People with more than one child, be honest…

[Behionest]

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

I have 3. Each time I managed to convince myself one more would be only a bit harder, each time it’s been about 10 times harder.

worth it though

I’m firmly in the ‘one and done’ camp. I’d rather have one child I can give the world too whilst also maintaining quality of life and and the family dynamic we have, than risk it my having another.

To coin a phrase having one is like owning pet, having two is like running a zoo 😂 only kidding mine are 12 years apart and that worked for me. One nearing independence and then a brand new baby for me to start all over again with and I wouldn’t change a thing. I honestly don’t think I would have coped with two very small children ❤️

17 months between mine and yes it is very full on but you just get on with it. Seeing the bond between them makes it all so worth it.

My second and thirds going to be 17 months apart

12 year age gap between my first 2, piece of piss.
2 and a half years between 2nd and 3rd, it is more difficult mainly just trying to fit everything in . All sleep well too which helps.

Personally I think the smaller age gap the better, for me I didn't meet dh until dc1 was 7 otherwise I'd of aimed for 1-2 years between each.

I wouldn't bother with another once a child gets to age 5 or older.

A lot depends on the age gap etc - I had two reasonably close together (2 years apart) and despite both being very easy babies, sleeping through from early on, feeding easily etc, two was much harder than one. On the other hand they are each others best friends (also massive rivals in sports with all the difficult things that come with that), and for example, Covid lockdown 1 was a breeze for them because they just had a long summer playing outside in the sunshine together.

baby no.2 does tend to fall in easily with your existing routines and I am so glad we had ours, it’s harder work but so so worth it .

I had twins 23 months after No.1.

I had no family support, but did have a circle of friends and neighbors.
Honestly, it was fine.

The fact you have so much support and are still freaking out would make me wonder whether in your case it would be a bad idea.

Everyone is different, OP. I have 3 and I’m just surviving - my friend has 3 and every Christmas she makes her own slow gins, chocolate truffles, and Christmas cards.
I found 1 to 2 a big step up but the third didn’t add too much overhead. I wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world. I always wanted a lovely big family. But I’m frazzed! 🤣

Just do it. I don’t think there’s ever a right time tbh children are hard work if it’s 1 or 2. We have 2 little girls born 2 years apart. Ones 3.5 the other 1.5 and it’s HARD 😂 I don’t get help either the only help I get is when their dad comes home from work and whilst they’re in nursery but I finish work and pick them straight up. As you’ve said you have good support and yes your second might be easier, mine is anyway!

Honestly I'm not sure. I had one at 27. Great experience. Then had another at 40. It was way harder on my body. We then thought about having a sibling for the younger one when she was 2 because it was so lovely having a baby again and my eldest (autistic) wasn't really a sibling figure.
I'm so glad we didn't go ahead with another. When my little one turned 3 she became a handful and is still a challenge at 6. I'm older, I'm exhausted and I thank my lucky stars I'm not having to deal with another!
I think it's worth thinking about how you would handle it all in the tough times. If you've got good support etc then great. If you're older, alone or dealing with health conditions then I'd maybe rethink.

If you find it hard with one, and have so much support, then are you planning to rely on your family to support baby number 2 the same? Don’t want to sound mean but don’t just have another for the sake of it, these are the most precious years, you should focus on baby number 1and then let it happen naturally .. I have two, 5 and 3, zero support whatsoever, and both my sons are autistic, I wouldn’t change it for the world, it is hard but I’m with them every day as I believe strongly in raising my children myself , not saying everyone should do this (I work from home and am doing an online degree, by choice, to be there for my children) but if you’re finding it hard now maybe you should just wait a bit . It’s going to put more pressure on your in laws to look after two small children that many times a week as well

The biggest jump for me was from 1 child to 2 children, having one was pretty easy for me, when i had my second (3 years apart) it was tough tough going. When the rest came along i was very prepared. I have 6 😍

My son was 22 months old when his little brother rocked up!I thought it would be hell but I actually absolutely loved it (first time round I had PND, second I didn’t) it only got harder once my sons Asd started to show and it was difficult for a good few years. But I adore having two.

It is a shock and you’ll experience a whole new level of exhausted, your house will also never be clean again. But saying that it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and seeing the two of them play together and how much they love each other makes every second worth it!

All three of my kids were terrible sleepers but that aside, my first was such a sweetheart. She was such a lovely easy going baby. My second was a little ratbag and the third still makes me question why we decided to have another one!

When my first child was three his siblings were two and a baby. Hard work but now they are 18, 17 & 15 we have a lot of raging hormones but they all get along brilliantly!

Our first son was born with a life limiting health issue so lots of tests before second son born 4 years later, to be followed by a third son after another 2 years. My wife was 40 having our third and final son and a SAHM as I was fortunate enough to earn a reasonable salary. Eldest passed aged 13 and other boys both mid twenties now. Despite the regular hospital and occassional surgeries over the entire 13 years I think having more children was the best decision we ever made. By and large you get what you can handle and learn to adapt and cope whatever is thrown at you. It has been so worthwhile for us and now they are both living away and doing well we do winder at times if we shouldn't have had more children. It's a hard choice. Try to think of it as a long term investment that should bring rich returns for decades to come. There is no wrong or right decision and I wish you well whatever you decide.

Same here and everything you say resonates. I love the age gap between my two DC.
DD (4) is adored and indulged by DS’s (8) friends.
DS gets to be cool and mature with his friends but gets to embrace “young” activities that he’d otherwise be demed too old for because we go as a family “for his sister”.
loads of hard work, with 2 (and a dog and full time jobs plus volunteering for both me and DH!) but absolutely worth it. We’re constantly knackered but aside from juggling I don’t find 2 harder than 1.

I have 3 and I found going from 1 to 2 really easy. 2 to 3 was a bit harder but that was because I was on my own 12 hours a day with them so very much outnumbered. Still totally fine though.

Obviously all babies and toddlers are different and some are harder than others BUT I would also say that to an extent it’s as hard as you make it.

How high/realistic are your standards?
Will you be working?
Where/how many days?
Where do you stand on things like co-sleeping/routine/breastfeeding/baby-wearing/weaning etc?

How capable and willing is your partner?

“By and large you get what you can handle and learn to adapt and cope whatever is thrown at you.”

This is so true. Lovely post, and I am so sorry for the loss of your eldest son.

I won't lie,I have 5 4 of which are at home my eldest is 23,I had a 11 year age gap between him n my daughter she's 12 then IV got 9,4,2, let me tell you if you don't want to be able to care for yourself anymore,do things with ya friends,go to toilet on your own,go on nice days out,have nice things then think again,it could be im a older mum,I had my eldest at 17 and it was a breeze,but I'm 41 with a an autistic 4 year old and my 2 year old has hydrocephalus and he's development is severely delayed and I can't keep up at all,I do it but my god does it feel hard,I'm tired all the time,schools run after school run after school run,having to go in when your 12 year old can't handle school it's too hard for her IV fought for 4 years to get her tested for ADHD but got nowhere so they just cast her aside,my head's gonna go one day but yeah been a mum to multiple kids is great 😃

Having a second isn't double as hard, I'd say it's about half harder.

The transition from 0 to 1 was much harder for me, than from 1 to 2.

If you are thinking about having a second, just do it! I love having my two babies on either side of me! Life is hard but bliss! :)

If you find one tricky with all that support I would stick with what you have. People are less supportive with multiples. Second babies are never like the first. I have three children all in school now but Jesus life is a whirlwind🫣 I always think to myself god my life would be so different/easy with one.

“By and large you get what you can handle and learn to adapt and cope whatever is thrown at you.”

I disagree. I haven’t been managing for nearly a decade. I have to, but I am hanging on and most of the time just surviving. My mental health is shot, and the impact of my youngest disability on my oldest is not positive. He has missed so much and continues to do so, because of what we can manage as a family.

You don’t have any choice but to survive, but I wouldn’t romanticise it. Many, many families (mothers) with disabled children are living day to day on the edge with little quality of life.

I love my dd and will continue to fight for her and what she needs, but it is very very hard.