DP received letter for CMS

[lockdownbabyx]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

This ^

There is no way that CMS can calculate what payments are due without knowing how many children he has and his salary. Either he is already in the system because there are other DC, he has already given them that information (so he knew before now) or the letter is fake…

There will be some discounts for your children.. Not massive.

This. The speed they found him suggests to me he's already on their books. Sorry you're going through this OP and I hope you don't become another woman chasing for CMS.

There’s a lot of judgment on this thread yet no one knows the circumstances of any of these people, why are some so quick to think he must have known?
What’s with the judgement of him having 3 children with the OP? They are family, lots of people have children close together in age.

I don’t think there’s much you can do until a DNA test is done. If he is the father then hopefully you can come to an agreement with regarding the payments owed and payments going forward.
I can imagine it’s a huge shock but if he didn’t know then there's no blame on him and it was before you were together.

Some seriously judgemental cowbags on this thread!

But she's had two, and is having a third in an incredibly short space of time from getting into a relationship with him.

So what? Plenty of people choose to have their children close together. She doesn't deserve the moral judgement that is being thrown at her here because of something her partner may or may not have done prior to them meeting.

Its a well known hoax letter that you can get sent isnt it?

Are you sure it Is genuine. Asking for amount when they wouldn't know salary or circumstances isnt typically the process.

I hope you find a resolution OP, it could well be that there is uncertainty over the child's father, and providing DNA will discount your partner.

As for the horrid comments about having 3-4 children in as many years, ignore them! MN can be horrid towards parents of larger families (because of course, you need to be multi-millionaires to afford anything more than 1 child). As it happens I think having a large family closer together is a lovely decision, and I'm expecting my third in as many years next spring.

I hope you find a solution.

By a couple of quid 😂

What's your point?

So fucking what?

What a lot of nasty, judgmental posters on this thread! Man has child from previous relationship is hardly that uncommon. You know nothing about this man's relationship with the OP, whether their children were planned, etc. but you have already decided he is going to leave, he has lots of children elsewhere, he has been lying about knowing about this child's existence etc. Talk about projecting onto someone else's life...

You do not know he was found quickly. The child in question is 5 years old. You have no way of knowing if it has taken 5 years or 5 weeks for the CMS to find him, let alone whether he is 'already on their books'.

The decision making is poor all round
She'd been with him for a year if that before getting pregnant, he knows nothing about contraception. And now there will be three, possibly four kids to support.

That's what I was hoping, but the woman has been named on the letter and he's confirmed he dated her briefly.

Also it has his earnings on there form HMRC

Because a lot of people here

hate other people
hate men
put down others to feel better about themselves

it's a toxic forum

@murasaki So what? I met my husband five years ago, we married four years ago, and are now expecting our third child after Christmas.

It's none of your business how many children OP and her partner decide to have!

Knew I’d find all the man haters here 🙄

As others have said, wait for the test before getting too far ahead of yourself.
Be prepared for finances to be tight and your partner to have to take on more hours/a better role to provide for all these extra mouths. Obviously the bare minimum child support amounts are usually not often of a contribution towards raising a child.
I’m sorry you’re in this position.

He needs to support his child, he will not have choice in that.

As a couple you will need to tighten your belts and/or change your lifestyle to financially support the child. You know, although I understand you want to wish this whole thing away, it is the right thing to do.

He will also need to consider what type of relationship he wants with his child, and you will need to support him. This child is your children's sibling.

Give it time to all sink in, get the DNA test, take it one step at a time.

Sorry OP that you have had this huge shock.
You'll have to wait for the results of the DNA test before having any idea what will happen next. Until then concentrate on looking after yourself and DC.

Large number of posters acting like any of this is OP’s fault. It’s not. It may not be her partner’s either.

DNA first then one step at a time. And ignore fucking ridiculous comments like centre the other child in your life. No, you have your own kids you’re responsible for, it’s not and will never be your responsibility to centre another random child who has two parents of their own even if one of them turns out to be your partner. People on here can be too stupid for words.

Maybe the mother waited 5 years because she'd hoped to not have to involve the father for whatever reason, possibly a perfectly valid reason.

@lockdownbabyx it must be a terrible shock for you. Years ago I worked in CMS and I'm surprised that they've come up with a figure without contacting your DP at all. Usually CMS would try to get parents to cooperate and supply information before going directly to employers but maybe it's changed now. He definitely needs to contact CMS and find out what's going on and how he can request a DNA test. If he is the father, he should pay and also think about whether he'd like a relationship with his child. Good luck!

A random child? You mean potentially her partners child and her children’s sibling?