Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

The more money you have the more you spend so in relative terms I would say equal shares.

Equal amounts to the sisters and equal amounts in trust funds for each of the kids.

The same to both.

Equal for me.

In my case I have a lower earning sis with a mortgage free house and a higher earning sis with a mortgaged house and two kids. Sisters would get the same and if it was a big amount, some in trust for the kids. He has a sister with no kids and she'd get the same as my sisters. I'd be interested in what he'd say though so shall ask tomorrow.

Sounds like he resents your sister! It's not her fault that his made different choices.

Equal is fair.

I'd give equally.

That's what I'd do for all my family members regardless of their financial circumstances. Although I know there is one member who would refuse any money if I offered.

I'm the poor relative and if I ever inherit anything I wouldn't expect to get more just because I'm the poor one!

I'm with your DH. Rich people don't need more money. I might treat your sister and her family to a holiday or something but I'd buy his sister a family home.

Personally I agree that the bigger share should go to the poorer sister. If I was rich enough to have a 1m£ property, there's no way I'd resent this.

I’d get around the entire issue by instead helping nieces and nephews with university or similar career establishing education. Relieve a burden from the parents and help launch the next generation to success.

So reward poor choices? 6 kids? Never worked? Taxpayers funding her lifestyle? Yeah no.
equal amount to both

How much are you planning on winning and how much are you planning on giving away?

If you “only” won £1m - £2m then you would be of similar wealth to wealthy sister and so giving her money doesn’t really make sense. But if you were to give poor sister, say, £50k then it would massively improve her life.

On the other hand, if you are planning on winning £123m then giving £1m to each sister makes sense as you would be changing both their lives.

Somit really depends how ambitious your daydreams are! 😂

I’m the poorer relative in my family because one of my children has significant disabilities that massively restricted my own earnings and therefore private pension potential. However, I would want to be treated equally. Yes, money could solve a lot of my problems, but being given more is not fair, and I would hate for any resentment or upset to happen because of it. Money is not always the problem solver people think it is.

I have wondered what we would do if we won millions of pounds. I anticipate that there would be disagreements on how we would spend the money. My solution to this problem would be to give half the winnings to my husband and keep the other half. I figured of we ever got divorced, we’d have to share the money anyway.

If you did this, you could give your sister what you wanted and he could treat his sister. Problem solved!

I think you and your husband should each have the same amount to give away.

That could be given to family or friends or charities or whatever.

Surely that's cutting off your nose to spite your face. A windfall big enough to see her in a property she owned and living off somebody else's generosity would save the tax payer money. If that was really your incentive you would be eager for her to no longer need state support. Instead it sounds rather like you're just being nasty.

Yeah I'd give more to people who need more. I wouldn't tell anyone the amount I gave anyone else and I'd ask them not to tell each other and if they did they'd no longer be in my life.
You don't owe anyone any of the money you would win. If you give money as a gift that is kind, and people shouldn't be creating drama about it, and if they do they can gtfoh.
So in my lottery fantasy I give money to friends and family based on how much they would need to be OK. And that would involve giving more money to people I know who are less wealthy. More money to people who have kids etc..
I actually think it's less fair if you give everyone the exact same because you are wasting an opportunity to genuinely level the playing field. Especially for all those kids. The poorer ones may get the same opportunities as the richer ones. But if you give them the same amount it will just remain the same, with one set of kids with far more than the other.

How about making living situations fair so his sister gets a nice house to accommodate 6 kids and then any monetary gifts after that would be equal.

Am I the only one that wouldn’t tell a soul?? 🤣

Difficult to answer without more detail.

tbh I'd say having 6 kids is harder than any full time paid job!
I would say more to one with the kids, it's not always down to life choices, sometimes it's more complex than that, but I'd give it to the one that needed it more

The trouble is that having a nice house wouldn't be enough really because the upkeep on the house and insurance and extra electricity etc might be out of the sister's reach.

I think the actual amounts involved are relevant here.

Let's say you win £1M, and decide to give DSIL £250k so that she can buy a home of her own and have some savings behind her. This will be life changing for DSIL. You then decide to pay off your mortage, put a chunk into pensions and save for university fees for your children. Having done this, you're left with £250k. I'd say no bloody way would this go to your DS, who may still be better off than you!

However, if you won £50M, and decided to give £5M to your DSIL, then yes of course you should also give £5M to your DS. That sum of money would likely be life changing for both of them. And you'd still have £40M!

Rich sister has already won life's lottery! I'd buy poorer sister a house and give rich sister a decent sized gift.

I mean if you think about it the kids born into the family with the 1million pound home have already won the lottery of life compared to the 6 kids living hand to mouth.

Tight arse!