Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

I think I'd keep it all if it were 1m but in principle I agree with your DH.
And stop all this shit about 'rewards' or 'deserve'. I can understand the argument that both are equally important to you and you want both to know they're equally loved but if you're denying life changing money to your family because they had 6 kids and claim benefits, you are the problem. Your actual family. Children in your family.

There would be no point at all in giving a lifelong benefit claimant any substantial sum of money because their benefits would stop.

So they'd likely spend it on shite just to blow through it as quickly as possible so they could get their dole back and then end up in trouble with the DWP.

I'd put the money in trust for the kids.

The ol' equality versus equity argument

Depends where you live, but I live in the SE & £1m doesn't buy you very much. A nice 4bed,

they each made decisions in life, if you don't work & have 6 kids, it's inevitable you'll dnd up in a cramped house & not much money. Why should she benefit more than the other sister who has worked & not had 6 kids??

Give equal - that’s fair.

You could argue your sis doesn’t need it. You could equally argue that his sis doesn’t deserve it. 6 kids and never worked?!? 🤨

Same! I’d give to charity but not to any family or friends

I don't think you realise how little even several millions are, if you want to live a comfortable life without working. Which arguably is what many want to do with a lottery win.

But also,you're both very U to give anybody cash.
Rich sister doesn't need it.
Poor sister would just piss it all up the wall. The woman has 6 kids and never worked. What makes you think she'd use the money wisely? Also just 'buying her a bigger house' won't work as houses need maintaining etc. where will that cash come from.

Just finance whatever you think is a good idea, like uni expenses, extracurriculars.

In the very unlikely event this happens. Simples.

Personally, I'd keep everyone equal. The ones with the money and big home have worked hard and made sacrifices. The other seems to have accumulated rather a lot of kids whilst on benefits and if she didn't have the time to work and keep them should maybe have had 4 or 5 less.

Couples actually break up after lottery wins over this very sort of thing. I will never be convinced that suddenly acquiring a huge amount of unexpected money is ever a good thing.

@SomeSuperhero

But that's different, I'd WANT to help you more. You didn't just decide not to work & carry on having babies.

having a child with disabilities restricting your earnings/pension is something that happened to you, not a choice you made.

a world away from choosing to never work and have one kid after another.

Equal is fairest.

@thesunisastar has a point though, in that if it was a small win I probably would skew it towards the poorer sister to at least get her to the level of a comfortable life, then an equal bit of spending money on top.

If I was in the position to be able to give away a million+, then I would give equally.

Keep the lot for your own kids except some in trust for the "poorer" sisters kids to be given when the are 21yo.

It is if you know what you're doing.
Too many people flash the wealth, spend on stupid things and start being seen as an ATM. OP being a case in point.
If DH and I won the lottery we'd keep quiet, invest it and carry on as we were. Except that we'd take short-term contracts instead of permanent jobs, working only when we like.
Of course we'd help people out but only when needed and on what we deem worthy... Chucking them a wad of cash is definitely a recipe for disaster.

You would need to make sure it was a legally binding agreement. Because if he pissed his half away then divorced you he'd get half of your half.

The sister with the six kids may have had triplets last time she gave birth. She also may not have planned them. No contraception is 100 percent safe. Some posters sound very judgmental about this lady. So she has six kids, she might be an excellent mum. Just because she's not well off doesn't mean they'd waste any given money. Some horrible comments on here.

Colour me cynical, but why does it always seem to be that on the threads on MN about the ones on benefits they always seem to have 6 kids? Not 5. Not 7. Always 6. 😁😂

So? That still means she had 3 kids and decided to have more. How was she (and the father) planning to feed them?
And as for contraception failure...my dear, once is an accident, twice is carelessness, thrice... Well you don't need me to say it.

The judgement of strangers on the internet is meaningless compared to the living situations of the 6 kids in a cramped house. Parents have a responsibility to their existing children not to have any more if they can't keep them in good conditions.

To be fair I understand your neighbours concern and I say this as a disabled person on benefits. Unless of course the windfall is enough to keep him for the rest of his working age life should he need it, there's no point in him losing his benefits only to have to go through the stress of claiming benefits again. Or another option could be to put the money in a trust for him if he should ever become healthy enough to work full time. Of course it depends on whether his disability is lifelong or fluctuating and long term as opposed to life long.

what if instead she ran a business use tax loop holes to avoid corporation
tax etc ?

life is not fair , so the one in need would get more ££

You could also argue that life is not fair, therefore neither of them should receive anything, because it's not their lottery win 😁

My family are all millionaires in their own right. DH are all dirt poor. I’ve dragged him up by his bootstraps.

In the situation you describe it is agreed that my sister and parents will be gifted money to enjoy as they are responsible and have made good life choices. His DF would be gifted a small amount with a free house to live in as long as he lived. The same for his sister but She wouldn’t get any cash. Both homes would remain in our names. His sister would be given the opportunity to earn more money by getting off her bum and working. For every pound she earned she’d be gifted the same. DH is now a very hard worker and values making your own way in life.

Your DH is being completely unreasonable. Your sister should get at least the same as his.

I would gift the same then extra for the kids when they become adults.

If you sister lives in London then £1m could be a terrace in a place that has gone up in worth because of gentrification. There are plenty of normal people like teachers in £1m+ properties because they are old enough to have bought before things went nuts. Fancy cars could be financed by debt so not necessarily a sign of being well off although you actually know your sister so will have a better idea of things.

Best way.... no win really. You can't give more to one person because you think they need it that's potentiall incredibly degrading for an adult. And you don't know the financial side of the 'richer family'
Someone will always get arsey because they think they deserve more.
I'd keep it to myself and over time could Invest in their lives.
If someone offered me a mansion tomorrow because they think I need it I wouldn't take it, we have worked hard to have the house and life we have and I love that. I think most people would agree x

You say that your sister's lifestyle is partly due to her husband's family money, so it's a combination of hard work and good fortune.

You don't say why DH's sister has never worked - because she can't or because she won't?

Based on the information given, I agree with your DH. My priority would be finding his sister somewhere less cramped to live to help your nephews and nieces.

Controlling much? We don't even treat our kids like this!