People with more than one child, be honest…

[Behionest]

Is it a huge step up? If I’m honest I have found managing my now almost 2.5 year old very tricky. He’s full on.

If we ttc it’s now or never really. So if I do get pregnant ds will be around 3.5 when sibling is born.

I would love for him to have a sibling but wonder if I am being naive about how much harder work it is. At the moment my in laws have ds four afternoons a week and he is in nursery 3 mornings so I am feeling very supported. A friend said recently that it’s a shock to the system managing two and that all your time is really taken away as one or the other always needs you! But then I suppose the second could be an easier baby?

Honest perspectives please!

I have 2.

DD1 is 4.5, DD2 is almost 1. DD2 has been a very easy baby. Husband is also very hands on. I think going from none to 1 is much harder. We have never had a night away on our own but we do have grandparents that are willing to babysit for the day or evening so do get a break if needed.

For most of the time I've been off DD1 had only been in part time school so I've had both of them. We have also had a few holidays this year (mostly staycations) so have no issues getting out and about with both.

I am very glad I had DD2, she is an absolute delight. We don't feel we could manage 3 though and I think having a bigger gap than 2 years has massively helped x

I always (okay not at the newborn stage, but from ten months old or so) found it easier having more children in the room than just one.

I didn't like leaving my dc1 but needed to earn money and anyway didn't want not to have my own independent income, so I registered as a childminder when she was nine months old and minded two other under twos ten hours a day, five days per week from then until dc2 was born.

I actually found that, even though they were all too young to genuinely play "together" they were occupied and intrigued by one another and parallel play was vastly more engrossing to them than solo play and brought different benefits than me just playing 1:1 with DD (it's a real skill not to be adult led playing 1:1 with a toddler and adult led play is very limiting but the "easy" or lazy option for the child so a lot of children default to it when it's "on offer" and don't explore and create their own games as much).

When dc2 was born I stopped childminding (dc1 was 2) but went to lots of groups for dc1 - still until dc2 was old enough to play with she really missed her "friends" and asked for them to come back. It really was in many ways easier to have three toddlers than one!

Of course if you have more children it's easier to internally justify the fact you're focusing on childcare and (informally and not in an intense way obviously) educating your children rather than getting frazzled and stressed trying to get lots of domestic work done when you are home with the children. I liked that too!

I had a slightly bigger gap from dc2 to dc3 (similar to the gap you're anticipating) and I must admit it was longer until dc2 and 3 played together and I did feel for longer as though I had two children and then a separate "only" and had to keep dc3 from destroying the older children's more complicated games and toys and crafts for the first 2.5 - 3 years. So it is longer until the "pay off" with a bigger gap.

DC1 loved dc3 the way she'd have loved a puppy and with a 5 year gap from dc1-3 they were never really peers - it's definitely not easier having a 6 year old and a one year old than just a six year old, although there are of course still wonderful things about the relationship.

So it depends a lot on the gap.

If you struggle with one though you don't have to have more and it might not be the right choice. It's more environmentally friendly just to have one child and they're more portable, you can spend more money on them and more time (though if you're inclined to be intense this is a double edged sword) and leave them your home all to themselves when you die...

It's good to know that going from 2 to 3 is a doddle. Pregnant with my third

I have 4 and I'd say the hardest transition was from 2 to 3 but there were a lot of circumstances that made it that way. Going from 1 to 2 was fairly easy

Ugh. I wouldn’t choose to have another, one is quite enough to contend with, if you have two you have to consider all the things that size up, like bouts of sickness, uniform, fees for holiday clubs / after school clubs, non school clothes, holidays, houses (with enough bedrooms). Personally we didn’t fancy the financial or time investment required to go again with confidence. Also a terribly morbid thought, but what if one or both of you died, were of the opinion fewer people would take on two children if something terrible happened to us. OP have you asked the family members who currently support you if they would provide the same support for 2 kids? We have many friends whose family support wasn’t offered for two kids, as they found it ‘a bit too much to manage’.

The first was a herculean regime change in my life, one to two was easy - busier but more of the same, the first year from two to three was...not a doddle 😬 but you do get there eventually.

I'm pregnant with third. Only in a 2 bed and no plans in moving and that's okay!.

Everyone will find differently to others. Mostly heard the third slots right in

I have a nearly 6 year gap and they bicker all the time, it makes my life a misery, days out are ruined, school run is just a bastard.

I love them both obviously but sometimes I miss the days of just 1!

It*

I have 2 (3.5 year age gap). They have adored each other since day 1 and that’s priceless. And they had each other to share the experience of their parents divorcing and being solo parented. However they ALWAYS side together which can make disciplining one of them hard and I sometimes wonder if solo parenting would have been easier with just one.

This! Would they be willing, and able to offer so much support for a second child? This should be considered very carefully.

I mean yeah it’s harder because you’re trying to look after a newborn with a toddler. Newborn feels easy on their own the second time round. Depends on your child though. If your second child is easier than your first then it’s better. Your age gap is pretty good. 4 years if perfect imo.

It’s not the vast majority.I know, through work, family and friends, they’re not all close to their siblings some not even in contact and they are from functional families.

That’s fine, but sounds chaotic to me. Everyone can only answer from their own viewpoint. What’s your room plan for teenagers?

1 to 2 fine. 2 to 3 omg I always feel someone is missing out but I had small age gaps and some sen

OP asked for opinions..

"3rd slots right in" is the biggest lie 🤣

My first was a real handful, he was 2.5 when younger one arrived. Something about having a younger sibling settled him right down, it all seemed to become much easier. We had the odd day where I was pulling my hair out but on the whole it was fine. Second DS was also an easy baby so that helped!

It doesn't. Not while they're young. Haven't thought that far ahead. Got plenty of time tbf

Like I said everyone is different

@80smonster got a 2.5 year old and 10 month near 11 month old

It was much harder at the time. As they got older, I could see how 1 would be more work sometimes.

What I found strange/hard was simultaneously dealing with a baby with very elementary physical needs and a 3 year old beginning to have more intellectual needs. I had to keep switching from the purely nurturing mother to the imaginative knowledgeable mother.

Once they were older it was fine, although they were much more involved with each other . For example, as an only I was very involved with my mother in the run-up to Christmas, making and putting up decorations. making Christmas crackers, and so on. My DC were a lot less interested in all that and much more interested in doing things with each other (the full range of which we're hearing only now they're well and truly grown up).

I have a 3.5 year gap. We found 0 to 1 incredibly hard. DS was sunny but poorly and very very full on and into everything. He didn't sleep. DD was clingy and cried a lot and didn't sleep but going from 1 to 2 was easy in comparison. She slotted in. A bit like a new handbag.

My only regret is not having a third.

They are grown up now and quite close. Having a second was I.portant to me because I am an only child and didn't want ds to be alone when we were gone or solely responsible for us when we were old. That theory blew out of the water though because MIL is old and DH's sisters live abroad and do fuck all.