Your little one will be nearly school age by the time a baby comes if they're 3.5 now so you'd only have the baby by itself most of the day & by the time child 1 gets home from school hopefully your DH wouldn't be too much later so you'd only have a couple of hours on your own with both children. It's a big decision to have another child so you need to be sure you'd be able to afford a second baby & that it's right for your family.

Me too. I have 3 but if I had my time again I’d stick with one or possibly not have any at all.

This. You dont know what your child will need in terms of support. They could have sen etc etc.

My kids are all on the spectrum. You often don't find out until they are older. Its been hard.

See I would think it would be better to wait at least 5 years. Ther seem to be so many kids with SEN/ autism these days and people started noticing between ages 2-4.

So less chance of ending up with 2 kids with SEN or one that needs a lot more attention and you have a young baby to deal with as well .

I sometimes thought that when mine were growing up by they're adults now and I'm so pleased that I had them.

😂. Mine are adults too, well youngest is 17.

LOL.

You have a few years to change your mind, mine are all into their 20s...

I found it easier to go from 1 to 2 then 0 to 1. But my second was a very chilled baby. I had them both at home as I was a sahm (there was a 2 year age gap) and found the youngest just slotted in around us.

I found the opposite.
My first was very easy and nothing really changed much in our lives. We just took him along to eat out etc and he would sleep peacefully wherever we were.
DC2 was much more difficult and at the same time DC1 also started acting up, so it was hard.
I had 2 under 2 though, the first few years were very tough.

I have 3, youngest 16 now but 3.5yrs was my smallest age gap and it was fine. My kids have been very easy though, even as teens, especially my younger two. Nothing to do with amazing parenting, largely down to luck I think, but it definitely has made my parenting journey easier. My middle child was a nightmare baby, not sure how I had another but once he was past the baby & toddler years he really has never caused me a day’s trouble. Once they grow up too it’s nice to have those adult relationships, my eldest son and I go on lots of mini breaks together and hoping they all come and visit me in my old age! I had just my eldest for 11yrs as I had him as a teenager, and I do think it was much nicer for my younger two to have a sibling close in age.

I found it much harder but I had a lot less support than you. However I think it's harder short term but long term it is probably easier. My age gap was 3 years and it was perfect as childcare became cheaper at 3 and my eldest understood about having a baby brother and wasn't as dependant on me as a younger child/baby would have been. They are now 8 and 11 and still hang out together although and we do lots of family things together. I've noticed a lot of my sons friends parents who have only one child tend to invite him over at weekends as their children are bored/lonely/they don't want to entertain their child and for us we don't usually accept the invites as they hang out with each other or we are together as a family.

Mine are 39 - 48, should just have had the last one!

Honestly one of our reasons not to have a 2nd is that my ILs who are great with childcare would not be able/willing to take care of 2 children so effectively the nursery runs, the sick days, the weekend help would no longer be there and I know I couldn't cope and it would most likely end up with me not working which I don't want to give up.

They happily talk to when little one is old enough for a sleepover so I'm sticking with one and done lol

I had my 2nd DD when my 1st DD was 13months old my 1st was an angel perfect baby really easy my 2nd OMG did she let you know she was here 😊 as most have said it's hard for the newborn phase but I wouldn't change a thing they grew up to be friends as well as sisters, found it easier once all the baby part was over as they have a constant playmate obvs they argued and fought but on the whole it was great and went way too fast. I had another 2 DD 8yrs later with 16months apart again hard in the baby stage especially finding family stuff to cater for all ages as they grew! I was a working single mum by the time my youngest was 3yrs old with dad only having every other Saturday night and every Wednesday for tea. Honestly wouldn't change a thing even though it was hard work. They're all grown now 3 with their own little ones. It's a bigger picture than the first few years look to the future we start out as parents, always will be, but as they grow so does your relationship you become friend, confidant & unfortunately at times the enemy! hard times with hormones! Then they get to adulthood and your relationship changes again, we had lots of tantrums & lots of laughs along the way and still do, it's hard work but IMHO soo worth it. The baby years are gone in the blink of an eye. So many more years after that part to cherish. No one's perfect parenting 1 or more is hardwork it's upto you how you approach it.

My first born was an easy child from day one. Didn’t cry unless he was unwell, didn’t scream when we went out or anything like that. Walking and saying 4 word sentences by one year old. Lulled us into a false sense of security lol

We had a second child and she fucked shit up lol they say second child syndrome is a thing (although I have heard it the other way around for some). I’m a second child. My DP is a second child. It’s certainly true for us lol

DD was born in the Feb and my DS was going to be 4 in the April that followed. He told me when she was born it was the worst day of his life 🥺😔💔 he’d been used to having two parents to himself and when DD came along he had to share the people who had become his comfort zone. Now they are 10 & 6, he definitely loves her but man he’s an arsehole to her sometimes yet she absolutely idolises him. DS is definitely ND and we’re currently going through the procedure of getting a diagnosis for him. DD does have adhd traits but is managing to control herself pretty well with my support.

In hindsight, if I knew my DS was going to be so affected by DD coming into his life I would maybe have had less of an age gap between them.

When DD was born we hardly changed our routine to try and make it as ‘normal’ for DS as possible.