Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

The fact that you’ve been arguing over this ‘pigs might fly’ hypothetical scenario for months and that he’s speaking to you like this is the issue you need to address.

Not whether you’re right or wrong about what you would do with money you don’t have and will probably never have. 😕

We've discussed this and it was equal amounts - no question.

You could just as easily argue that the wealthy sister was likely to put the money to good use and the poorer sister would squander it away what with the former having developed good money sense and management over the years and the poorer sister never having had the opportunity whilst also choosing to have 6 children whilst on benefits.

(Not saying that's my position - I'd give equally! But it's a counter point to his point about her needing more).

I read something a while ago about most people who win larhe amounts on the lottery ending up having spent it all within quite a short period of time because huge amounts of money were just given to people who didn't know how to manage it.

The worse their financial position when they won, the more likely this was to happen.

Equal amounts. It’s similar to the inheritance quandary. If you have two kids, one is wealthy as they studied hard, have an amazing job they work hard at, make consistent good decisions. The other is financially poor, has made a string of bad decisions, (has mental health problems and anxiety) was unemployed for years but now works in a minimum wage job. Do you leave equal inheritance to them both? I think yes, but I do understand the other argument.

Equal shares of course. He wants to reward his sister for not being a success and punish yours for working hard . Let him read the posts on here, he is being totally unreasonable.

Why? She someone choosing to have 6 children and live on benefits should get rewarded more for being so lazy?

Yanbu op, equal to me.

I wouldn't tell anyone either.

Yes equal shares. Also just because someone seems to be more well off because of their cars, clothes etc doesn't actually mean they are. Some people live very frugally but have wealth because they don't spend!

I'd bring them both to the same standard of living, whatever it costs to give them both a similarly nice (suited to their needs paid off house and a monthly income enough that working is a choice.

If that means paying off what's left of the mortgage for one and fully buying a place for the other then one might get more but the end result is equal to both.

It would be means tested for me

I'd buy his sister a few boxes of condoms.

'She's won life's lottery!'
Wow. So you determine success based on material posessions and outward wealth?
You are making it sound as if their life was handed to her on a plate. You don't know what the woman sacrificed, how hard she worked, etc

Nope I'd be the exact same and I'd tell none 🙈🙈

I can't see any situation where I'd give the same to someone who is already well off over someone who is poor. The only reason to do that is if you believe the poor relative needs to suffer for their "bad" decisions, and I just don't see the world like that.

If I won mega millions, I could afford to give enough to rich sister that giving more to poor sister shouldn't be an issue for anyone. I'd have sharp words with rich sister if she dared complain after I'd already paid off her mortgage or whatever.

If I'm only winning £1-5million, the amount I'd be giving away is probably low enough that the difference between an even split or not isn't going to make a big difference to rich sister but would to the poorer one. Getting £150k rather than £100k isn't going to make much real difference to rich sister, but getting £200k rather than £150k could be the difference between owning a property or not for poorer one.

If I won a large amount it would be mine so I would decide, DP (note the 'P') could chip in an opinion but it would be just that.

I would be giving equal amounts but I would ensure money is focused on bringing out away for the children until they are 25.

Genuine question, why is having six children seen as a lazy choice? I doubt that she has time to be lazy.
We need people to have babies. People have mentioned charities, but a lot of global issues are being caused by overpopulation, in those countries. If you wouldn't reward a woman in the UK who has chosen children above working, then really the only charity that deserves donations (as we have reduced it to the deserving and undeserving) are the charities funding contraception etc.
If we are talking giving £1 million + then that's enough for both. However if the sister with the children was liable to be kidded out of money (because she makes bad relationship choices) then I'd buy a house for them and keep it in my name. I'd still give her money, but I'd want stability for the children.

It’s all very well with those saying you’d give more to poorer person, and the waelthy person doesn’t need it, but life’s circumstances can change in a moment
been there
most, even “well off” people don’t have a massive cushion of savings (I’m not talking about those with multiple millions). They’re a few pay checks away for needing to downsize their fancy house or take kids out of public school, or not have those fancy holidays. And those pay checks can stop without warning: redundancy, illness, divorce and even death

I married with a high earning husband and me earning less but both full time professionals. 3 months into marriage he was made redundant. Never got stable work agian. 10 years into marriage he was diagnosed with severe and enduring mental illness and virtually gave up on even attempting to earn money to support the family with me. I was sole breadwinner for last 15 years of our 30 year marriage. Then we had to divorce due to safeguarding issues. I earnt a lot, but it didn’t stop us from twice nearly loosing the house, not being able to afford a holiday every year….people I worked with couldn’t understand why my kids weren’t in private school given my position in the company. They didn’t know the circumstances that went on inside my home behind closed doors. People have literally no idea of other peoples issues and burdens .

your husband is making choices based on where the relative position of each sister is now. But that does not guarantee the future. Your SILs kids will grow up and leave school. She can then start working. She may find her niche and hidden skills and become very successfully. She might win on the lottery herself! Who bloody knows.

it’s the same argument for all those parents who met out uneven wills. You are basing it on assuming that how you perceive their lifestyle is how it will remain for the rest of their lives . It is lacking awareness and experience that people’s circumstances can change for better and worse, richer and poorer at a moments notice. Funny how the old marriage vows recognise that…..

I wouldn't either, but not because I'm a tight arse. I'd be really worried about money ruining relationships and bringing out the worst in everyone. I'd find ways to be generous and I'd help friends/family who need it, but I wouldn't tell anyone it was because of a lottery win. It helps that I wouldn't want to live too extravagantly myself, so it wouldn't be obvious. For example, I'd rent a huge, beautiful beach house for the whole summer and invite all my friends to stay in relay for a week or two each, but I'd tell them it belonged to a rich relative who let me use it for the summer. I'd 'win' a new car in a competition and gift my old banger to my 17-year-old nephew. That sort of thing. It's lying I suppose, but to protect relationships.

If you're talking £50million then surely you just give whatever you want without being tight to either.

Say £1 million to each sister which would buy a lovely big house and upkeep or pay off a mortgage with change and then trust funds on top for all the kids? I guess I would be tempted to give a little bit more to poor sister, maybe give her pension a good cash injection if she's not managed to save due to childcare.

At the end of the day £50 million is enough to give both a good life changing chunk and help out in the future. Absolutley daft to be arguing over such massive amounts of money, you could give £40 million away and still never have to worry about money again. I'd definitely give life changing amounts to both sisters (does he not get on with your sister?), as another poster said just split the £50 million and then you can both give what you please. 😅

It's mad but I do think money can bring out the worst in some people and make them miserable. I could understand if you were talking about a 1 or 2 million win, then I would prioritise the poor sister 100% and get those family members housed. But £50 million?! There shouldn't be really any arguments, you can afford to be generous with everyone and not invite any family squabbles about favouritism or punishment.

I would not tell a soul to start with. I would help the sister who needs it by passing it off an a share of inheritance or saying you had a small win. The sister that has money does not need money.

Decide on amount you want to give away, then split between you to do as you want.

Equal.

otherwise you are penalising the successful sister

We have that convo in our house too from time to time - would absolutely provide equal gifts to his and my sisters, and set up similar for nieces/nephews/baby cousins on both sides too. Just because one sister is married and successful with a child doesn’t mean her need is more or less than the two single sisters without kids. You never know what may happen down the road (cancer, job losses, messy divorces etc). The one that’s doing well today could be at risk of losing everything next week.

Absolutely - fully agree.

(Yeah no 🤣)

Am I the only one who wouldn't give money to family? 1mil is not that much money, by the time I've sorted out my own & my children's finances/ future there's not much left.
If it was 100mil in the euro millions that's different.

Also to add, I always only half jokingly say I wouldn't even tell DH if I won the lottery.

What a lovely gesture! I instinctively tend toward more for those who need more, but this has made me pause. An initial gift to all equally, an act of generosity and love (to all equally). With subsequent gifts to some, in order to meet their specific needs.

I can't envision a life where I'd need to enact this :D, but it's thought-provoking, thank you.