Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

It depends who actually wins the money you or him? If my husband won the lottery I’m sure that well over half of it would go to his (mostly arseholes) family, but if I won it he’d get his half and it’d have to come out of that. Also it depends how much you’ve won, if you’re only giving away hundreds of thousands to each one that would be a life changing amount for his sister but just a bit more of the same for yours. You shouldn’t get too carried away with these things, if you suddenly had that money you have to think, actually this could change ours and our kids lives permanently if we’re careful instead of hastily giving massive amounts away to people just because they’re smiling at you for a bit.

‘Consider how stupid the average person is, then consider that most of them are stupider then that’

this fella isn’t one of them

@Autumn38 as he would likely want to stay in London - in fact I know he would, then a big chunk of a good sized flat it is -

I'd not give any to either sibling.

I think I’d give equal on the face of it, but sly gifts to the poor one.

If it was me I would keep the win between us and over time people would get treated. It may be that a family member on benefits may not want a cash lump sum as they may lose any benefits if the amount given isn’t substantial enough, that way they may appreciate a paid holiday, a new car etc.

Same to both, after all the sister with 6 kids chose her lifestyle too!

I'd do this, I'd give equal with inheritance regardless of my children's circumstances unless we'd agreed that they'd rather their poorer sibling should have more of a share.

Equal - you don't know what the future will bring, and if you gave lots to the poorer person, and just gifts to the well off one, but later found out the well off one was in a desperate situation of financial abuse, you'd never forgive yourself. If it's that much, then all will be doing fine, anyway!

I see it in the same way as inheritance - ask him if he would be ok with a family member leaving him less than his sister for the same reasons.

Different choices or different opportunities?

I can see both points of view on the lottery win and agree with pp that it depends how much money it is- if it’s an amount that would get your SIL a better house but no more then you don’t have to do the same for your sister. If it’s a huge sum- £3m say- then it stops being about helping your SiL out of her
problems and starts being about sharing the good fortune, and you should do the same for everyone.

Otoh I think you are completely right about wills. Leaving different sums based on financial circs is likely to cause all kinds of upset and hurt, forever. Right or wrong, it will come across as loving one child more. It’s also unfair if one child has chosen to work hard and has done well and the other has just dicked about- in that situation the different circumstances are down to their own choices so you don’t need to step in.

Equal!

Those in need have it and those who have full bellies have nothing. Maybe some nice gifts now and then but their pockets are already lined.

I would spend and help the less fortunate those in poverty family and friends.

Equal. The same as an inheritance. The only time I would give money unequally is if one person was severely disabled and needed long term support.

I’d give equal-ish, and may buy poorer sister a house and set it up first, so she wasn’t cramped etc and then split the rest equally.

Also, each child gets a set amount each also, regardless of which family they’re from.

His sister has six children and has never worked. Those are different choices.

The wealthy sister chose not to have 6 children.

You're right, and he's wrong.

I am with husband, his sister needs more.

I would give everybody an equal amount and then it's fair. The trouble is you could win the lottery, give someone a million pounds and they would complain it wasn't enough since you had another 49 million left.

At least if it's equal you can't get accused of playing favourites.

Split 50:50 with DH, he can do what he likes with his half, same for me.

If you win millions you can afford to give them both enough to change their lives

Depends how many millions you won and what their needs are. For example, if I won £1million, I would give away £100k to 10 family members. That's actually not a lot divided between them; £10k doesn't go far these days. It would be a trivial amount to my wealthier family members, so I'd rather give them less and give more to my less well-off family, where every extra £1k would be really meaningful.

If I won £100m on the Euromillions, I'd give them a million each regardless of how much money they have.

I wouldn't give a thing to his sister, so you're already nicer than me!