Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

I thought about this, everyone would get the same, they have different levels of income and number of children BUT I would gift kids separately.

My husband and I had this same argument lol. We agreed same amount to every family member (that we wanted to give to) regardless of their financial situation.

I think that giving more to one person's family is in a way meaning one spouse gets more than 50% of the win... If that makes sense?

It also builds resentment, arguments etc.

So our decision was fair and equal or not tell a soul,

I would leave the sisters out completely and just share gifts equally between all nieces and nephews.

I’d say equal.

Equal is the only fair way.

If you’re talking silly money for this argument, then why wouldn’t your DH want your sister to have the same as his? Both would end up with everything they need and more so being generous to your sister wouldn’t take anything away from his. She would still be well provided for. Is he jealous of your sister and her husband or does he resent their lifestyle for some reason? Does he dislike her? Otherwise there’s no reason for both sisters not to get the same.

I disagree about it being controlling. It’s pragmatic and I would do the same. It’s no point giving op’s dh’s sister money. She’s on benefits, I presume, and I think the benefits will just be slashed until she gets under a certain threshold.

As for how I’d split. If the lottery win were so similar to the amount of capital my sibling has, offering a substantial gift would be non sensical. I would buy her something nice or pay for a joint luxury holiday etc and offer financial security of some kind to the less well off sil. Ergo I am with your dh.

I would, however, treat all children the same if I were to set up trust funds for them with a view to perhaps helping the children from the less wealthy sister when they are adults but also bearing in mind that the children from the wealthy sibling may never see a penny of that money.

If the win were 50m, this is a totally different scenario and I would treat both equally.

Best solution, win the lottery, divorce then each of you gets to do exactly what you want to do with your half of the winnings

Exactly the same to both. It’s analogous to those situations where one child expects to inherit more because they need more.
I might focus on the poorer children though as they’re the ones who need it most. A trust that pays out at 30 because getting money younger than that can go very wrong. Give all the DC the same then the unemployed mum ‘gets’ twice as much.

Equal amounts. You're not God and it's not your job to make things equal / right all life's wrongs between these two people who wouldn't even know each other if you weren't married. How view it, anyway.

The best solution would be to give me the money

I’ve had this hypothetical thought too and would give each sibling the same amount even though I have one sibling and DH has three. His parents are also much better off than mine but we’d still give both the same. Assuming we won the big bucks!

Equal.

I would t be giving the sister with money anything they don't need it and the sister on benefits clearly does plus I wouldn't be telling anyone what or if I gave money to family .

Equality.

I have a sister who is always having money woes, mainly as she is lazy and can’t hold down a job. She’s had thousands and thousands in handouts and I’ve had nothing. Because I’ve worked hard all my life.

Do I resent it? Yep.

Equal. It’s got to be fair really, hasn’t it?

You never know what’s going to happen in the future. We gave money to SIL to help support her family when they needed it. Then they had some luck & are now better off than us. Meanwhile my brother was fine at the time, but is now struggling and we aren’t in a position to help. I try not to resent SIL heading off skiing and to the Caribbean!
Equal has to be the way to go

In that case it would be neither.

They say winning the lottery increases the chances of divorce. I wonder if that's one of the arguments.

Depends how much you are giving the sisters. If 5mil each then both the same. If 50k each i would give his sister more. So despite the size of the win to me it depends how much you're giving away.

I'd halve the winnings with your DH then you each give what you want to each sister. Otherwise you end judging people's worth and that's not very nice.

If it was considered a joint win after we had dealt with joint needs like our own housing situation, new car, holiday, money aside for our children etc
I would suggest dividing it between us and doing what we wanted with our share.

Maybe the sister who earns a lot and has a nice career is miserable as hell, travels a lot for work, misses her kids and would much rather be a SAHP.
Just because someone has a decent salary and family money (and let's remember labour's inheritance tax and care home fees could take a fair chunk of that from now on) it doesn't mean they should get nothing.

But yes, this refers to a multi million £127 euro millions jackpot not £100k.

Well they wouldn't have to accept the gifts if they didn't want them!!

Not sure if this has been said but I've often had this little scenario in my head. My SIL similar, 5 kids, benefits etc. I actually don't think giving money would help too much unless life changing. Buying a house would be great but they would need long term funds to survive and maintain the house.

Even gifting some money isn't allowed, people on benefits can only have a certain amount in savings before the benefits are stopped.

I've spoken with friends about this a lot and I've concluded I wouldn't tell anyone as you are on a hiding to hell.

I'd pay for a couple of one off things so people didn't get the scent. Even if it's buying a car or paying off a mortgage. Maybe also gifting holidays or putting into trusts for people.

Animal charities and clean water charities would get a substantial amount of money from me too.

I know of someone who won close to 10M a few years back. He still hasn’t told his family.