DP received letter for CMS

[lockdownbabyx]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

If the child is his, then he will have to pay. Are you sure he had no idea? Sorry this must be a big shock for you.

Unsure what you mean by where do you stand by this?
Obviously a DNA test first and if it does come back he is the father then he pays.

He's adamant condoms were always used, the relationship didn't end great and she blocked him (apparently)

Obviously if the child is his he will have to pay, but the amount they're asking for we cannot afford.

3 kids in 4 years and now another one in the mix?

I hope he's fairly rich!

You do the DNA test and if the child is his, then he needs to pay the full amount he is told to pay without arguing or trying to get out of it.
You should also go through court to seek access ti the child, and I’d suggest family counselling to help you all through that process.

Always remember that you must centre the child, not him or yourself. So what’s best for the child, the child has a right to a relationship with both parents but you’ll have to go gently and slowly to build a relationship from nothing.

The mum is awful for having hidden this for so long and keeping the child and your partner apart. But you’ve got to do what’s right for the child now.

but can afford another baby? are you sure he didn’t know; my ex tells new partners he doesn’t have kids.

You’ll have to afford it unfortunately as it’s a priority debt! You do the deed you pay the price as awful as it sounds. Are you certain he didn’t already know?

You’ll have to inform CMS that he has 2 kids in the home with him as that will reduce the amount, and then when your 3rd is born you add that child too. It reduces it a little. But that’s all you can do. The amount is a small percentage of his salary and must be paid. You’ll have to cut down in other areas because you cannot negotiate this.

How long have you been together? Long enough to expecting your third child, so I ‘m wondering if it’s more or less than 5 years?

Wow what a shock. If the dna is a match does he want to meet the child?

4 years

When the CSA were active...DH received a letter from saying that a woman had contacted them to say he was the probable father of her child.
He rang them and asked why they were contacting him...he didn't know the woman.
They said they were contacting all men with a Christian name spelled his way.
He played merry hell with them...didn't they realise how many relationships they were intruding into and causing problems

If that’s what’s actually happened….. My DD’s father tells people he’s no kids. I’ve no idea if he has anymore but I can guarantee that if he does, the mother will believe theirs to be his first born! So if I tried the CMS (again…long story) then I expect everyone they know would be calling me names for “keeping my child away from her father for 9 years” when the truth is that I spent 9 years begging him to be in her life

judging much? Of course women never lie.

If it's his child he'll have to pay whether you can afford it or not.
4 kids in 5 years. Wow.

If the child is his then he will have to pay, and if the amount CMS are asking for (which will be based on his income) is unaffordable you’ll have to make changes to your lifestyle to make it affordable- it’s not negotiable, he has to pay.

If he’s sure it can’t be his child then I wouldn’t worry about it yet, a DNA test will resolve that.

Yeah it makes you wonder how many others there are…

Big Hug.

I'd try not to think beyond the DNA test at this stage.

Have they told you the name of the claimant? Do you know of them?

What has DP had to say about it? I wonder if she told him she was pregnant?

if it's true, it's very sad she has denied the child & him the opportunity to bond. Though she may have good reasons for it, weird coming out the woodwork now though, if she had good reasons.

Given it was before you got together, I wouldn't be upset (other than the child had been withheld from DP/us/our kids) but the kids are all young, so no reason they can't all get close now. (Hopefully the child (if it is DP's) lives close &can become a part of the family. 5 year old are usually happy to have more family ).

it doesn't take anything away from you & your relationship or your kids. Your eldest was still his first experience of (actively) becoming a Dad, etc.

yes, it will impact you financially going forward, but I'd assume no back CMS if she's only just putting a claim in.

What are you worried about exactly?

How can CMS tell him how much maintenance he will have to pay if they don't know what he earns/his other children etc? If they have told him that, sounds like they have already been in touch with your partner?

If he's had no contact with the woman for more than 5 years - one assumes since shortly after she got pregnant - then any CMS claim surely woul dneed to first check his actual status in terms of earnings, other children etc? I'd see this as the first step - he need to contact CMS, do the DNA test then, if it does show he's the father, make sure all the information they have is accurate etc.

He needs a dna test, to pay up if the child is his, and a vasectomy. He's clearly shit at contraception. That is too many kids in too short a time.

I realise your boyfriend is about to have 3 children with you and another very shortly before you, how many others has your boyfriend got that you DO know about, not mentioned here?

Whether or not your boyfriend pays what CMS are asking, which is the very bare minimum that he MUST pay, will let you know what to expect from your boyfriend in the future. He will need to work to pay for all these children.

WTF

What a nasty post.

most of us had sex before we settled down with someone.

theres absolute no reason to think he will leave the OP & his 3 children.

you're being nasty. Why??